My heart breaks when reading stories like this, just a reminder that there is so much more work that needs to be done. I can imagine how distressed and hopeless she must have been feeling, I know I would have done the same thing if I was in her position, to live as a man is bad enough but live as a man whilst in prison for a decade? Fuck that.
I’m pretty sure I’m in Ketosis now, had around 5g of carbs yesterday and less than 1000 calories for the day, I think the water weight has already started to come off, I’m back down to 139.75lbs. My diet consists on cheddar cheese, almonds and salted peanuts (around 80g fat, 40g protein). Pokemon has proven to be an effective distraction from the hunger, it’s just a shame I can’t access the online features at present, a sacrificial 3DS is required in order to perform the fix but I can’t expend the cash right now and hacking another console would be too much of a chore right now, especially without my laptop.
For some unknown reason my sister is attacking me over my weight loss and dieting again, she’s making comments that would suggest I never shared that I was having gender identity issues with her.
- “I don’t know any guys who cut out carbs”
- “Fair enough you want to lose fat but men eat protein and go to the gym to build muscle, not just to lose weight”
- “You need to go to the gym, you need to build muscle”
Her references to male behavior are just shocking, I think the only reasonable explanation is that she was trying to get me to open up about gender again by forcing me to explain myself.
Had laser today, got a good close shave last night and the settings on the machine were turned up so I’ve got my hopes up (as usual), it does irk me though how the laser settings aren’t set as high as possible ASAP, the pain is terrible, I struggle to imagine anything worse but I will endure anything to soften my dysphoria. Perhaps unsurprisingly the city centre was near devoid of humanity, a stark contrast to the same time last month and the month before that, what was surprising however was that the laser clinic only seemed to have one person on duty, last time I was there there were at least 5. My technician has gathered that I don’t want any small talk, doesn’t make me feel much less awkward.
I am currently experiencing dysphoria regarding my shoulders, they really are just a bit too broad to be wearing certain clothes, perhaps I just need a larger size?
“Friend” from high school is getting married, don’t really know anything about her though, safe to assume she’s a paki though. It annoys me greatly that he seems to have attained a decent life for himself, a safe job, friends, travels regularly and now a partner. The only solace is that he is incredibly insecure, he constantly lies about his job title, edits himself onto Wikipedia, he’s a complete tool, writes, dresses and behaves like a typical teenage paki despite being 25, plus he definitely has negro blood, can tell from his dark skin and kinda nappy hair, the cunt is literally only capable of one hairstyle. It hurts because I’m superior to him, or at least I was, same with another friend of ours, it’s not fair that I had to be the one society dubs a failure. I’ll probably get invited to his wedding even though we haven’t spoken for almost a decade and he rejected my facebook friend request (yes, I reacted to this as you’d expect). Managed to get him with a fake girl account though, pathetic, I have enough tools to cause some serious irl problems for him, sucks for him to be a paki with a unique name.
Got a job interview but I suspect it might be more than that, it’s a 2am-10am night shift (different to the advertised shift time), only 16 hours a week to start with and they want to meet me tomorrow, so it’s likely I already have the job. Although reading the advert again, it does sound rather demanding in terms of skills, it’s a kitchen role, though given the hours I’d imagine I’d just be moving stock and cleaning. Rather impressed with myself, getting 3 job in 45 days.
Still nothing from the psych, a month since the assessment and 2 weeks since I was put on the list for counselling.