More Kindness

A guy on /r9k/ was nice enough to call up the Xmas temp recruiters and do a little investigating for me. They do seem to be more inclined to hire white British workers, this was proven when the /r9k/ poster was asked a series of standard questions whereas I was simply fobbed off and told they’ll call me back. My friend did try to help me out though, reminded them I had called and asked that they get in touch with me. The interviews are next week and that’s also when details will be sent out, allegedly. It was a nice thing for someone to have done for me, no one else would, no one who physically surrounds me understands my problems.

I applied to 5-10 other jobs today.

Fought with my dad again, he wanted me to call his insurance to check that documents had arrived, I told them that I’d email them instead. I find it difficult enough to make a call on my own behalf due to anxiety nevermind his, that and I just don’t like being told what to do. He wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, typical of a rapist. He just kept pestering me until my patience wore out and I told him to fuck off, then he did his usual shtick of checking my laptop screen, seeing I was playing Hearthstone and then unloading abuse onto me. I threatened to stab him and said that now that he had said those awful things I wouldn’t even send an email. He was confused, he thought because “he was nice” at the start, it entitled him to have me do whatever he wanted, rapist mentality. He went back to hurling abuse, I just repeated the word “paki” to drown him out until he left.

Second altercation with my dad today was when he brought me a letter to read. He can’t read English. It was from the council, they said he can begin building his extension provided he gives them two days notice. I told him this, but he didn’t understand English, there was nothing I could do differently, he asks me to help  him understand or something, it’s not like I am capable of magically learning paki language in an instant, I just repeat myself and he repeats the odd word I say, after the third attempt he asks me to speak slowly, so I slowly shout every single word. He gets pissed off but he gets the message in the end before spewing his vile comments again. Also his uncle or brother died, I told him that I didn’t care, it’s not like I knew him.

Weighed 143.25lbs today, that’s either my lowest or joint lowest. Whenever I hit a low though I think it an excuse for eating and accordingly I ate poorly again today, not enough to put weight on but still I couldn’t hit my target. I do have an excuse though, DNP makes to especially hungry, craving carbs in particular. Despite having that sardine(+tuna) bowl I promised myself, I also had 2 bowls of cereal and some other carbs that I’m too ashamed to mention. DNP cycle is over, I’ll do it again next week, 8 caps left, that’s 4 days, here’s hoping I can get under 140lbs.

Read some cape comics, I still don’t like anything, I hate that it’s come to this, I am not fond of the current status quo for almost everything and for those I don’t dislike then it’s just an issue of me not liking the current arc which will take 6 months to end or worse, not liking the current writer which will take at least a year to change.

Laser tomorrow.


4 thoughts on “More Kindness

  1. Good work my man! I see that you’ve been eating sardines. Try some mackerel too. Oily fish like that is so good for you. It contains Omega 3 which helps to keep the mood stable.

    Whenever things feel tough, just remember that Brad and I are your friends and we are here to support you.


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