Today was about as eventful as my life can possibly get with regards to social interaction, not that I enjoyed it but the day started off on a severely sour note, my cold hadn’t cleared up and I forgot to apply my hyper pigmentation cream, there was also my lack of clean clothes but that didn’t bother me so much. Before setting off for work work however, I did manage to shave, cut my nails, shower and eat a handful of peanuts. Lunch is the same as usual, Activia yogurt and a banana.

At work, we were back to training, watching PowerPoint’s and today we set up filters for our email inboxes. This was awkward for me a I was unable to access my email via the Outlook problem so I accessed it through the web browser instead, this proved to be an issue as it turnhed out it limited what I could do, I couldn’t set up a signature. I felt it was too late to bring up my problem so just messed about a little, I think my trainer was aware, she often looks over at our computer screens, if she had called me up on it, I’d have quit, would have made me feel really uncomfortable.

Oh and my usual computer wasn’t working so I had to use the one directly in front of the trainer. Not that uncomfortable as the monitor hides whatever’s in front of me.

Saw my sex-offender friend/bully from high school during my lunch break, he was on his phone near the shopping area, he was wearing a suit and smiling, trying to avoid looking at me. I guess he might have been telling the truth about owning several car rental businesses but that wouldn’t explain why he was on the train the other day instead of driving. It does infuriate me that he is potentially doing OK, he’s absolute scum and doesn’t deserve it, I know he’s still a rotten person based on WhatsApp conversations we had last year. Might as well throw in that he’s an inbred cunt, him and his siblings all look identical and he was arranged to marry his cousin back in high school.

During my second break I noticed a woman wearing burgundy Van’s shoes, I’ve been plotting to buy new trainers for a while and it had been those in burgundy that I’d been looking at, Van’s would have been the easy pic but my current shoes are black Van’s (sister bought then for my birthday), the appeal of the design is that it’s unisex. Since it’s out I’ll probably go for either burgundy Airwalks (£20) or Firetrap (£35).

This was the point my streak of social interactions began, after second break my training group was set to shadow customer support agents again. I got a guy, he was black but that’s not relevant, he was much nicer and more helpful than the previous lot, too helpful even, we spoke a lot between calls, genuinely useful information, I asked questions but he also asked me questions, personal questions such as my background (uni, what I’ve been doing the last few years, living with parents), I felt comfortable, think I laughed, there was a bit of banter but I didn’t like the thread he jumped on regarding why I wanted to work here and not in accounting, I considered bringing up my mental health. He said I looked younger than 25 (thanks to the E), boosted the ol’ self-esteem.

While shadowing, I was approached by a guy who touched my coat, he said he noticed it and couldn’t help himself, I accepted the compliment. He was nice, later he asked me if I wanted to stay after 5pm, I declined, didn’t completely understand he was asking if I wanted overtime, he clarified and asked again, I took him up on it though I didn’t really want to, not sure why I agreed. He called me a legend, hollow, but pleasant to hear. I was at that point the only one to accept overtime. I missed a conversation beat with him and the other guy when they were taking about my coat, he said that it wouldnt fit him, I wanted to say it didn’t fit me back when my mum bought it for me 3+ years ago and mention my weight loss. The problem is I’d sound lame admitting mummy buys me clothes. I thought of a good line later though “I’m not saying my mum buys my clothes but she did buy me this and…”, turn it into a joke, right?

Turnbed out one other person was doing overtime, the woman I spent most of last week sitting next to, she was as chatty and friendly as ever. I appreciate it but it still causes me anxiety since I’m not learning how to carry a conversation or even reply properly, though I think I ape normie lines 1/10 times successfully but I struggle to believe normies enjoy small talk. One shot that threw me was when she told me she tore her tights iin three places, dunno what to say about that, just asked if they were expensive. She likes Paramore, I think they’re fake but I like ” Aint it Fun”, didnt say any of this though.

The overtime guy asked if I wanted to go home 2 hours into my 3 hours of overtime, I said yes, it was because there weren’t many calls coming in but I felt I’d done something wrong, maybe because I went to the bathroom a few minutes after my break ended. During overtime I also had an exchange with the guy who tried to help me a few days ago when I was mumbling and stumbling, he asked if I liked Ed Sheeran and on my way out asked my name, I asked his but he got a call that exact moment, I said something to myself.

Wondering how I’m coming across to other people.

I should talk to other people who seem lonely.


8 thoughts on “Twins?

  1. Sounds like you’re doing well Poley, keep it up. And whatever you do don’t just quit because of one bad social interaction like you hinted at above. It seems you can in general deal with good and bad ones now reasonably well so it would be stupid to quit over just one.


    • All my social interactions are bad in the sense they make me feel uncomfortable during and upset/angry afterwards

      It doesn’t really matter if I respond properly since I don’t feel anything from it and I don’t think I still come across as normie even then


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