Went to sleep fairly late the previous night, woke up around 10, heard some conversation in the kitchen, sounded like my roommates and another gentleman, heard me name mentioned too. Was displeased about that, they were talking about me behind my back just like my previous roommates. I considered taking revenge on them by urinating in any drinks they left lying around.
I actually left my room and got out of bed at 1pm, it was when the chatter had seemed to have died down and I could most likely use the kitchen in peace after my shower. I was wrong, turned out on of my roommates was sitting at the table (I have two roommates, one is a Chad, the other Chinese), it was the Chad, I was getting my cereal and he told me that he was doing some gardening, the garden was in a right state, it was some intensive work that someone deserved a wage for completing. Said I should follow him outside and he’d show me what they’d been up to. I followed, barefoot, had a short exchange with his brother who was helping out, not comfortable around this guy, he is on the same course/year as I’m claiming to be. I was however able to keep conversation going with him since we did have something in common.
I asked if I could help at all, Chad said there wasn’t much left, so I retreated to my room. I was upset at being excluded from the activity, more enraged than earlier. Stayed in my room for the next 3 to 4 hours playing a little Hearthstone, discovering a One Piece tablet game and posting on /brit/. I was comfy so I became very startled when I heard a knock on my door. It was Chad. Offering me ice cream. I accepted his offer. Followed him into the kitchen, “caramel or white chocolate?”, I went for the caramel, then again I followed him, this time outside the backdoor into the garden, the four of us stood eating out Magnum ice creams and chatting, it was nice, it went okay, the biggest fuckuo thankfully was not mine, the Chinese guy quizzed “Do you know why white chocolate was invented?” Chad gave a serious answer, something about lack of coco. The Chinese guy said he was planning on making a pun, I pressed him to continue, he delivered his punchline “It’s so black people won’t bite off their fingers!”. I looked at him in disgust and said that was not on. I don’t remember my exact words but it was something to that effect, Chad and his brother hung their heads in shame, Chad remarked that it “was a bit dark”. Sounded like another bad joke. I don’t think much less of the Chinese guy, it’s a cultural thing, he doesn’t realise what he said was in bad taste. Though comparing someone’s skin to chocolate isn’t the most malicious thing in the world.
There was one small hiccup when I started talking about anime and “cute girl doing cute things” but I did comment on how anime could be perceived as strange and autismal to show I had self-awareness.
After we were done with out ice creams I pressed Chad harder to be able to help out. I was very grateful to Chad for extending the hand of friendship and going the extra mile to accommodate my handicaps. Revolted at myself for thinking poorly of him. I was given a task while he went into the kitchen to prepare food for his gf, I worked with his brother how made a grand effort to get to know me, he kept asking question after question, relating to anime even though he knew little to nothing about it, comics also came up. The problem was that I didn’t have enough conversation experience and had too much to say on the subjects that I didn’t know where to begin, I couldn’t get my thoughts in order. Worked and chatted for an hour or two. The Chinese guy liked 9gag, there was a funny exchange when he was asked what kind of music he liked and he said “muse” and the other guy thought he misheard, “mus-?”.
It was a good, normal socialising experience. Bit of exercise involved, bit of fun. Good day, best of the month, didn’t have any trouble speaking to people, the problem was saying what I wanted to say. Don’t think I need the anxiety meds at this stage in my life.
After we were done I washed my hands and went back to my room, the others stood around in the kitchen and conversed, I didn’t know that was what we were supposed to do after the garden activities seemed to have finished so I took the lead and left. Was a little hungry but didn’t want them judging me so stayed put. Chad’s gf came over and the room began to clear up, an hour or so later I got another knock on my door by Chad again, he told me his gf worked in a cookie shop and she brought some leftovers with her, I followed him to the kitchen again and took a bite of a biscuit. His gf was sitting there, she was a qt but not a particular standout, Chad could do better, not British, she had an accent. She repeated what Chad had told me and I’d acted like I hadn’t just heard it. Took two more biscuits to my room. I don’t know if Chad was expecting me to talk more or if he was just being nice by sharing buscuits.
Throughout the day I had the curtains drawn, the light emanating from my tablet eventually gave me a headache. The cookies gave me a tummy ache (I only got through 2 of them) so I turned in around 8, I was in too much pain to do anything even rest. Then throughout the night I would occasionally mutter her name, must have done itnover 10 times, it was like an involuntary spasm. Odd that instead of praying to God, I considered her to be the only one who could end my suffering.
Chad wanted the garden clear so he could have a BBQ at some point.
My last roommate was pathetic little beta, that’s why he wasn’t nice to me, it’s not in a betas nature to offer kindness, they are vile little creatures who want stability and familiarity. Chads on the other hand have it all, they see no issue with giving a little as they have so much already they aren’t afraid of loss.
To clarify my definition of ‘beta’ is a low tier normie, I’m not a beta.