God is Dead (I know it’s fedora as fuck, I’m doing it ironically)

Got another interview, it’s really quite amazing how exaggerating/outright fabricating the contents of my CV has vastly improved my response rate (though improving upon 0% isn’t an amazing feat).

Almost a week ago now I told my family (excluding my father) that I don’t believe in God (a simplification since I’m actually agnostic), it seemed the right time, I was watching something on television with my mother, surprised by the responses I received from her and my sister, we were never religious, shocking that she is fine with the tranny stuff but not the agnostic/atheist stuff. My mother was worried for my soul, I tuned out her garbage. My sister wanted a discussion but I hadn’t researched sufficiently to back up my claims that religions are generally mean spirited and silly. However I think I won when I said “Why Islam and not another religion?”, the only response was that they were Muslim because they were born that way, also “muh faith” with regards to believing in God in general. I’ll probably renege since this makes people uncomfortable but I doubt there will ever be a non-clunky way to state “I’m Muslim again”.

My fucking solicitor is on holiday and din’t tell me, back on Monday.

My mum visited the library today while I was there, she prodded me, then sat at the computer opposite me and asked how I was. I got up without a word and left.

The psych place finally called back, the woman who conducted my assessment returned to work this week, I was told she had a discussion with a clinical psychologist and partially because I didn’t speak much about my feelings but rather things that happened, I have been put forward for counselling. It will be two more months before I actually speak to someone. The purpose of this form of therapy will be for me to explore further and if necessary go on to other forms of therapy afterwards. She spoke a lot, say around 15 minutes, I just said “yeah”, “no” and “I suppose”, I started sweating and just wanted to end the call, she stressed that I could always call her and that there were various forms of help available, she spoke to me softly like a child throughout. ‘Self-esteem’ was a term that came up repeatedly, that seemed to be, along with identity, what were considered my main issues, broadly speaking. The long wait for counselling is also due to me being low risk (of suicide) and I said that I am not currently self-harming nor do I have any plans.

• Registered with a GP in September
• Asked for a referral in October
• Received my referral in November
• Had my assessment in December
• 3 months now until counselling
• God knows how much longer before I get to a GIC or if I’ll even need it by that point