2 grams

I’m only continuing to update this blog for the sake of if, force of habit, boredom, have the traffic and I might need some sympathetic ears who are familiar with me at the end. I do not have mental health problems and I do not “need” to vent here anymore, I haven’t truly been down since May.

Last night my Chinese roommate caught me in the kitchen, we talked for half an hour or so, it was easy, spoke about quite a few different topics, I don’t have any issues communicating this guy, he also offered me some Peach Donuts. I assume the reason is that I believe him to be similar to myself yet inferior, he is East Asian so I assume he likes anime, I know he knows what loli is but the kicker is that he browses 9gag. I don’t mean to sell him short, he has a way about him and a style of speaking that’s nonthreatening and engaging also. Good guy.

Taking my morning shower I heard two people return to the dwelling. From what I could hear it was my Chinese roommate and a female companion, I leave after gathering my courage, hear something from the adjacent open doorway that sounded like “Hi”, I stop in my tracks, turn,wave and say hi back. I feel silly. It couldn’t have been “Hi” though as they were speaking in Chinese. Head into the kitchen a few minutes later with a Propranolol tablet, Chinese roommate catches me again. While filling my mug, I drop the tablet and repeatedly fail to pick it back up, this catches the attention of my roommate who asks what I’m trying to do. I explain I’m trying to pick up this tablet but it doesn’t matter as I have more, make a joke about struggling to swallow tablets in the past but I manage it one go this time, he remarks that it’s the smallest tablet he’s ever seen. Nice easy conversation. He asks me what it’s for, I ignore it, he asks me again a little later I say “It’s nothing, it’s nothing”, not sure why I’m speaking like an anime character. The female is his gf, not happy to know that I may be the most inferior member of this household by some distance, not that I’m interested in getting a gf but it may be apt to refer to the Chinese guy as Chinese Chad (Forgot the East Asian equivalent of Chad).

Head into town and drop off a CV for the tarpaulin production company my friend put me on to. Beta blocker must be working as I didn’t find the experience of walking in and explaining myself particularly difficult. The woman I handed it tonsaid she’d pass it onto the boss, I’m hopeful as the advert out front asked for qualities you would expect to be so standard that they shouldn’t even be mentioned, it’s insulting to be asked if one is honest. I do worry though that I’m overqualified.

Played a little Hearthstone, I’m rank 11, play a Face Hunter deck, it feels good to win even if it’s by cheap means, the games are also much faster now. Not thinking about my problems much, the arrest was 3 months ago and the trial is also 3 months away. Nothing I can do, nothing smart anyway, just sitting pretty and enjoying myself until it’s time.

Might be going home on Thursday as I bought a cheap ticket a while ago. Still have a few job applications in play, again it’s relaxing knowing I have a shot at getting a job but there is nothing more I can do, just wait and see how it goes while occupying myself with other things.

Should return my uniform tomorrow.

Saw the gap toothed Polish girl from McDonalds on the bus, saw her first so I looked away. She got on with her “10 month old baby” and a pram. Kid was not that young, he was too aware of his surrounding, physically able and big. She must be lying about the age for bennies. He also seemed to have some kind of disorder, he started headbutting his mother, in response she locked him back into his pram, got upset and tried a multitude of attempts to escape. Interesting seeing another side to her, she was always so bright, warm and smily, she looked tired, angry and strict or cruel today. Not to say she put up a facade like the others, I think she genuinely enjoyed working.

I had 2 tablets over the course of the day, I felt good but it could just be a placebo effect.

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8 thoughts on “2 grams

  1. Bro, expect some immediate effects from the meds, but there might be ups and downs over the next little while until the levels settle down. Wait a few weeks at least before making judgement

    I hope you don’t stop writing this blog anytime soon. there’s a lot of people following your journey with interest!

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  2. Congratulations, this is your first step into drug dependency. Are you just getting on the meds so you can tell the court you are trying to do something about your fucked up head?

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