Confirmation of Failure

Uni classes for the second semester became more regular from this week onwards, I would be on campus every weekday, today was an easy enough start, first and only class was a lecture in the afternoon, allowing me to have a nice little lie-in.

Not 5 minutes after I was finally ready to step out of the door and march toward campus did I encounter a slightly chubby blonde woman, I thought this might have been my female roommate, we have literally not seen each other in 2 months, so I am not sure, I shot her a smile but received nothing in return. The relationship with her is dead, I never had any desire to make something of it and I still do not, yes, it is because she is not pretty and I have not been able to learn anything interesting about her but this is good, obsessing over women is not healthy.

On reaching the university, I entered the lecture hall and sat in the most sparcely populated row, there was but one other guy here, I had sat near him often during the last semester, he like me, was seemingly one of the handful of people with no friends, I had never spoken to him, I do not even know his name, I would imagine it would be very east to connect if I did know what to say to initiate conversation, since he has no one else but then again, it is the final semester, so why bother?

The lecturer took 5 very long minutes to get the lecture started, I felt very anxious, everyone else was talking to their friends, I was just staring at the first powerpoint slide and fiddling with my pen. Soon after another individual entered the room and decided to be seated on my row, he is the closest thing I have to a “friend”, he often speaks to me, sits next to me, invited me to his birthday party on facebook once and sometimes even asks me what I am doing after the lecture and if I would like to participate in activities with him. However the conversation does not flow well, I prefer to keep my distance from him as it is painful never knowing what to say, I will enter lectures earlier in the future to avoid him. I don’t even know why he bothers with me, he is a total Chad, over 6.5 feet tall, on the university basketball team, /fit/, wealthy, decent looking since he has a decent looking gf and has diverse interests, he watches a lot of /tv/ type shows, his coverage is better than mine. During the lecture he made comments in response to things the lecturer said or did, things such as “Jesus Christ”, he found her actions amusing, I was not sure how to contribute or what response he was looking for so I just weakly smiled and turned my head less than 45 degrees in his direction. I do think he is a great guy, very friendly and I would like to be able to call him my friend but I do not want to take part in any activities that friends would do together, it is easier and more comfortable for the most part to be alone.

The lecture seemed very straight forward and short, although I find it hard to concentrate when I am concious of the person sitting next to me, be it someone who speak to me or a pretty girl who came in late and was forced to sit next to me, I swallow my spit and make weird noises with my mouth a lot, a sign of autism I am led to believe.

At the end of the lecture we were informed that the results of the January exams would be released early, possibly today. This worried me since I believe I may have failed one of the exams and there are no resits in the final year. I left the lecture hall and went to the bathroom, encountering once again Chad and another of his friends, a friend he also introduced me to, I slunk into a cubicle and waited for them to leave and another minute or two before I did so too.

On my way out I noticed this hideous beta orbiter standing around and talking to this girl I liked AGAIN, both are on my course, I know they were not sitting next to each other in the lecture hall, so he must have sniffed her out, I hate how he has forced himself on her, she is a queen, giving filth like him the gift of her presence and the glory of being able to speak to speak to her is a travesty, she is an 8 and he is a 2, the only positive is that it shows how kind she is. That explains why she will respond to him him but it boggles the mind though how confident he is, did he think he had a shot with her? Here is a description of her, she dresses like a chav, on facebook she speaks like a chav but she is pretty and wealthy, that is what sets her apart from the council estate scum.

  • Polish
  • noticeable accent
  • small hoop earings
  • 2 in one ear, only 1 in the other
  • “snakebite” eyebrow piercing on the side of her face with 2 earings
  • looks good, they are colourful
  • nice smooth skin and facial features are all non offensive
  • super skinny
  • dresses and eats like a chav but its kinda sexy when a pretty girl does it
  • wears acid washed skinny blue jeans
  • ankle high brown fur trimmed boots
  • small Bench coat with fur trim around the hood
  • white hoodie underneath
  • keeps her hair in a messy bun

I can see her facebook profile due to her security settings, she has a bf, he has a six pack, graduated a year before her and does MMA. I can’t compete with that, it makes me wonder what sort of girl I do deserve. I hope I don’t have to settle for a fatty, I would rather die a virgin.

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4 thoughts on “Confirmation of Failure

  1. Dude in the beginning you go on how how it’s unhealthy to obsess over a woman, and yet you do it with that chav girl.
    Also do something with your not-“friend”, best case go watch a movie since conversation is minimal during movie and afterwards you have something to talk about.

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    • Its unhealthy to obsess at any level but I meant fixating on my roommate in particular due to having access. Its not a 24/7 obsession with the Polish chav girl, the intimacy of our relationship is limited, my old roommate was a oneitis, the chav is just a regular normie crush. My feelings of hate towards the orbiter are stronger than my feelings of attraction towards the girl. It can be depressing knowing I will never be with or inside her but there is no potential for me to cause any harm, the only one being hurt is me and from experience I know there is nothing you can do to force youself to get over you oneitis or cruses, its just down to time.

      As for the friend, he has an active enough social life, he would not want to do activities with me that he could do with his real friends. The guy is confident, if he wanted to do something with me, he would have invited me. In the past I have tried connecting with an old school friend by watching a movie, after the movie we just went our separate ways within seconds of leaving the cinema, I do not see future “dates” going well even if I commit. Only 3 months of university left anyway, its over, I did not make any friends of lose my virginity.

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