I keep fucking up at work and I’m now making the matter worse by not reporting my errors, I feel so worthless asking for help with regular occurring issues, doing so when it’s absolutely my fault and in a way no one else employed there ever has or will, is just too much too take, I’d feel even lower and I don’t know if that’s even possible so I can’t risk it.
The start of the day was stressful, I was on 12-8 shifts this week, so getting in late makes it more difficult to find a working PC and free headset, it makes me very self conscious approaching PCs, learning they’re in use but the person is on break or setting up at one and then learning it has some fault. Then there’s scavenging around for a headset. So what eventually happened today was that I sat on a table a significant distance away from the bulk of the customer service team, that’s a group of 20 people, they were all huddled together and I was outside in the cold, sure there were people on my table, they’re fine people but I felt slighted that I was cast out from the main “table” so I wasn’t a real part of the team. Looking across at that group of people really made me hate them, many of them have a computer they always sit at and for some reason they’re always able to sit there, the others maybe shift around a spot or two and then there’s this new(?) cow who stole the computer I was sitting at last week, I don’t understand why it was mine and not someone elses. Again, felt like I was outside looking in. At first I thought it would be an idea to get in early and “steal” someone elses seat and then every day move over and take another persons, make them all feel the range of emotions I fell but then I thought that it wasn’t worth the aggro, I’m not wanted so I’ll just leave, I’ll continue sitting far away from them all, in my corner.
I should mention, I did sit directly next to someone, a new guy, I helped him out a little. Felt good.
The tranny sat at the big boy table even though they arrived later than me, my fault for not checking it. I heard them speak in the break room,obviously male voice, not even trying, I don’t get it, she was quite social though, they spoke to a couple of people but just about calls they took, their confidence was off-putting. I’m guessing ftm trans now, post HRT, pre-breast removal. Either that or the laziest mtf ever, clearly has breasts and facial hair.
I just want to be fired.
BT wrongly sent me a NOW TV box even though I cancelled my order. VS System cards arrived too.
My new bank card arrived.
Mum is cellotaping newspaper and a pillow case to the door window into the garden in our living room, she’s paranoid people are spying on her, she sticking stuff to the window because I tore down the curtain and called her out on being an uncivilized paki. It’s a small window that looks into the garden, literally only those living opposite could see through it and even then they’d have to be on the top floor.
Saw an east Asian non-native English speaker with a blonde white American girl, Elliot would be rolling in his grave, saw a paki with a Chinese gf too.