“Do you know anything?”

There was a change in timetabling and the group tutorials were moved to an earlier timeslot, right after a lecture, I had one less reason to attend that class now, so I forced myself there today, I convinced myself that there probably would not be any real group work, like some other classes it was going to just be the tutor standing in front of the class and going through the question while no one answered his pleas for contribution from the rest of the class.

I am last to the class, just in case there is group work I situate myself near a small, slightly isolated, group of individuals. Class begins and unfortunately we are asked to get into groups, I prod the vile beta orbiter with my pen and ask I can sneak into his group, he is the only other male in the class, it was the default option. He did not look very enthusiastic, don’t remember what he said either but he couldn’t refuse.

I was astonished to see that he successfully recruited the Polish girl into our group, although given her seating choice it seems as is if she had always intended to join his group, it is insane, I know she is on fine terms with the other girls in the class, she sits and talks with them often enough. Regardless of why she made the choice, she was in and she was looking good, was able to look at her face longer and closer up today and I was wrong before when I accused her of having bad skin. The other two members of the group were white Muslim girls, I do not find either attractive, one is overweight, she is being orbited most heavily by the aforementioned beta.

Group work began and the two Muslim girls and the orbiter were very excitable, they were making  a lot bad little jokes and laughing hysterically, working very slowly I found it annoying and made it known to some extent by looking away and enforcing a displeased look onto my face. I am curious as to how the Polish girl felt regarding all this, she did not say much to contribute to the laughter but I did hear her giggle a few times, nowhere near as often as the beta and the planet though. I worry my disinterest gave her a negative opinion of myself.

She had not done enough of the reading or prepared an answer, most of the group it seems had not done as much as I, the majority of the rest of the class is made up of slags so I doubt the reason for joining this group was because of a better chance of learning something.

The work was discussion based, the Polish girl at one point, looked to me and asked “Do you know anything?”, if sounds aggressive but English is not her first language, she must have been trying to encourage me to talk, this was at the start of the tutorial though. After that I did pipe up a few times, it was difficult to get the timing right, mostly I had to be prompted. I think at one time I must have just had my mouth wide open because the slim Muslim girl asked me if I wanted to say something, I believe she did most of the prodding. I also found it difficult to find my words and so the others would finish my sentences. I tried to impress the Polish girl with my knowledge but it was not really there, I think I somehow contributed half of the meaningful statement we got down on paper. She is probably aware that I am not very intelligent.

I was asked to clarify something by the slim Muslim girl, I said I was doubting myself know that she was pressing me, she told me not to. I think she was hot for me. I had shaved my neckbeard today, that might be why.

Class was over, I left to the bathroom, leaving I saw the four of them in a group, chatting away, the orbiter and the Polish girl got on the bus together, he made her laugh, sitting to far away to know what was being said, it enrages me knowing someone with his disadvantages can get what I want but a superior being, physically speaking, such as myself cannot.

A few other things I learned.

  • Polish girl has a palates and/or Yoga class today and around 9pm, a girl in excellent shape like herself doing fancy, vaguely sexual stuff does not surprise me
  • Polish girl knows the slim Muslim girls brother somehow, the girls are all local, I wonder if they know each other after hours?

It was uncomfortable working in the group, I avoided eye contact but I am looking forward to the next class since a bit of pain is worth getting to spend time with her.

Also noted another girl I like was wearing tights again, along with a short skirt, unfortunately did not get a good look at her.

Over the last few days I had been fantasising that the Polish girl would approach me outside of a lecture and ask why I had not been attending the group tutorials, she would guess that I had no friends and then she would offer to let me join her group, things did not work out that way but in the long term the results may be similar.

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2 thoughts on ““Do you know anything?”

    • I can see it, that self awareness is what makes us infinitely different.

      Feeling angry when you see those you perceive to be inferior having more than you is a normal reaction, I think, I could not imagine feeling any other way about such a situation.

      Like

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