Woke up at 10, did not go in to the lecture this Wednesday either, had some tutorial work to do for tomorrow (will not be attending those either) but I ended up putting it off for 6 hours, not sure what I did in that time other than dress up a fake facebook account in a bid to add her again, got some interesting information, kept the page open for hours after sending the request until the account got locked, must have been flagged by someone who recognised the pics I was using.
It was crushing seeing that “locked” screen, I really had my heart set on being able to see her again, finding out how she was doing, was hung up on it for a few hours before thinking I need to take more drastic action, contacting her, I still have not apologised to her, so that could be an excuse to open up dialogue between us, I do not think it will end well, it is something that needs to be expertly manoeuvred if I am to get what I want. I am also thinking of linking her to this blog, laying my soul bear to her, so she can understand me, she might respect my honesty and desire to make amends. There is also the part of me thinking that she is gone and I am powerless to change things, any action I take will be futile, I struggle to believe this, if there are options, it seems harmless to exp, after all in life you regret what you did not do.
Spent the remaining 6 hours of the day working on my tutorial work, went better than expected. Need to pace. Also went to Asda, bought a chocolate cereal and Doritos, notice a litre of Lucozade for £1, might get some of that over the weekend. I try to eat healthy but when my roommates are around I get snacks that I can eat in my room without the need of the kitchen to prepare them. The Doritos were not even very satisfying.
It appears as if I have failed in my bid to join a gym, perhaps the embers of this dream will be set alight once more in a few months time.
Worrying about my exams, not even looking forward a few more month into the job market.