I was right about my father asking me for a favour soon, it happened the very first interaction we had today. The worthless paki can’t speak English so he wanted me to “help” him fill out some insurance claim forms. He said we don’t need to do it right now, we’ll do it at night when he’s back from work or wherever it that he fucks off, he thinks that by delaying a demand by 12 hours that he is being nice. He doesn’t know what nice is, he just speaks softly in order to get what he wants and he shows his true colours when he’s told to fuck off and that’s precisely what I did, I don’t mind filling out his forms too much, what I mind is spending time with him, every word out of his mouth is disgusting. I hate that he’s been in this country for 20+ years and can’t speak English, I hate that there are many other people in this country just like him and I hate that they keep coming and are allowed in.
Because I didn’t completely keel over to his specific demands, he started verbally abusing me for about 20 minutes, he’s a complete monster, it’s not a nasty word here or there, it’s a continuous stream of filth and cruel criticism. I would never speak this way to or about another human being, I wouldn’t even do so on posts here or on 4chan…unless that person was scum like my father.
Most of the shit he said, flew over my head since I don’t understand that animal tongue he speaks but the faces he makes and tone he speaks in are still unsettling. However of what he did say, what I did understand were his demands that I get a haircut, said that he’d pay (because to pakis that’s all that they understand, money, it’s the only value they have, the importance of wealth), I told him “no”, that I was growing out my hair and that I liked it as it was, then he called my gypsy, called me stupid, called me a dog, a dickhead, a bastard etc.
Then he went on about how I never leave the house and that I spend all day and night playing video games (This didn’t seem to bother him when I was younger but that’s because he only realised I existed when I turned 18, apparently he said to my mother “you look after them when they’re kids, I’ll take them when they’re grown up” – pakis everyone). Also raved about me getting a job when he was trying to lure me back home when I was employed back in my uni city, noted how my brother got a part time job easily but I couldn’t achieve that in a year, I tried to explain that he’s a fucking taxi driver and has no idea what getting a job is actually like but he rebuffed it by pointing out the amount of money he makes (again, the only thing of value to these people).
He said to himself that he should take me to a doctor, find out what’s wrong with me, still treating me like a child, asking himself where he went wrong and asking me why it is that I’m flipping out now and what my problem is because according to him we’re wealthy. The only thing that’s changed is that I understand that this situation isn’t normal, pakis don’t know what it means to be parents, children are just tool, they’re translators, sources of wealth, status symbols, I wish that I had a proper father, someone who could speak the same language as me and would of at some point in his life asked how I’m feeling or given me a hug.
Last few titbits, he wanted to know my uni situation, I told him, using English words a 3 year old would consider advanced, he didn’t understand, so I just kept repeating the same phrase and it kept confusing and agitating him. Eventually dropped in one word he could understand and he latched onto that and kept asking for confirmation. Asked why I hadn’t booked a driving test yet, truth is I thought I needed my instructor to tell me to do so, I just said that I didn’t think I would pass, which is true, then he called me stupid some more. As he was leaving he started smoking in the house, he knows we hate that, he did it all the time as we were growing up, I wonder how black my lungs are?, he also kept asking where he should put the insurance forms, I said that I didn’t care but he wanted me to look at him place the forms down and answer his questions with “yes”, that’s demeaning so I refused to do it, it also wound him up and he just took the forms with him.
oh, and he still wants me to get married but I’m not spineless like my mother and her siblings (and most pakis in this country), I’m not going along with anything. Guess he’s not going to take the tranny thing well, can’t believe I deluded myself into thinking he’d be indifferent.
Also, my dad’s a fucking rapist and I was born from rape as were my siblings. I also resent my mother firstly for telling me that because telling that to your kids only fucks them up as there’s nothing we can do. Secondly my issue with her is that she fucking stayed with him, she could have left, she could have reported him to the police, she could have stopped from entering the country or even had him removed but instead she stayed with him, grew bitter and took it out on her kids. He doesn’t rape or abuse her any more, hasn’t for 15+ years (the age of my youngest siblings), they never even slept in the same room for as long as I can remember. If I ever did kill myself, I’d have to kill him too, it would be irresponsible to let him live, glad I can type this since he can’t read English, I can’t be arrested for causing him fear or alarm, not that this should be taken seriously, it’s just a hypothetical, I’m not actually threatening to kill anyone.
Apart from that I played some Hearthstone, played a different deck and was able to have fun (and win) again, went with Renolock.
Went to the JobCentre, signed on, took less than 5 minutes, just like usual, my work coach is trying to get me a work placement at the job centre, it’s going to suck but at least it will get me out of the house.
I’m at 149lbs, so I decided to take DNP again today. Conflicting information regarding whether it’s best to eat or not to eat wile on a DNP diet. So I got a burger meal on my way back home, carbs are the fuel that make the mitochondria work or something. I read most of the weight should come off later since I’m carrying a lot of water weight right now due to trying to avoid my body overheating.
Got some sympathy from a trip on /mtfg/ which was nice.
Watched the WWE PPV, it wasn’t good.
Also, I do get how pathetic this is, a 25 year old, bitching about their father.