Big Day

Woe up before 10am, trimmed my armpit and pubic hair, been a long time since I have done that, felt great after I had a shower. About half an hour later I went out to the barbers, it took my a while to get there, I have been going to them same one ever since I arrived in this city, I like to think the barber remembers me, my limitations and needs. Got to the barbers, didn’t need to wait since I arrived early enough that he was free, asked what he could do for me, I said “Caesar cut on top and number 2 on the back and sides, make it short on the top, about a third of the length it is now”, I prepared in advance, basing my answer on how our interaction usually progresses, he asked me to repeat myself, I stumble, not sure which part he wanted me to repeat, once I finally hit the right note he lets me off the hook, taps me on the shoulder and gets on with it. No talking. He tried talking to me the first time 4 years again, that’s why I think he has some recollection of me.

I leave feeling the wind on my head and generally good about myself, went to the poundstore, bought a role of blank stickers, I planned to stick them all around the city and university with the message “sorry, [roommates name]!”. Been persuaded to hold off until I am convinced that she won’t reply to my email message. I know this might come across as creepy, give off the impression I am obsessive and dangerous but there is also a chance that she will see how much she means to me, how sorry I am and then maybe things will pan out the way I want them to. I also have this fantasy where the stickers/message become a national phenomenon with t-shirts and such being printed, that would surely impress her.

When I got home I wanted to go straight to the shower but I heard my roommate cleaning it so I stayed in my room, later she was cleaning the hallway, thought it best to stay away or else I might be roped into helping out or accused of not doing enough. No second shower today. Did get a look at myself in the bathroom mirror later in the day, looked good, along with the free down down below this made me feel much more confident than usual. Thinking about the interaction, or lack of, yesterday, I should have said something, “hey, I’m sorry, can we I get you a drink?”, just like when we were living together I threw away another opportunity.

Roommate brought his friends over again, before 2pm this time and they stayed until just before midnight. Not as terrible as usual, they were not particularly loud. I did piss in a bottle during the early part of the day. However later I become much more confident, partially down to the hair but cannot be entirely down to that as I urinated in the bottle the very same day. Anyway, I needed to use the bathroom again so I slid out of my room, out of view and into the bathroom, that was when I say myself in the mirror. A little while later I left my room to use the kitchen, I didn’t look at him and his friends, pretended like they weren’t there, it was tough but I pulled it off, felt very tense around them. I stuck my food in the oven, filled my cup with water and went back to my room and back out when it was time. I left my room again much later, this time they had shut the door to the room they were in and I would have had to pass in order to reach the kitchen, guess I creeped them out, good. Also noted the volume of the Ribena I had pissed in had decreased even further, great.

Spent a lot of time playing YGOpro, on a very hot streak, felt pride in being good at something. Need to check my tutorial answers against the actual solutions. Last 6 hours of the day were spent in an Instasync I used to frequent a fair bit in the last quarter of last year, we riff on TGWTG videos, my conversation sills are poor but in these types of settings, emails, thread etc, I try to force it, I hope I am creating an enjoyable atmosphere for others. WrestleMania is a couple of days, not particularly hyped but it’s something to look forward to.


2 thoughts on “Big Day

  1. Hey man, I just read about the ordeal you have been going through this week after you made your blog public again. How are you holding up? I think the best course of action towards your ex-roommate is to just forget about her completely rather than try to apologize. The bridge between you two has clearly been burned already. If she didn’t reply to your apology that should be the last indication that she never wants to interact with you ever again. Just forget it. Apologizing won’t fix anything. Saying sorry is for people that want to rebuild a crack in their relationship, not a permanently broken one that has no hope anymore. Erase it from your life and move on. You are right to think she will find you obsessive, women are often not as empathetic as we are led to believe. Do not reach out to her anymore and if you see her again just walk by and don’t acknowledge or look at her.

    As for the polish girl incident, fuck that white knight. Hopefully nothing will happen to you but don’t worry about it. Her perception of you doesn’t matter in the long run so don’t fear anything or have anxiety over it.

    Don’t know if you got over those incidents by now but I thought I should give you some advice/encouragement just in case. Anyway, just forget about your mistakes. Fucking up is a part of living. Hang in there and your life will sort itself out in the end.



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