Tick Tock

Got a call from the amusement park at noon, didn’t answer it as I was in bed, tried calling them back but got the voicemail, I’m sure if it was important they’d get back to me. Worried that for some reasons the trial run on the job has been pulled.

Kept another fast today, they’re too long, make me feel more lethargic and bored than usual, don’t think I’ll do another one. My brother has a PS4, could play some FIFA tomorrow, I played it first back in April, I enjoyed the RPG elements and card collecting.

Prefer being away from home, I can be pathetic with more privacy there. My mother wants to celebrate my birthday, I’m too old and a failure, it’s ridiculous. Want to get away quick, back to my bubble, want that privacy and escape from feelings of guilt.

Need to put a finer point on what I want to accomplish and then focus on the how, not much time left before the first deadline.

3 months since I was arrested and I haven’t done anything to improve myself, just apply for 50+ jobs, a job is needed so I can function, it’s not impressive and it’s nothing to be proud of, the only thing I gain from employment is income. What I really want to do is add value to myself and make use of this time. I’m going to try to learn Polish when I leave. I know how that sounds, not just the Polish part but learning a language (and writing something) are two of the things people NEETs claim they will use their free time for (creative and intellectual persuits) but this is for me, I’m going to find personal fulfilment through it and that’s all that matters.

Facebook and Google’s “How do I say “I love you” in Polish” adverts on TV are upsetting me.

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10 thoughts on “Tick Tock

  1. Polish women aren’t going to like you just because you speak Polish. I’m going to be frank bro, you’re a paki and a huge beta, white women aren’t going to go well for you. Go find a paki girl.

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    • No-one of any race, nationality, colour, creed or religion is ever going to like him because he’s a mentally unstable freak of nature who seems to have some variant of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

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      • If I was really that bad I would have stabbed or raped someone by now (like the detective expected)

        >Narcissistic
        Heard this shit too often, my blog is called “human garbage”, I have an inferioirty complex. if I ever talk down other people it’s just a coping mechanism, very forced and bitter.

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      • You keep saying “I’m not that bad. I didn’t rape anyone”. How can you possibly think that this is normal?

        And, yeah, son, you are a narcissist. You’re completely self-absorbed and incapable of taking advice from anyone else. Other people point out your problems time and again but your only response is to say “LALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU! AT LEAST I HAVEN’T RAPED ANYONE”.

        Your unwillingness to listen to others reflects your arrogant belief that you know better than other people. You constantly try to reinforce your own self-image by repeating lies (such as your claim that you’re not malicious) and are simply incapable of listening to a contrary point of view.

        Even your blog name “Human Garbage” is just a pathetic attempt at garnering pity by revelling in your own sense of victimhood. Amigo, you are the textbook definition of a narcissist. You’re just too stupid to understand it.

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      • I have rarely gotten any advice other than “get therapy”. I wanted help but no one ever outstretched their hand (other than the real world friend I made after I was arrested), that’s why I’m in this mess and there is no way out.

        I haven’t given the entirety of the background on the girls pressing charges against me but know they are not good people either,not saying two wrongs make a right but anything I did was inspired by their callousness.

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    • I told you, this isn’t about getting a gf (couldn’t care less about that), I’m doing this for spiritual fulfilment.

      I feel as if I will gain something, closure, understanding maybe if I learn Polish.

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  2. Why Polish? Why not Urdu or whatever your extended family speaks? You could use it as a way to connect with your culture, which you clearly harbour ill feelings towards. Maybe even be able to communicate with your father better?

    I just don’t see the reasoning for picking polish.

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    • I’m not learning Polish or a new language for practical reasons (assuming I will go through with it)

      It’s like a weeb learning Japanese. Not exactly the same mind, I am not necessarily in love with or interested in Poland/Polish culture anymore. This is just something I feel I need to do.

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  3. Don’t do Polish lad, it’s fucking worthless. Try going for Spanish or French, or if you want some challenge Russian, Arabic or Mandarin. These are all languages that can help you.

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