I am so fucking done with this life

The ride I was working needed maintenance at the start of the day, the owners 18 year old kid was working on it. My manager told me to wait by the ride. The owners kid was angry at me, told me to find something else to do. This upset me greatly, it reminded me how badly I’ve fucked up my life, that I’m being disrespected by an 18 year old. He’s jumped up gypo cunt, glad he is working maintenance, it’ll be his older brother who runs the park in the future. Spent a good amount of the day imagining curb stomping him, wouldn’t mind doing jail time if I could just fuck him up, something permanent though, broken legs, teeth, etc.

Manager got mad at me but later congratulated me for something minor, guess he felt bad. He said otherwise but he’s been too nice to me. Gave me an early break to wait out the maintenance on the ride.

This life isn’t worth living, I’ve made too many bad decisions, shit RNG and with the environment I was fucked from the start, I just dug an even bigger hole for myself. I’m working an exhausting pathetic minimum wage job, barely making ends meet, I’m living hand to mouth, there’s no point in simply surviving, I don’t enjoy existing. There’s no point in going on, I know I want get the girl or career I want, there’s no great happiness waiting for me.

Probably would have done something sooner, months ago if I had my laptop or lived in the US. It would have been the right decision too, since my suspension I have encountered nothing but suffering and mistreatment despite my positive outlook and attempts to better my situation.

I know what I want to do, just waiting now to get my laptop back so I have the capabilities to do so.

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