Woke up early, went down to McDonalds to return my uniform to reclaim my deposit. Was told I had to go down to the other resteraunt despite being told otherwise during the induction. Glad to hear it though as it means I will have a chance to see everyone again, maybe apologise and let them know how much I appreciated their kindness and the extent to which I loved worked alongside them.

Finished packing and asked my roommate for his phone number, he was sleeping at the time, when he awoke he asked where I was going, “Away…forever”, I replied. He said that I needed to give one months notice, I told him the lease said nothing about notice, only that after the agreed upon period has ended that it can be extended by mutual agreement. He was too beta to challenge me so he said that he’d talk to his parents and escaped.

Pretty sure he’s gonna fuck me over through retention of my deposit and not reimbursing me for overpaid bills through the length of the lease. He deserved what I did to him, my only regret is that I didn’t do it again or something harsher, like fucking with his consoles like I had originally planned.

Wheeled my suitcase to the bus stop. Arrived at the place. Signed the new lease, 12 months but I plan to get out of it ASAP, only signed because I was in for the deposit/one months rent anyway. Landlord brought his wife along, told my “fired from McDonalds” story again and how I was looking for work. Things went well enough.

Spoke to one of my new roommates for an hour or so. He was easy to talk to, just got to know each other. He is Chinese so his parents were around, his mother cooked me some chicken soup and another rice based dish later in the day. They were decent, nothing special. The third roommate came by later in the day, he’s a Chad, had a friend and his gf with him, they caught me as I was leaving, not sure what was said, while outside I noticed they had a shopping trolley and remarked “didja nick that?” realised the answer was obvious so added “well you didnt buy it”. They explained, I gave them a look, and they laughed as if I actually had the capacity to deliver a punchline.

Applied to a few jobs but mostly kept to my room. Feeling very down, don’t think I will be getting a job, there are still a handful if avenues to chase up but I’m not optimistic, I will just be running through the motions. I’ve given up, I don’t want to be here anymore, I don’t know why that is just that I’m miserable right now and I’m associating it with the location. There are prints on the wall, my room has one that says ” we all grow in different directions but our roots remain as one” and “FAMILY” in large letters above where my headboard should be. I just want to go home and call it a day, I’m so fucking done, I sent out 15+ applications, how am I not good enough for Burger King or a local chippy to call me back? The fucking chippy still has the advert on the door, they literally would not hire me even if there was no other option. I don’t even necessarily want to go home, just end it or start the next chapter. I would prefer being remanded to going home, I think, I know I’m not going to get sick of being home pretty quickly too, prison is more of an unknown, at worst the novelty will last longer.

Had a moment of clarity last night, guys were saying it a while back but it only finally clicked for me 24 hours ago, even if the university does have me back, I probably won’t be able to re-enrol until next year because the police are dragging their feet with the search on the laptop and charging me with vouyerism, the copper must have lied when he said there was enough to charge me (the “it’s a gimmick” defence works?), so the trial for that might not be until December, meaning at 26 years old I will be in the same position as a 22 year old. I need to think of another way to utilise my life, wage slavery isn’t even an option for me, education was just stalling for time. I’m thinking I can fool myself into thinking I’m writing a movie script or book, make myself feel like I’m working and have something sizeable to show off at the end of it. Would make me feel better but these days, mental health is the least of my concerns.

Not happy that my list of enemies keeps growing.


3 thoughts on “Mistake

  1. I agree you should get home asap mate. In you situation having the moral support for your family is crucial. Register with a gp back home, and maybe try getting a job there when you feel better.


  2. you might as well embrace the life of dole scum, you were already at the bottom when you were at McDonald and you even managed to fuck that up.


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