The entry formerly titled “Early entry to be updated later”

I was awoken today sometime between 8am and 9am by my mother, she said a Policeman was here “for my concern” in a puzzled voice and he said to take my time getting changed I pulled some jeans on and the t-shirt and check shirt I had been wearing yesterday (and the days before that) got descended the stairs pretty quickly, I was excited, my dad was hovering around upstairs as I went down.

It was a lone copper, he looked like President Assad, presumably anglo-saxon though and the bearer of a fuller moustache. He asked if I knew why he was here – classic, trying to get me to admit to something, anything, cut his workload, it’s so obvious and transparent unless it’s your first time and they get you by surprise, I hate to say that I fell for this the first time I encountered it. Told him “no”, he then asked if I’d been sending some messages and then went into detail, said Police Scotland had asked him to check up on me, I’d sent an email about “not wanting a diploma, having no skills and popping pills”, he avoided the term “tranny” that came before pills, I guess he was expecting something different, I look terrible, hadn’t shaved for a few says and my hair is always a state in the morning.

Regarding the email I told him it was sarcastic and I had sent it to my old uni. He didn’t know to whom it had been sent to and he had only received a snippet of the email, I don’t know why he was kept in the dark over these points. I was informed concern was raised over the “popping pills” line. I’d sent the email 5 days ago, if I was seriously taking drugs with the intention of killing myself, I’d be dead by now.

Before leaving he just asked the usual stuff if I was harming myself etc., as if anyone every answers the affirmative. I went back upstairs, the copper escorted himself out, my dad asked who it was, I said nothing and the monkey rand down the stairs and through the hallway like a dog so he could open the door and get a peak at a real man before he left. Dad later came into my room and gave me the usual shit, said I better not be misbehaving again, in paki language and as usual the paki words triggered me, they sound so uncivilized.

At least this confirms my uni does have pull with the police, no way this would be investigated normally. Bit puzzled though, why show concern for my welfare after pushing me to breaking point? Mostly likely the universities original complaint differs from what eventually filtered down to my local police force, they probably wanted me locked up again for something or other.

Feeling kinda sick today, could just be because I woke up early or it could be the DNP. Fatigue is certainly kicking in but none of the other effects with much severity. If I do die soon, it will be from taking too much of this but that won’t be soon, I only just realised that I might not be able to take DNP while working.

Told my dad I was expelled, he took it well. Even asked if completing my studies was what I wanted.

My sister and mother kept at me to the point I divulged most of the contents of the discussion between myself and the police officer, my sister isn’t as dense as my mother, she understood what “for you concern meant”, I told her though it was ridiculous to think I was contemplating suicide, being as moderately intelligent as she is, she didn’t buy it completely, she wondered why anyone would have suspicions in the first place and why a copper would bother to chase up something so minor.

I left the house today to post a form sent to me by my Xmas temp employers. It was snowing/raining, it was nice and since I’m back on the DNP I figured I’d treat myself to an Arizonas burger meal and watch Bojack Horseman.


9 thoughts on “The entry formerly titled “Early entry to be updated later”

    • That’s because he didn’t really care, they just want to be able to say “we tried”, if I claim I’m not going to kill myself and that I’m not taking anything, what can they do?


  1. Yo this is unrelated but Bojack Horseman is a really good show. I was surprised with how serious it is and helped me understand some parts of my own personal depression that I hadn’t been able to face. After you get through the first season or so (I don’t know how far you are), I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts on it.


  2. POLEABOO i was reading about DNP and its really bad for you. i know u wanna lose weight but there are safer (although harder) ways to do so. im not tryin to preach its ur decision in the end but just consider it alrite?


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