This was 100% my personal fuckup and I can’t pin it on Social Anxiety

My first day of work went relatively well, I arrived half an hour early so had to knock about for a bit around the smoking area, when I was brought in, it was by the same guy who did my induction, he didn’t smile, talk or make jokes today, that was offputting. I then proceeded to wait inside in the warehouse area until the main boss guy did his announcements regarding how the day would go down (who was doing what duties and some other tibets that meant nothing to me), it was shocking again, I was expecting another short induction, not to just be thrown into the fire. I asked for clarity on what I was supposed to be doing, instead of being given the dreaded assignment of lifting 15kg boxes all day in a temperature of -18c, I was instead given perhaps the easiest job available, that job was “stripping lorries”, I was taken to the “chilled” area, not the freezer and another guy was told to instruct me. The job involved removing cages from the lorries and that’s it really, the cages even at their worst weren’t that heavy

The guy in question was on my induction and had only started on Thursday, he had a wealth of warehouse experience despite only being around 20 years old. I don’t want to get too into him now as if he ends up reading this, it’s going to sound weird. He had a cool look, I’ll say that and he was friendly, there always seems to be a guy like this everywhere I work, happy to help, always smiling, making jokes or talking, just generally a pleasant person who is going above and beyond to make you feel at ease, they really don’t need to be doing this, that’s what makes them so nice. Other examples would be the McDonalds twink, the chubby amusement park girl and the Royal Mail paki.

I fucked up quite a lot, it made me feel stupid and aware that I was making a poor first impression. A co-worker commented on my lack of common sense. The nice guy was nice about it, constantly dishing out tips and advice, making a friendly joke on his observations on occasion too. A couple of co-workers were a bit mean but I had limited interactions with everyone other than the nice guy who I was directly working with.

I walked to the bus stop with the nice guy and together and we talked a bit or rather he talked since I can’t really speak much due to anxiety, turns out he was expelled from college but for far cooler reasons than myself, he smoked weed while abroad, not sure if the story is true but cool, despite not saying much I was able to stitch myself up a bit by mentioning 4chan, he didn’t know anything about it beyond “memes” so that wasn’t a disaster. Waited for the bus, I avoided sitting next to him because social-anxiety/poor social skills. I don’t want to undersell how much I appreciated his friendliness and just how friendly he was but I also don’t want to come across like I’m crushing on the guy so I’m going to end my observations on him here.

Mostly a good day, I moved around a lot so my feet didn’t hurt but my joints and a few other parts of my body that I shouldn’t have used did (e.g. I used my thighs to push heavy crates into place). Need to ask for an ID card to get through the gate and to arrange my 2 weekly days off. Poor show by my employer for not having done this on my first day.

The next day I decided to get the bus that arrived half an hour later since I arrived early the previous day and that’s something that I just hate. Unfortunately however the bus I was supposed to board went out of service or some other circumstance removed it from circulation meaning that I would need to wait half an hour for the next bus, making me half an hour late for work. I tried to call to inform my employer but using the number I found off the internet, I wasn’t able to get anywhere. I just went home, the thought of having to explain my tardiness in person agitated my anxiety, I was also worried that they would have adjusted to my absence and didn’t want me to arrive late. Subconsciously, I didn’t want to go to work at all, I believe, I was hurting severely from the previous day and didn’t get a good nights sleep.

Took some DNP, I was feeling fat. Today I’m just feeling ugly

Today I called up my agency and told them of my situation and asked if I should come into work today. They didn’t know, guess they had poor communication with the site too, I didn’t want to do this, same issues as earlier, anxiety and now DNP fatigue. Not 100% sure why I don’t want to though, maybe I’m just lazy or I’m looking for an excuse for some other reason. I hope my actions don’t affect anyones thoughts and opinions in the future. I hope the nice guy is still nice and the warehouse will still hire people with no prior experience.

Gonna get my bennies sanctioned over this.

Took DNP again today, my cycle is officially on. Maybe I quit because I was feeling fat and couldn’t take DNP while working due to fatigue?

Taking Sertaline, I was prescribed some over a year ago, didn’t take it but saved it, I’m taking it now after hearing how it can alleviate certain depression symptoms I didn’t know were depression symptoms such as difficulty waking up and overeating.

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16 thoughts on “This was 100% my personal fuckup and I can’t pin it on Social Anxiety

  1. Wait, you skipped a day of work just because you’d be 30 minutes late? And through no fault of your own to boot?
    Grow some balls man, nobody is going to crucify you because of that, the worst that could happen is you getting bitched at for a few minutes.

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    • But you can understand how something like this would cause me distress due to my anxiety?

      The guy who interviewed me said all they care about is that I arrive on time and that I put effort in
      I would have said that punctuality is the one thing they could rely on from me, it’s something I can always do right but now that I’ve fucked this up, what do I have to offer?

      It was my fault, I should have gotten the earlier bus

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      • Ive fucked up and overslept and shown up 2 hours late, theyre annoyed but still grateful that youre there as the work still needs to be done. its a LOT worse not showing up at all

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      • If I knew that for certain then I would show up.
        More than anything, it’s the fear of not knowing what will happen under certain circumstances that prevents me from acting.

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      • > But you can understand how something like this would cause me distress due to my anxiety?

        But you can understand how you fucked yourself twice as bad because once again you held your feelz above being considerate to other people?

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      • Listen to me. The universe is uncontrollable. The only thing that IS controllable is your reaction to it. ALL of your problems don’t come from dysmorphia or autism or perversion or anything else. They come because you act upon your feelz.

        Feelings are temporary and you repeatedly, over and over, make self-destructive decisions based upon these. When you can’t control yourself, STOP and DO NOTHING. Wait and think it through.

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  2. You remember how you complained for a year about not being able to get a job?
    You remember how you quit two jobs in one month?

    Now put the pieces together.

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  3. Jesus Christ… Good job, decent pay, nice people … And you quit after ONE DAY – AGAIN!

    Oh well, at least you know you’re capable of getting work now

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    • Don’t know if you’d call it a “good” job, after Xmas I’d likely be moved off the easy task and given the standard gig in the freezer.

      The nice guy said that it seems they don’t want to be training too many new people around this time.

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  4. I can understand it mate. If you dread having to explain that you’re late, and you don’t want to do the job anyway, then it makes sense to just sack it off and go home – at least in the immediate term.

    But it’s good that you know you fucked up. Nice to see you take personal responsibility for something. You’re on the right track mate.

    The next job will be a keeper I’m sure.

    Like

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