I wake up at 8.45. Get on the bus at 9.45. Get to work by 10.45. I try to ignore the physical pain. Spend most of the working day bored, agonise over the few social interactions I do have. Leave work at 6.15. Get home at 7. This is my life 6 days of the week for the last month, it’s a terrible way to “live”. Can’t do much of anything with the time I have leftover before sleeping.
My job is my life, it distracts me from real shit but I do stop and think about it for a few seconds here and there, I know what I’m not happy about losing to so many people and I want to keep playing with them, make sure they know I’m not dead. Will have a shop around the darknet markets once I get my laptop back, everything will be better then, so many doors will open up. Should maybe have gotten a new laptop from the start.
Don’t care about upsetting anyone with my actions anymore, I’m far away from them all, alone, detached, I don’t feel anything but anger towards them for making me this way.
Saw this ugly as sin Polish bastard with a Polish qt on the bus, I want them all dead, I hate seeing them. He was talking loudly in Polish on his phone, seemed to irk everyone, felt better knowing people shared my sentiments to some extent.
Short convo with paki chad. He asked what I was doing with the day I specifically needed off. I couldn’t tell him about the solicitor, struggled with it for a bit, he must have thought it strange.
Eastern Euro at work said “hey” to me. I don’t get it, why is he acknowledging me and why now? I naturally want to like him but must stay on my guard, he is Polish after all.
Got shouted at by my manager on the radio. It upset me.
Indian hasn’t been to work the last 3 days, thinking maybe norn Irish knew this when he pinned the blame on him for sharing my blog