Misconduct Hearing

Fuck it, it’s all over, I knew from the start they all had an agenda against me and I’ve seen it in action once again. Just like everyone else I’ve encountered, the university has not given me a true chance to speak.

Skimming over the observations before the hearing, I don’t care anymore. Woke up at 5am, showered but didn’t shave, moisturise or wear deodorant. Dad drove me to the train station. Got an Eastern European to move out of the seat I have reserved. Cis female school girls at one of the train stations triggered my dysphoria. Played Dragon Quest through most of the train journey. Once I arrived in Aberdeen, my /britfeel/ “friend” was nowhere to be found, I made my way to the hotel I booked for the night and once again my dysphoria was triggered by cis female students, this time my age. Hotel receptionist was qt Lithuanian, not triggered, she was nice, smiled often. Bought some razors, shaving cream, deodorant and a comb from Pound Shop or something like that. Groomed myself though my hair still looks terrible.

I arrived at the university in a timely fashion about 20 minutes early so I took a long walk around to where I needed to be. Had to wait for another 10 minutes once I arrived. A friendly woman appeared, she had an admin role at the uni and would be taking the minutes of the hearing. The two women actually on the panel that would judge me were my former course co-ordinator, she looked glum throughout and did not speak a word and the new head of the business school who lead the inquisition.

The first only two questions asked was if I knew what the purpose of the misconduct hearing was, I staggered but got it on my own, to decide if I can return to the uni. Next it was stated that I had been convicted of “stalking” and asked if I had any mitigating circumstances to claim or anything else for them to take into consideration.

I tried explaining what I did wasn’t stalking but they wouldn’t hearing it, the fact that I was convicted under that legislation was all they wanted to know. It didn’t matter that the actual subsection of the law that I was screwed under was some anti-freedom, catch-all law that anyone could be arrested for having done anything (I said this).

When I objected further to their claim that I “stalked other students”, I tried in vein again to explain what I actually did but again, they didn’t care, it was also confirmed at this point that the head of the school had no idea what I had done, she said that all she knew that I had a conviction.

A couple of other points I tired making were that I was only fined £300, that this was therefore a minor crime, like speeding. They seemed to take that one, course leader wrote it down but I think it was just for show. My main argument completely flew over their heads though, they didn’t understand or accept blame for suspending me for 1 year when I hadn’t been charged with anything, nor convicted or charged at the end of the bail period, it was just standard procedure, not even an apology, my logic was that we were both at fault so I already took my punishment.

Voice was raspy throughout the day, not sure why I couldn’t speak normally. Anxiety, I guess.

There was nothing for me to say because that’s the format they arranged, it was rigged. Just a charade, a formality they had to get through. Decision had already been made. Pretty annoyed that I spent £110 for nothing. My body language was awful, I started off leaning on the table with my face rested on my fist but by the end I was leaning back in my chair with arms outspread, defeated.

Felt like kicking stuff as I left. Ate a whole Toblerone when I got back, I’m disgusting.

Tried calling detective, he said I could call him way back when, it was just a ruse to get me to incriminate myself but I needed someone real to talk to, wanted to ask him specifically if I was a bad person and to explain it to me because I don’t understand and if I’m not a bad person then I don’t deserve this and that makes everyone else bad. Kinda wanted to have him arrest me or something, I don’t want to be here anymore, it’s fair to say I failed at life and now it’s all about picking my exit route.

And to make this day even worse, noticed a HUGE patch of hypopigmentation on my upper lip, could just be because I shaved today.

Still no reply from the laser clinic.

Hotel room is comfy, might get a McDonalds to further eat away at my sorrows while multiplying them tomorrow, I know I’m pathetic going to Maccies, handing money over like a cuck to the guy who fired me.

Ignored most of my mums texts, answered her eventually.

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41 thoughts on “Misconduct Hearing

  1. Things are dark now poley but they can be better. You need to take a trip to Pakistan to find yourself. You have failed at life here, but it’s not your fault. You were playing a rigged game. Culture is an expression of genetics and your genetics do not allow you to fit with British culture, but you would thrive amongst your fellow pakis.

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    • It’s so true.

      You would do so well in Pakistan mate. Just go. At least before you kill yourself, try living there for a bit. You’d thrive. I believe in you mate.

      You’ve failed at being British but that doesn’t mean you’ve failed at life totally. You have your Pakistani nationality, use it.

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      • You embody the values of this country?

        You don’t work out of choice.
        You stalk women
        You spit and piss in people’s food

        When you said “this country” you must have meant Pakistan.

        You are the one who is wrong. Get some self awareness.

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      • I don’t work because the establishment took away my ability to work.
        I never stalked anyone.
        Normies deserve nothing finer than a bit of piss once in a while, why should their lives be so perfect, why should they get away with trampling me?

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  2. I genuinely feel bad for you, but I wish you would calm down a bit. This isn’t a death sentence, you got kicked out of uni, big fucking deal, you probably weren’t going to finish anyway as anxiety would’ve led you to failing eventually. Plenty of people are happy with normal jobs that they didn’t get from university.

    You have strengths about you. You’re a good writer, you are pretty witty with some of the stuff you post on 4chan, you are observant of the world around you, and you have potential to be a friend of someone. However, and this is big, I really urge you to try and obtain empathy and start caring about people. One common thing I’ve seen from following this from the beginning, is that you rarely ever say anything even kind of nice about anyone. You seem to immediately have a distaste for everyone you meet. You know what they say, if you run into assholes all the time, its probably because you’re the asshole.

    Try your best to open your mind and see the good in things and people. There are good people out there, you COULD be one of them, but you don’t even try to be. I would love to see how things work if you genuinely started doing favors and acting nice towards people. You hate your sister I know this, but do an experiment for me. Offer your sister a favor, and see how she reacts after its done. Protip, don’t go into it thinking she’s going to be an ungrateful bitch, because then youll only look for her to react that way and have a biased view going in. Just offer to help her with something sometime and mean it when you do it.

    People will start treating you a lot better once you come off as endearing or nice to them.

    I urge you not to end your life, I know I don’t know your struggles, but im speaking candidly when I say I don’t think you are a lost cause as a person.

    You need to admit to your faults, which you already sort of do, but admit that this whole situation was a fuck up from you, and that you are going to move past this stage of your life and better everything.

    You’re young as fuck, you have so much time to better yourself. I did some terrible things and got in legal trouble and kicked out of uni when I was 19, I almost ended my life. I look back now and cringe thinking that it was such a big deal. I’m not saying you’re like me, but you still have a chance to have an enjoyable life.

    Do you remember any good memories you’ve had with people? If you do, try and remember what made you happy during that time, that feeling can come back.

    Your mother truly loves you and I don’t like that you blame her for the fault of your father. Can you give her a hug and see how she reacts?

    My heart breaks for you poleaboo, but it breaks for your mother as well. She was texting you a bunch because she absolutely loves you, no matter what your faults are.

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    • listen to this guy poley, he knows what’s up

      I’ve read your shit from day 1 and I like you. I’m 100% sure Id like you of we met and I’d be a mate and have a few beers for sure

      so many of those 4chan people are scum.

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    • I appreciate you trying to help, it means a lot to me that there’s someone out there who genuinely seems to care about me. However it makes me miserable knowing I can’t do or become what you want.

      >This isn’t a death sentence, you got kicked out of uni
      It is, I have nothing else going on in my life and in the last year I failed to make any ground on that, I just don’t know how to function, uni wasn’t a way out, it was a stay of execution

      >big fucking deal, you probably weren’t going to finish anyway as anxiety would’ve led you to failing eventually.
      I was in my final semester…

      >Plenty of people are happy with normal jobs that they didn’t get from university.
      I can’t even get that, I’ve been NEET for over a year and I don’t see how that can change, I can’t aim any lower

      >obtain empathy and start caring about people
      I do have empathy, too much, little things upset me the most, the type where I need to fill in the blanks, like children walking home from school alone when everyone else is in groups, I feel really sad then. I suppose I find i hard to show empathy when I can see some positives about a scenario or individual (e.g. “so what if he lost his legs, he’s still got a gf”)

      >you rarely ever say anything even kind of nice about anyone
      I’d say I feel everyone is nice until they prove otherwise, I loved Chinese Chad and Chad until they offended me, guess the Polish girls fall into that category too

      >I would love to see how things work if you genuinely started doing favors and acting nice towards people.
      There are no longer any people to act nice towards, I rarely leave the house and never interact with regular people. Besides my anxiety always restricted me from expressing how much I wanted to befriend someone or show how much I appreciated their kindness.

      >You hate your sister I know this, but do an experiment for me. Offer your sister a favor, and see how she reacts after its done
      One of the reasons I hate my youngest sisters is because I have don A LOT for them, I buy them stuff, I download them stuff and I even arranged their holiday to Paris and acted as chaperone when my parents didn’t want to take them but they have short memories, they won’t even let me watch something on TV without a fight.

      >I urge you not to end your life, I know I don’t know your struggles, but im speaking candidly when I say I don’t think you are a lost cause as a person.
      I have no moves left, that’s the problem, I could go on this last year because I was waiting for the misconduct hearing but I’m not living for anything now, there’s nothing left to do in this life as me, my story is played through

      >You’re young as fuck
      I’m 25

      >I almost ended my life. I look back now and cringe thinking that it was such a big deal. I’m not saying you’re like me, but you still have a chance to have an enjoyable life.
      19 is different to 25 and you probably had friends and options

      >Do you remember any good memories you’ve had with people? If you do, try and remember what made you happy during that time, that feeling can come back.
      No because the good times are all tainted by me having realised at some point that they weren’t good people I was with
      The guy I smoked weed with was only nice to me because he thought I would commit suicide and talked shit about me
      The Polish guy who invited me to his birthday turned his back on me after the arrest and also talked shit about me
      My friends at school were jerks in hindsight and I hate their paki qualities

      If I had to cling to something, my time with Chad and Chinese Chad was pretty nice, I really liked living with them and thought things were going to finally work out. Chad didn’t deserve to drink my piss, I acted strangely.

      Maybe some of the time I was with my sisters in Paris was nice too.

      >Your mother truly loves you and I don’t like that you blame her for the fault of your father. Can you give her a hug and see how she reacts?
      She never hugged me, it’s her responsibility as a mother to hug me first

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  3. Poleaboo I would honestly be your friend and I live in Manchester too but honestly you seem so untrustworthy. Pissing in people’s drinks and spitting in their food is disgusting. I couldn’t trust you in my flat or with my girlfriend because you’re a pervert. I honestly think you’d end up saying something really insulting if we went for a drink and getting me barred from one of the few places I like to drink in Manchester. You are your own worst enemy Poleaboo. Sort yourself out and stop taking diet drugs.

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      • did you not get your house mate to drink your piss? poleaboo seriously you need to figure out what you want from life and work towards it. This stuck in some kind of purgatory thing you have got to get over. When you do I’ll be here.

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  4. You need to kill yourself, don’t be a bitch about it this time either and come up with some excuse a few weeks from now. You have nothing to live for, no one loves you and you’re never going to pass as a female. You did this to yourself, it’s time to end your life.

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  5. Poley, you say you have nothing to live for, you have no aim that motivates you. You can create it! Keep trying to find a job, that can be your pourpose on a short term.. and then you’ll se what to do, make little steps! If you have patience and put efford into it, you can find a job, and as you have nothing more to do you can use all your energy on that and you will be good! It is your way out, you can make money, you will have something to live for, you will meet people… just try a little more!

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    • This is such a nice post, I wish it could honestly inspire me and solve everything but sorry, it does nothing for me, I have been trying for over a year and I don’t know what more I can do or what I can do differently. I don’t think any combination of words will change my views, if they could I would have found them myself.

      But for you, I’ll apply to a few more jobs in the few days left, if I get an interview it would feel like divine intervention

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      • Thank you.. don’t listen to mean people’s comments, you are an average human beeing just like everybody, the only diference is that you’ve had really bad luck, a series of unfortunate events that had lead you to where you are now. I really hope that you get that interview.

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      • Fake it until you make it. When i was 24 I had no job and was on the verge of being evicted. I walked into a sales job for a hippie group. During orientation, if they had a soda machine in the lobby I would have grabbed my coat and never returned. But they didn’t, and I sat there and learned what I was supposed to do: call people and ask them for money. It sucked, I didn’t give a shit about the cause and I was too socially retarded to do it. But without much to lose, I sat at a desk and listened to the manager run through a call. He was a nice guy, pleasant and had some kind of charisma. I realized that if I did this on my own, I’d never get anywhere. But if I could copy him, maybe I could figure it out — not just selling things, but talking to people, which would lead to me not being homeless…

        That changed my life, brother. I probably did a poor imitation of this “Chad” but I learned and adapted over time. It’s called “fake it until you make it.” You have a terrible case of imposter’s syndrome that probably grew out of misanthropy and wounded narcissism. But the trick is that nobody knows you’re faking confidence. They’re too busy hoping you don’t notice that they’re faking it too.

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      • You have certainly been in a tougher position than me, it’s an inspirational story. Hard to imagine myself making the same recovery but it’s good to know it’s possible.

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      • Poley, I didn’t have any more fortitude or talent than you do right now. The only reason I stuck around was I was too much of a pussy to just say fuck this job, this is bullshit and run away.

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  6. You’re a freak and everyone can tell when they look at you, not even robots like you. And of course you ruined the one thing you had going for you being an autist. Where I in your position I would just end it already.

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    • Yeah, I know I’m a substandard human being, I don’t even have social skills, unlike the pakis I hate so much. I will end it, don’t be smug, this is what I want, this is the path of maximum happiness/minimum pain for me.

      Like

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