I woke up at 7am, took my E and had a few Brazil Nuts for breakfast. Later I showered, shaved and prepared my packed lunch (some more Brazil Nuts, a yogurt and a banana), the only other prep was choosing my outfit, I wasn’t sure what exactly “smart casual” meant or what to expect from other employees, I eventually settled on jeans, trainers and a red shirt (not a work shirt).
I arrived at the train station at around 8am but was unprepared for the morning rush, after getting to the front of the queue that reached the foot of the stairs, I learned I was also unprepared to buy a season ticket as I had no photo. The train was packed, I was sandwiched between two guys, kept apologising for stepping on their toes. I’m guessing a lot of those on the train were students, usual triggering.
The journey to the work site was fine, I know my way around well enough now. I’m going to assume people at work may find my blog so I’m going to take the safe route and stick to regurgitating only positive facts and observations.
The call centre physical environment is trendy and the people working there seem to be too, quite young. Turns out training lasts 4 weeks, I don’t take calls until Friday, the woman overseeing the training was cool, tattoos everywhere, nosering and a couple of other facial piercings, kinda funny and her attitude and appearance reminded me of a school teacher I had, wouldn’t be surprised if they were related. On the topic of school, that’s exactly what this felt like, uni actually, sitting a watching the PowerPoint with some fiddling about on the computer.
In terms of socialising and my anxiety, the day was a disaster, when asked to speak in front of the class, I read my script quickly and weakly as if I were a terrified child back in education. The group I was training with was made up of 10 people, excluding myself, 7 white, 3 Asian females, 2 of the whites were EUs, a young Spanish guy so obviously quite cool at a distance and the other was a Hungarian woman, neither of them seemed to get into socialising so I missed my chance to make some friends there, though I doubt we had anything in common. The Asians were all normie, one was turbo normie, she worked here previously and during break it killed me to hear her and others being friendly. Couple of the others were a bit older.
There was however one guy who wore a neckbeard (by choice, a style thing), during his self introduction he said that he was a “gamer” and played DUNGEONS & DRAGONS, it’s like destiny but alas he was sniped, during break someone else was first to speask to him and it was about DnD no less. Can’t be too mad as I didn’t have the energy or confidence to speak to him anyway.
I spent the first break watching daytime TV in the break area though it seemed I was the only one trying to watch, the others were talking amongst themselves, it was triggering. I sat in front of the TV but it was an awkward position considering where others were (I sat too close). Lunch break was spent eating in the break room (others went out to eat), lunch was an hour though and eating took a few minutes so I spent the rest of the time in a bookstore. During the second break I just played my 3DS.
When leaving for the day, I headed to the bathroom first but the DnD guy gave me a prod and asked if I was a Pokémon Moon or Sun player (I said I spent my free time watching amime & playing Pokemon, updating my blog too so I wouldn’t sound like a complete loser) and flashed his 3DS, I smiled, maybe stuck a thumbs up and for some reason said “Sun” when it was “Moon” I played. Also probably fucked up the question, it was possibly rhetorical.
Anxiety really was bad, I had the shakes, I was terrified most of the time.
Cancelled my dentist appointment.
Got my tablet back.