What do I have, if not hate?

Recently I’ve been expressing negative views regarding my grandmother and uncle, I felt they played a large part in my upbringing and so I blamed them for what I am now. I however ignored the good times and their love so perhaps my hate is misguided.

My uncle was my male role model, a NEET with various bad traits such as collecting things and having large vidya and video collections. He corrupted me. I dislike him as a person though because he was so snarky, he genuinely hurt my feelings and favoured my cousins family over mine. I’m supposed to love him though because he did things my father should have, he took me to the cinema, trips to the city and some other time consuming things. The cynic in me would say that he was using me to do things he wanted to do anyway since he had no friends.

Grandma looked after me often until I was 3 years old while my mum worked, even when we moved out, I would visit my gran often. She clearly still loves me a lot. My issue with her is that she doesn’t know English, never worked and is partly responsible for my mother being married to a man who raped her.

Gran is concerned about me being arrested and offered some money to help me out. I called my uncle to say I didn’t need any money or anyone (in a moderately polite way), he offered some worthless and generic advice, I blew him off. My sister told me off and I felt guilty.

Need to figure out who my enemies are and express myself properly.

Still not heard from my solicitor or the psych.

On a keto diet, eating cheese, eggs and chicken.

Laser is going well in certain areas.

I’m not a size 8 and never will be, it’s a height/ribcage issue, size 12/14? or maybe I need specialist clothes for taller women?

On another note, here’s a pic of Aberdeen Xmas markets (a Berlin solidarity thing, obviously)