I really don’t care anymore

Exchanged a few emails with the uni principal, won’t consider lifting my suspension until criminal proceedings are over, I told him he could go ahead and assume I was guilty but all I got back was “rules is rules” . It’s ridiculous, what happens at the end of all this if I get found innocent? How will I be compensated for the one year of my life that was stolen? Absolute joke that I was given no chance to plead by case before judgement was passed down on me.

Feeling pretty terrible now that I have literally nothing going on in my life, lost that little bit of direction, not going to kill myself, would upset my mum and siblings. I would fucking love to though, there is nothing for me here anymore.

Made some new “friends” will be hanging with them until the trial.

Tried to fill the emptiness that is my existence with a job, went to the job centre for the first time in my life, mustered up the courage and told 2 or maybe it was 3 people there that I was looking for work. All they did was point me to each otvher and then to a computer to access the job search website. That’s it. They said they.  would only truly help me if I was claiming benefits. I’m not hurting for cash right now, should ask that university solicitor if I am still considered a student. There was a MILF there, actually bought one of her kids with her, she swapped seats to sit next to me, made conversation with me, I just grunted,didn’t really have anything to say, told her about how I got v& or “picked up” as the pros say, this is my go to story now, I imagine every conversation and posts of mine will reference this in some way. The woman was non judgmental, told me how her daughter had graduated and hadn’t found employment yet, I just turned and got back to my CV. Connection issues. The one guy who was in charge of that shit went out to lunch so I left, could do this at home. Applied to 3 retail jobs and then called it a day. Security and various labour work requires licencing unfortunately. Will check for Tesco jobs at some point. I want to keep busy or for something tohappen, actually looking forward to the next visit by the the coppers.

Using a tablet is shit. Can’t wait to get my crappy laptop back.

Been living off chocolate and vodka, both are supposed to alleviate depression.

Posting here again because it helps, posting elsewhere is not as therapeutic.

Don’t think I have autism, have AvPD, someone posted the symptoms yesterday, it all fits, iirc told my solicitor, the detectives and the prison doctor that but they all laughed at me.

Solicitor hasn’t contacted me yet, worried he might have gotten the wrong details, given up on me for forgotten about me entirely.

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