Last night I couldn’t help myself, I felt peckish and depressed so had to eat away that monster. As I left the hotel I took care to avoid the gaze of the receptionist, didn’t want to look pathetic and when I left the actual building I was surprised to see a former co-worker from the amusement park, it was the cool guy, the one who trained me on the log flume ride, asked me if I needed the bathroom once and was nice enough to say goodbye to me once he quit. I think I was able to avoid him noticing me, I crossed the street when I saw him but he could have spotted me before I spied him.
Went into Burger King because I didn’t want to give money to the McDonalds franchise owner. I joined the queue, first time in a BK store, not familiar with the menu, it wasn’t clearly displayed so I panicked and left. Next I went to McDonalds, my pride wasn’t worth feeling the way I did, they had those self-order machines, I entered mine but at the end realised they took only cards, not cash, I was embarrassed and quickly left, felt everyone was looking at me even on the streets, had to move as quickly as possible. I walked back in the direction of the Burger King and decided to enter KFC, the shop was near empty and the menus clearly displayed. Placed my order with easy, a “Sizzler burger meal” iirc, it was tasty but small. The individual who served me was an Eastern European female and all the staff working there, minus the supervisor, were female. No wonder I couldn’t get a job here. The humanity gathered on the street at this time triggered me, obviously, confident cis women and socialising normies.
Had a comfy meal, a comfy time in general and a comfy sleep in my hotel room, it was dark, warm and quiet, the better part of my trip here felt like a holiday. Still couldn’t shake those feelings though, had to start cutting again, only really took me away for about 30-60 minutes.
Had to check out at noon and kill 3 hours before my train departed. Spent one hour at the library, spent another at McDonalds where I made use of their Wi-Fi (Chicken Legend meal with vanilla milkshake), felt bad about getting fast food again but it was the only meal I had today, with the exception of a biscuit in my hotel room. McDonalds was quite triggering, lot of kids working there, no chance of me getting back into the fast food business at my age. The people on the street even at this time also triggered me, high student population here. The last hour was spent back in the library, a Chinese woman looked at me as I was entering so I felt uncomfortable sitting in front of her, I instead found another seat.
The first of the two trains I took to get back home was a pleasant experience, played Dragon Quest throughout. The second train was OK too, played DQ for most of it and listened to music for the rest. Big Eastern European guy seated next to me, he would switch seats inbetween stops so he could have more space without violating anyones reservation. He left about an hour before the end of the trains journey, three young women in denim shorts got on, triggered, a young woman sat next to me out of choice though, that was nice.
Off the train I popped, noticed some trans women outside, I think they were just transvestites/drag queens though, heavy makeup, wigs, no attempt at voice and after 5 minutes of walking down to the third train station (walking makes it a separate journey), I exclaimed “SHIT”. The realisation that I left my laptop bag on the train had hit me, in addition to my laptop it also contained £250+ worth of tranny pills and DNP. I ran a short distance before returning to a fast walk, once I reached the train station I fairly confidently but with panic in my voice detailed my situation to the main customer service guy “I left my bag on the X train to X”, he determined which company it belonged to and then directed me toward people at the station who worked for that train company. Couldn’t find the guys but men from another train company pointed them out to me, when I got talking to the relevant people, I was advised to either call customer service or go down to the final stop and see if it has been handed in to “Lost Property”, I went with the latter option as the last stop was only one stop down from here, a roughly £5 ticket. These people were incredibly nice and helpful.
Got on my train, spoke to the conductor because the last guy I spoke to said I should but I didn’t quite hear why and confirmed that I should find my property there. 10/15 minute trip. I head to customer service and ask where lost property is, guy slowly and grumpily point back in the direction I came and says the level below here. I rush off but find nothing but toilets. I come back and ask for more detailed directions. The man laughs and says I ran off while he was in mid-sentence. I laugh too. The first time I can remember laughing in a long time and such a natural one and born out of a social situation to boot. Felt great, felt nice to see the other guy laugh and smile too. What I presumed to be the last step in my quest was the lost property office, I entered and stopped myself before I could speak as I spotted my laptop bag and just pointed at it. The man and woman there asked if it was mine, I said that there’s a laptop and pills in there, they asked for ID, I said there’s also a letter with my name in the front pocket, woman pulls it out and I show my university ID card. Signed a paper, said thank you and goodbye repeatedly and hit the train back to the previous station.
Boring story, I’m sure but it was the most exiting thing I’ve done in a long time, it was an adventure, just consider, I went somewhere new, I spoke to several new people (ALL of them super nice), gathered information, shared a laugh, there were time constraints, the outcome was uncertain as both success and failure (laptop theft) were possible and my heart was racing throughout, not least of all because I felt the need to run.
Once I got to the final station everything went smoothly, the walk home was a quiet one as the streets in my town, even around the train stations, were dead. No one was awake at home, around midnight when I arrived. Sat down in the living room getting this post out, my dad eventually arrives home and quizzes me on the misconduct hearing, I don’t answer some questions and confuse him with others, he says that he’s asking nicely, I tell him that it’s pretend, I know how he really is, he doesn’t really really understand though. I try to explain that he isn’t talking to me, talking would require a back and forth and that would require him to know English, all that he’s doing is asking questions but I don’t feel like answering them because I don’t get anything out of it and even if he did want to talk, I don’t want to. He does the same generic shit, criticises my clothes (he was wearing a tracksuit), asks where it all went wrong and just stands and stares at me but no swearing or name calling this time.
Dad is disgusting, burps and loudly farts a lot. His diet is terrible and he’s gone back to smoking cigarettes so he might die soon, naturally, fingers crossed.
When I masturbate now there is no ejaculate at all. Absolutely nothing. I’ll have to enquire about this as I’m using Bica now.
Laser clinic replied, yay, but only after I sent another email, so that’s 5 total before getting a reply (also 1 from a fake account to see if I was being ignored), they apologised and booked me in for a patch test this Saturday.