At least I got some exercise

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I spent two hours walking in the blazing sun today, I need to get to a branch of the bank I tried registering with, they’re struggling to find my details, possibly because I omitted my middle name. It was further than I anticipated so gave up, I’ll try a different one of my next weekday off work.

I ate poorly but not too bad, might go out for an Easter egg though and push myself over the edge.

My credit score went down, seemingly because I am actually using credit now.

I spent the remainder of the day at home, played some Hearthstone, watched the football on BBC and that’s about it, didn’t even play any PS4.

Dreading my errors at work being discovered.

A comment on here about choosing to transition upset my greatly, it appears I may not be prepared for the tough road ahead.

6 thoughts on “At least I got some exercise”

  1. P4e got your square on the chin with his comment in the previous entry. He was extremely blunt, but I see the point he’s trying to make

    I don’t think you realize how normal you are. Your struggles, your dislocation, your quest for identity, have been felt by many other people before you. Not exactly the same (you are unique) but similar enough to say you’re not alone, others have walked this path before you

    But this gender morphing thing, it’s desecrating your body in horrific and permanent ways. It’s a transgression of fundamental social norms. Once the ‘transition’ is complete, you shouldn’t expect to be accepted by mainstream society (or by anyone really, other than fringe dwelling sub cultures of engaging in similar self destructive perversions

    You can change direction Poley. It’s as simple as deciding on a title for the next story arc

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    • I understand what you’re saying, I have two concerns, the first is my fertility, if I’m already sterile and irreversibly so then there is no going back. I’ll ask the GP next week.

      If I do stop transitioning, maybe even starting TRT then the issue of my body dysmorphia reemerges, I don’t want to be hairy, I don’t want a beard, I don’t want to be big/bulky or gain weight on my tummy area

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      • Its just a flesh-coated skeleton Poley. A temporary vehicle of convenience. Look after it. But don’t obsess over outward appearance. Focus on the big picture stuff. This is what you’re best at

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      • You’re splitting again. Let me translate your words back to you:

        1. “If I can’t have children, I might as well become a monster.”

        2. “I don’t like being hairy and fat, so I need to become a monster.”

        Let’s add

        3. “If I’m not happy with my life, I’m going to kill myself.”

        If your dad abused you, he should have hit you harder, because this is the logic of a 10 year old who wants everything and will throw a tantrum if its not immediately granted.

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