Woke up nice and early, near 9. Had a shower, not shaved for a while, it’s grown out too much, will hurt when I finally get around to it, should sort out the neckbeard tomorrow. Had ASDA brand Coco Pops for breakfast along with 2 bananas. Lots of water and a beta blocker for good luck. Wasn’t feeling particularly anxious, no real thoughts on the day ahead, just charging forward and getting it over with.
As I was going down to the bus stop I heard someone running behind me, it was Chinese Chad, he was late for his shift at the supermarket he worked. We talked almost constantly, nothing interesting, nothing personal, I didn’t like doing it, Chinese Chad has good social skills, he appeared to enjoy my company, this did make me feel joy until I realised the burden I was placing on him, how painful it must be to feign pleasure. Only other noteworthy moment was when I tried explaining what a gazebo was, a woman turned around, amused and chipped in in an attempt to reduce Chinese Chads confusion.
I walked down to the park, I brought my backpack with me so I could buy sandwiches and water on my way to consume during my break. It started raining heavily when I arrived at my destination, not happy about this as I wore the jacket thing my sister got me for my birthday, the surface dies not hold up to rain well.
I found my trainer from last week, asked her how to get a clocking in card, she walked me to the front desk, this might have been what she meant last time we spoke. She looked glum, possibly frustrated that she had to help me. Just stood under a roofed structure with everyone else in silence until the parks owners son came by, assigned everyone but me a job because I was new. Just followed everyone else to the team manager and I think I might have asked “what do I do” when the time came instead of just staring and waiting. He gave me a uniform though I didn’t know my neck size, he made a joke, I like his attitude. He also told me to “sign off the ride I was on”, I didn’t understand what that meant, thought I’d misheard him.
The uniform is a light blue shirt and black clip on tie, a black waterproof jacket is also provided but they were out of stock temporarily. I had no experience with clip on ties and there was no mirror before me so I wasn’t able to attach it properly. I asked the team leader what he wanted me to do, he told me to sign off again, I replied that I didn’t understand, he explained, just go to the ride and wait for him, I was to be trained on another machine. He also noted my tie had flown onto my collar, he then leaned over and attached it to my shirt properly. I like him but I get the impression he thinks I’m an idiot.
Wet to my ride, it was still pouring down, my trainer was there, the control but wasn’t big enough for the two of us so we took shifts before the elements. The ordeal lasted 2 and a half hours, we were stood in the rain for 2 and a half hours. The park would not close, there were no customers, at least I worked long enough to earn back my bus fare and then some, around £15, I believe. I got to practice conversation making with my trainer for that time, I mostly listened, she was chipper, a line I tried on both her and Chinese Chad was “have you seen Jurassic World?”, fucked up the conversational sandwich though, still too negative. She told me she had a miscarriage, I said I was sorry, she said it was okay because it happened because she was overweight, I don’t know how the fuck I’m meant to react to this shit. To be fair though when we were talking about holidays I asked her to guess where my sister was going.
I’m still not comfortable around people, don’t know what to say but I am capable of not wanting to run away and just spewing words and hoping I land something.
My hands became numb due to the cold, should have bought the gloves my mother bought me. I was soaked, just wanted to go home, didn’t care about the money as the day went on. Was given an errand to find the owners son, he’s 18, good looking, tall, confident, commanding lad. Hate it, makes me feel pathetic, it’s the youth particularly, that’s why I was uncomfortable at McDonalds sometimes, particularly displeased with the existence of the Lithuanian girl who I may still become slightly intrigued by. We all got sent home after a ride stopped working and the rain got heavier still. Wasn’t sure on closing procedure, was glad to get away. People stopped by throughout the day and tried talking to me, I couldn’t do it. They seem so passionate about meaningless shit and small talk, I can’t get there, I don’t mean to tip my fedora, we’re just not on the same wavelength.
I got home, had a warm shower, threw me clothes into the dryer only for them to some how become even wetter. Need to air the shirt for tomorrow. Chad came home, said “hello?” again. We don’t have a living rooms it’s unreasonable for him to expect me to come out of my room to greet him. I likely alerted him to my presence when I rolled off my bed and pissed in an envelope. He was watching Always Sunny in the kitchen, he doesn’t have a table in his room, I do but I still prefer to eat in bed.
Chinese Chad came home after Chad left, he knocked on my door, twice, I had forgotten to put my shopping away, we talked some more. He looked into my room when the opportunities presented themselves, not very subtle about it either, I don’t like that. I want my privacy. He saw the piss envelope, it’s propped up but no way he could make out its contents.
Postman dropped off a package through the kitchen window, left a not with his name and a smiley face. Nice man. It was a Chinese mobile phone ai ordered on Thursday, figured I needed a smart phone, bought it for under £40. Seems to be decent, downloaded some general apps, might get Tinder to join in the /brit/ banter. I have no interest in sex.
Chad also had a small package, should have stolen it, it was a tracked parcel but the postman hadn’t collected signatures, should have been braver. Chad brought his gf around again, can hear her giggling from my room.
My bowl is still missing. As is my spoon.
Chad is certainly my enemy, urinating in his milk daily is not enough of a punishment for his transgressions.
Generally not feeling much today, feels like the day was delayed.