Your time will come soon enough

Dad was cruel and intrusive again. He entered my room and remained there for a solid hour, sometimes he was just sit on the edge of my bed staring into space and tutting occasionally, towards the end he was standing near the door, staring at me. However for the most part he was asking me questions, not offering any advice and cruelly insulting and criticising me.

There were only three points of discussion though they would repeated many times. He asked when my next driving lesson was, I told him I misremembered the date I started my job so I haven’t booked one yet. He became abusive after hearing this, as if I was somehow seriously at fault for this and even after explaining he still harped on about it. I don’t understand why he is so interested in my driving progress. He wanted information on my job too, he had nothing to say, he just wanted to know details of my life for the sake of knowing, I tell him where, my shifts, my pay and what does he give me in return? Nothing.

Informed my dad about the expulsion, his advice here was “apologise”, useless but that was the only constructive advice he offered. He said if I don’t go back to university I should apply to a local university, he’d even pay and that if I don’t go to school then I should get married, I scoffed and he wouldn’t answer why I didn’t want to. It’s completely pointless speaking to this animal, he has nothing to say that’s worth hearing.

He compared me to my sibling and neighbours, asking why I couldn’t get a job. Told me to wear nice clothes and go outside. Told me to get a haircut, pointed out my patchy facial hair (due to laser) and my finger nails (not really particularly long), it disgusted me how he touched my hands and fingers in order to inspect the nails. The one bit of the conversation that sticks out though is how he pointed out that he “favoured” me, gave me money when I asked etc (I rarely asked for money and it was never unreasonable), I responded by telling him favouring one child made him a bad father. His retort was that he believed if he was good then the others would follow me, I tried to explain again why that made him bad and if he understood English then I’d remind him he was a rapist. I can’t remember or understand even half the crap he said.

He finally fucked off 5 minutes after a sequence when I tried snapping my headphone and threw them against a wall, I told him to chuck them in the bin on his way out. Dad motioned towards trying to physically assault me. On his way out he picked up my headphones and smashed them against the wall again.

Started working on my appeal. Didn’t get much help from the Student Union, they said it looked fine basically. I have a lot of words down, not sure if there’s much substance. Made a complaint against the woman who conducted my misconduct hearing, I expect to hear something back tomorrow after a few email exchanges with the principal.

Lost my tweezers, fortunately they’re incredibly cheap but I’ll have to buy them online.

Played some Hearthstone.

Still eating terribly, that DNP can’t come soon enough, perhaps it’ll take around a week, it’s shipped from the US.

Watched WWE Hell in a Cell, nothing special. Last Week Tonight was alright.

I told my father something dark, just to see his reaction, he didn’t understand at first but then all he said was that he couldn’t understand why I’d think to do something like that given the apparently easy life I have. Once again proving it’s pointless to talk to him.


13 thoughts on “Your time will come soon enough

  1. I’m not even going to pretend your father is a nice man, a pleasant man or anything. The reality is that this guy walked into your room and was perhaps the only human being to show the slightest interest in you to the point of offering to pay for your schooling (hey, a potential way out) and all you could do is sneer and rant.

    Your response will undoubtedly be that he doesn’t care, he’s evil, etc. I expect it, because you’re essentially a person locked into a teenage mentality. I honestly think he’d have a fair case if he wanted to honor kill you.


      • When I talk to my dad, he’s my father and I’m his son but we’re talking like men. You’re a sniveling child, like a bratty 13 year old afraid to be seen by her parents in the mall.

        If you don’t like it, be consistent and get the fuck out of his house.


  2. tell me something you call your dad a rapist? please could you elaborate some thing did he has sexual intercourse with your mother with out marrying her? why didn’t she report that ? why didn’t she get him to the police ? and not just one occasion but you do have siblings as well right ?

    poley if any thing happens between a men and a women after marriage its certainly not rape

    and for god sake get your self a lawyer so you have someone on your side who can defend you in a most professional way and even the lawyer will be with you at the time of hearing


    • Rape within marriage is a concept that exists in civilized countries.

      My mother didn’t report it, I don’t understand why exactly and that’s why I look down on her. I guess she’s just weak. I know her sister killed herself in the same situation, that probably factored into it.

      I’m not getting a lawyer, there’s no misconduct hearing, there’s nothing for him to represent me at at this stage, the appeal in done over email.


    • There is no consensual sex in Pakistani culture, there is only rape.

      My mother and her sisters were married off (I’m not sure of the circumstances but there father died around this time)
      They were raped, impregnated and then back in England my mothers sister chose to kill herself (hung herself and the neighbours found her, I here, the kid was taken into care and the father went back to Pakistan but even my mother doesn’t know for sure)


  3. That’s some heavy family shit. Pakistani culture is very conservative. It values patriarchy and conformity above all else, whereas Western culture stresses gender equality and individualism. These values obviously don’t mix. I can understand why you’re experiencing such a destabilising identity crisis Poley.


      • #1 Muh feelz
        #2 Muh feelz
        #3 Muh feelz

        If you believe that you’re better off dead, what is a little discomfort? An understanding that this life that had a beginning also has an end should be liberating to you, but you’re still retreating into your shell like a frightened turtle.

        If you have nothing to look forward to you have nothing to lose.


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