Below Average

Yesterday night my roommate had some friends over again, it was just as agitating as usual, only differences are when I went to use the toilet, one of his friends looked back in my direction as I was leaving, it felt like a judgemental glance, I am not sure if I will go back to pissjugs or if the anger I feel now will fuel me to act like an obnoxious normie in order to gain some form of vengeance on those table top playing cunts , probably the former.

On the academic front, things are slightly off the wrong side of decent, my grades in the first semester we 2 B grades and 2 D grades, for a 2:1 degree, I need 4 B grades, 2 C grades and 2 D grades. I was initially relieved that I did not fail any of the modules but soon after me attention was focused on the second D grade, it was in a topic I was feeling very confident in, I thought I was going to receive a B grade, I have no idea how I messed up so badly, I had studied significantly more for the subjects I performed poorly in than those I performed well, disheartening to know my effort was not rewarded. Overall though I am feeling optimistic, as was pointed out to me on /sp/, my fate is in my own hands, getting 2 B grades and 2 C grades, or better, in the next semester is not a gargantuan task and from what I have seen of this semesters modules they all seem very approachable.

I am understanding the topics taught and completing the tutorial work on schedule, one piece every weekday. There is however one exception, there is a module in which the tutorial sessions involve forming groups and taking part in discussions, the groups are not formed by the tutor, this is just something I cannot do and will not be attending those tutorials, the first of which I am skipping today. Towards the end of the semester the attendance should dwindle, I might make a appearance at that point, I will need to attend at least one session as the tutorial work is very similar to what will be asked of us in the exam, analysing a case study.

At university today I had several fantasies of myself finding some way to stand out and be acknowledged by my peers, most involve me getting into an altercation and beating up the other party, because its okay to be quiet “loner” (hate using that word) if you are a tough guy or a psycho, makes it seem like its by choice or at least no one will pity you, they may still look at you with disgust but it will be the way peasants look at the decadence of their king, not the downward glance of the normies upon the virgins and NEETs.

The “friend” I have sat behind me in the lecture hall as I had gotten in before him by a wide enough margin, he asked me my grades, I lied and said BBCD, he gave me his, ABDD, he is in the same position as I am, told me one girl failed a module and he thinks many others have done so too. In another lecture later in the day, I sat behind the Polish girl I like and her orbiter, the orbiter annoyed me greatly, I honestly say some of my self in his behaviour but at least I am self aware. I got to listen to the Polish girl talk which was nice, she pronounced “ah” in the middle of words as “ayy”, I thought it was cute.