Different Hell

It rained at work again. Got soaked through, new jacket getting closer to being ruined. I wasn’t sure what to do so I radioed the manager, he told me to close the ride so I shut it down and went to see him/put the keys away. He told me we’re were only temporarily closing due to the weather, we likely wouldn’t open up later and should go back to the ride and surf the internet on my phone or something, my phone was dead, it died on the way to the park on the morning. He chastised me a little but the tone of voice he used, it was light, he was being sarcastic, I was amused.

The radio static makes it hard to hear what’s being said and I zone out a lot so I am afraid of using the radio and often wonder of I’ve missed a message. After sitting in the control but for an hour or so I realised I forgot to switch the radio back on, so I missed any possible updates on the situation. I took the initiative and left the small room a while after realising there was no one else around, found them all sweeping and shoveling rainwater from overflowing gutters into a larger gutter. I was given a broom and started helping after asking what I should do. The work was exhausting and now my shoes were soaked through too. My body hurts all over especially my back, moving is agonising, I can’t lift my arms all the way, my steps are shorter. The only silver lining is that the work allowed me to work most of my hours without being sent home. Felt like a whore that had just been raped when I finished for the day.

It’s not necessarily worse than being NEET, just a different kind of suffering.

When I got home I realised I’d taken the keys for the ride I operate with me, this might get me fired. Especially since I was asked directly if I had put away the keys, there was a small scramble to find what was missing.

A guy who may have been the owners son said he thought I and the only other ethnic minority working in the outer area of the park were twins. I pulled a finger up at him. This old guy seemed surprised. I thought two possibly offensive actions cancel each other out and become banter. I was going to shave my beard on my day off, I’ll do it tomorrow morning now.

The day before that was alright, some qts, if I’m honest I guess touching them when checking wristbands is a plus, if I had to have an opinion on the action. Girls shoes were in the staff room, that gladiator style that’s popular now, figured there were probably security cams before my imagination ran wild. That stoic guy who trained me shortly on the children’s rollercoaster and covered for me on my break did so again today, he laughs when my break is over, I don’t understand it. I take everything out my pockets when working, he might have stolen money from my wallet or was amused at the sight of my tablets. I purposely left my tablets in plain sight so people might cut me slack for being unsociable. I don’t know how to look the door to the control room. There is a sliding lock, a chain and a padlock, I don’t know what to do with that. Saw one of the Muslim girls from uni at the park, she probably saw me too since I spotted her multiple times throughout the day, sadly no drama. The Indian guy at work got uppity when he helped me tarp up the carousel, he said he was too short and I should stick up the tarp in a less efficient manner in order for him to help me. He also went around asking people about payslips and how long it would be before we were paid, last week.

When I got home I discovered all the doors were locked and my bedroom window was closed, don’t know if I just hadn’t opened it today or if someone had come into my room and closed it due to security concerns. I really do think I opened it before I left.

Pissed myself again, just a bit, when I got home and was taking off my wet clothes, I planned on using the bathroom in a minute, my body anticipated this and like Pavlov’s dog it reacted.

I’ve been incompetent at every job I’ve ever had, if I don’t have autism I probably have some kind of learning difficulty.

Feel as if everything will be better once the new season of the EPL starts.

Mountain Dew does not taste nice, not sure what it really tastes off, it’s different to sort drinks  am familiar with.

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12 thoughts on “Different Hell

      • Ask for CBT. I’ve had it, you’ll get around 6-7 sessions. It’s not amazing and it won’t fix anything, but it will let you learn a thing or two about yourself.

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  1. you make mistakes and forget things at work because 90% of your mind is analysing and mulling over meaningless social interactions. Stop dwelling on that shit so much!

    You mentioned in the other post that you have no problem conversing with readers in the comments section because what you say is just factual. OK, so just keep your social interactions factual. That’s what people generally do. Stop thinking you need to impress people or be something you’re not! eg.

    – hey man I really need to piss can you watch my ride for a sec
    – sorry I accidentally tool the keys home. I don’t know why I did that
    – Jesus Christ my feet hurt this job is much harder than I thought
    – fuck it’s raining again the new jacket my sister brought me is getting ruined

    Also – good job on telling the boss to get fucked. don’t take no shit man

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    • I don’t think you’re right, real people have opinions and bounce off each other, just spewing facts is autistic, like talking to a computer

      I don’t know how to reply tonwhat other people say at all,I don’t know what responses I should expect from the things you posted either

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  2. Some Paki have accused me that go through the archives. so after reading this it just remind me something and went through the archives and i called it BLAST FROM THE PAST

    >My tutorial class has 13 girls, decent looking, I would rape half of them given the chance,
    and now today
    >Felt like a whore that had just been raped when I finished for the day.

    Well pardon my french but you asshole did not get a chance to do it and really happy that someone did get a chance to rape you and succeed in doing it….

    As far as my comment of getting a professional help goes I know that you have taken it but you are just going there for a sake of getting out of the court case. Although my dear Paki friend you should be getting the professional help to get some advantage so you can stop doing all the cruel things what have you done in the past or about to do in the future.

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  3. You are really a pathetic man. Touching qts while checking there wristbands that is so weird man you should really get a life. if you are so desperate get a whore and bang her rather than being frustrated.

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