Productive Tuesday

Yesterday wasn’t good, two hours on internet time isn’t nearly enough, I went to bed around 4pm and spent 18 hours of the day there, much like the Sunday before it. There’s just nothing to do, all I have to occupy me are my fantasies but even they run dry quickly. I got up and took a walk around the house around 9pm, soon after entering the living room, I snapped at my mother who commented that I was sleeping a lot lately, my response was loud and possibly scary, I asked her “What the fuck else am I supposed to do?”. Shouted at my sister a bit to return my tablet and stated that I couldn’t even watch TV since they monopolise it after 6:30pm watching soap operas, my mum even found a new one on a free-to-air paki channel.

This morning I apologised for my outburst even though my mother pretended as if it hadn’t happened, my apology was weak, I said that I should “probably” apologise and explained the reason for my unhappiness (my hair) and that she should expect it to last a while. I also meant to say, “it” wasn’t her fault but I can’t recall if I muttered that. When apologising, she wore a serious look upon her face, it was rare and unpleasant.

My dad asked me to buy some razor blades (the lack of them in the house is one reason I haven’t returned to self-harm yet), I obliged and didn’t bite his head off.

Today I also attended a dentist appointment, arranged yesterday, my X-ray showed I had 3 cavities, this is my first dental checkup since 2011, this damage is likely due to my student years when I was drinking a bottle of fizzy drink every week and didn’t care about the sugar in my diet from doughnuts and the like, I hope my sugar coated estrogen pills aren’t a contributing factor. These are also my first ever fillings, appointment scheduled in a couple of weeks. Not happy about this, I was generally proud of my teeth, they’re very white and unlike my dentist, they’re British, I think he’s South African or Dutch. The dental assistants were all female, young, thin and pretty, triggering to say the least. Got prescribed some fluoride toothpaste, picked it up at the chemists, the woman there was also of a similar stock to the dental assistants, she and a young male there both had arm tattoos, odd. The chemist was run though by a middle aged paki. On the way back I saw some chavs and a scarfy (paki wearing a headscarf) drive over a mini roundabout painted on the road.

Keto diet is going well, the sleep helps kill the cravings. I should find something to replace the nuts though, they’re high in calories and easy to snack on.

I regret de-registering from my GP, that doesn’t do me any good, I have a lot on this week so I’ll call up next Monday.

Locked out of my Amazon account, can’t confirm my neighbour is holding onto my copy of The Silmarillion (meant as a gift).

Fantasised about setting up a used comic, manga and game store in my town, there are plenty of empty storefronts on the high street and incentive schemes. Used because new stuff is too expensive and games because I could organise a DnD group.

Chav in the library was arguing on the phone about access to his kid, quite threatening.

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