The chosen one returns

At work the new manager called me the “chosen one” again when she assigned me a specific queue to work on instead of just handing my a bunch of old emails. It’s probably because the other manager said something or to stop me from leaving too soon. I had a groggy start since I was still working on emails I picked up yesterday, I ended up answering some easy ones to inflate my workrate.

Conversation with colleagues was fine, even starting talking more to the guy sitting next to me. Also taught the quirky guy who to perform that system action that I thought everyone knew about, the one that I emailed out to everyone and I got a written warning or something off of it.

I did well on calories for once.

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Normie work horse

The new manager has successfully figured out how to get me to work hard. She assigns me an interesting queue that the new people can’t be trusted to work on and then asks me to clear it, I take her up on the challenge since I feel it’s a show of respect.

I approached my team coach, in a what I thought was overly assertive and rude way, she replied that my approach was more natural than usual and I sounded like I genuinely wanted to talk to her. I said “I try”. I was caught off-guard, couldn’t reply with what I really though. After this I didn’t speak to anyone all day, even when I bought my lunch, I just nodded to the questions asked.

Wore a large t-shirt, not sure to what extent my cutting scars were exposed throughout the day since I changed my pose often.

At home I read some One Piece, might watch a bit of the anime just so I don’t feel as if I’m missing out on anything, though there isn’t much from the arc I want to see animated.

When will life begin?

Just sat in my bedroom reading the One Piece manga, it’s more time consuming that I expected.

I overate, again.

My brother visited. His birthday is coming up but we won’t see him then. I didn’t interact with him much, or at all, really. I felt a little guilty later in the day and noticed my Nintendo Switch staring back at me so packaged it up with my games and gave it to him. I’ve played it once in 5 months, no loss, it’s going to a better home.

My sister is out of the hospital, she was lying in front of the TV in the living room with a blanket putting on a weak voice. Couldn’t stand being around her, gave me an excuse to hide away all day.

 

Next week will be different

I spent around 14 hours awake today. I played some DragonBall Xenoverse but I think I’ll drop it after tomorrow, it’s not fun, just a chore. Hard to pinpoint what I did with the rest of my day, I posted on the usual boards ad binge ate but it’s hard to believe I spent such time doing nothing else.

The only activity that deviated from the norm that I took part in was changing my bedding. It would be wonderful to have an actual hobby and to do something that makes me happy, something that makes me wish the day could be longer.

My sister has been in the hospital for about 4 days now, getting her appendix removed, apparently. I decided against joining my family on a trip to visit her. It’s just a trivial matter and I don’t enjoy her company anyway.

Truth in Obnoxiousness

I had swapped shifts with another guy today, the one I’d possibly heard several months ago use the term “paki”. Just did it for a lie-in and to get in another persons good graces. The quirky guy who I sit with is highly talkative, there were some minor conversations which took place before the late part of the shift commenced about mostly trivial subjects but also his interview for an internal promotion, he thinks he did badly and he’s apparently not as confident as he appears to me. Initially I encouraged him but by the end of it, I let him know he was partly at fault. During this time I feel I conversed in a normal way, though mostly reactionary.

After everyone on the early shifts had gone home and it was just me and the quirky guy at our desk, he became even more talkative, he must have gone on for 2 hours or so, just stories from his life and various conversation starters. I tried to maintain the interactions by asking questions but I wasn’t interested and knew little about the topics he brought up. He had “funny” stories but I couldn’t even muster a fake smile. He had “gross” stories, these actually made me feel like throwing up and I had to ask him to stop. He tips his fedora hard and I called him out on this, his strong opinions on the Catholic church and paedophilia are just yesterdays news.

I shared extremely little about myself, none of it interesting, my limited knowledge of Black Sabbath led to a back and forth though.

He earned my ire when he asked if I new a nearby bar but stopped himself with “oh, you don’t drink”, I corrected him but then he responded with “but you’ve never gone out” or something along those lines, not strictly true but I agreed, I was put out by his assumption. I was more aggressive in shutting him down after that since his comments made it quite clear how he viewed me. My opinion of him has plummeted, I don’t know why he even bothered to speak to me unless he, as I suspect based on his obnoxious statements, has Aspergers or something similar. I’m also displeased that he doesn’t remember any f our previous conversations, he asked for my age again, I refused to tell him, he asked I knew how old he was, I answered and said that “some of us listen”. A few other conversations were repeated from previous encounters also. He taught me a lesson, we’re not the same and I should stop viewing myself as such. I’m not really sure who I am now, that’s just another something I need to figure out.

The female who he used to sit next to and got the promotion made an appearance and seemed to coach him while he hit the target on emails. One of them said “could you imagine [me] with a beard” and then “can you even grow one?”, I responded affirmatively to which the female said I looked very smooth. I was then asked which razor I used and mumbled “Gillette” and looked away.

A brown male approached me during my lunch break on the streets, he made small talk, invited me for coffee and asked what I thought of the area, as I tried to escape he asked for a job. I suggested getting some training from the Job Centre.

Saw a disabled kid with their father on my way home, pakis, interesting feelings, if they weren’t pakis inbreeding then the kid wouln’t be disabled but the father seemed to love the son.

Stayed awake past midnight, just posting, read Kaiji and playing Hearhtstone.

oh, look. It’s Ramadan

Pretty sure quirky guy reads my blog. He’s fairly smart and I felt he behaved in a way that indicated he read my previous entry. Had some awkward conversations with him, argued for the sake of arguing and got over excited for no reason.

I worked hard, the new manager seems to rate me so I feel obligated to live up to expectations by taking on the most difficult queries without them being forcibly assigned to me, I’m also answering as many emails as possible without resorting to touching the easy ones. May have messed up.

Woman I used to sit with stopped by to chat with me, it flowed well at first until we reached the point where I had nothing more to say, couldn’t change the topic but awkwardly tried to push the conversation along.

Unable to let go of my hate, my hatred for one person has been replacement with hatred for two others. Not a fan of anyone belonging to this particular clique.

My mum is unhappy about me not fasting during Ramadan, she keeps bringing up brainwashing and that I’m not the same person, her repeated references to hormones make it quite obvious she’s been snooping around my room.

Played some DragonBall Xenoverse 2.

Cast out

While I was away yesterday, the seating arrangements were changed. Me, my enemy, a new guy to the team who has actually been here longer than me, the quirky guys and the gender neutral guy were all seated at the edge of the office. It was colder and out of the way, we were a small but significant distance from the point where the “back office” to which we belonged originally ended. The quirky guy, rather outspoken, called it the relegation table and said that he knew it was that because I was here (everyone knows I’m leaving).

Stacy on the other hand was the one and only person from the emails team who is on a hourly wage to remain in the back office area, she’s been moved to the front though, where it’s noisiest but it’s still a shocking decision that raises questions. Why? I understand why I’m pushed away but why also the quirky guy who was pretty much seated where she is now and been around longer? Looks like special treatment again. Despite not being happy about this I still did far more work that I should have done.

During the day I interacted with the quirky guy but that was all. he spoke to the other three, I did not. As usual, I’m resentful. Good news is that he got an interview for the internal vacancy he applied for, gut this team some more.

I was quite absorbed into my work but one event near the start of the day did rattle me, I had a questions relating to how to perform an action on a system. I went to the “Q”, just a guy with a flag who we’re supposed to ask any general queries. it’s usually a fairly pleasant woman but today I was the catty, older, male, seemingly best pal of Stacy. When I asked my question he told me to find someone else to show me how or to ask my team coach, I pushed and asked why he couldn’t just tell me (I said he was closer), he replied that I was back office. When I went to ask my team coach, in the presence of the contact centre head, my voice was shaking and I brought up what had just happened. I plan on getting him back for this, though he’ll probably never set me up for a killer retort.

At home I was tired and unable to accomplish anything of value, just wanted YouTube videos and a bit of the football.