The train to work was slightly less crowded than usual but it was overly warm for autumn. I was standing in the vestibule area and around half way through the journey, 10 minutes in I began feeling faint, I tried to fight it off, I sweated heavily, leaned against a wall, people noticed, whispering. My legs became weak and I realised I had to crouch, the air was cooler closer to the ground, it was easier to breath, a woman suggested taking my coat of but I refused and I insisted I was fine. I stood up and down several times. A middle aged man also tried to comfort me. Once the train pulled into the station, other passengers made way for me to get off, I rushed to a bench where I tried breathing some more and relaxing.
The woman from earlier approached me and told me to take off my coat and my sweater, then to drink water. My cutting scars were on full display and I’d sweated through my pokemon T-shirt. She reassured me and then left, a policeman came over to me next and encouraged me to breath in through my nose and out through my mouth. A paramedic was taking care of someone else, a few people had trouble on the train today. After around 5 minutes I got up and decided I was strong enough to walk. I was still a little dizzy and felt weak, this lasted all day but I got to work on time.
I hit around 100 emails for the day and all my worries from yesterday disappeared almost instantly after I discovered my screwups weren’t really screwups and everything worked out fine.
Didn’t talk much since I felt so out of it but there were a few interactions with the woman who sits next to me. It’s not becoming more natural, the errors are varying, this time I forced the story of me almost fainting, I must have sounded like an attention seeker.
Train home was delayed around 45 minutes due to a tree falling down onto the tracks.
I had no appetite, I couldn’t finish my sandwich during lunch.
Yesterday my female Muslim coworker offered me smarties, I took 2 and said I was on a diet. I felt bad, I think she got them specially to break the ice between us. I’ll talk to her more next weekend when it’s just us.
At home I had another argument with my sisters. They were cruel to me, my mum defended me and then they attacked me for not standing up for myself. My mum said some cruel things to them and they went upstairs. I don’t understand why my sisters hate me to the point I can’t even speak, I do nothing that warrants any opinion, I keep to myself, I know this offends them to some extent.
Watched the George Michael documentary at home.