Time for change

Work was fine, I sat next to one of those girls from my training group who I’ve never spoken to before, she is a chatty person, I tried to respond in normie fashion, I actually enjoyed one of the topics (criticising a coworker), I didn’t know how to respond about the other general work stuff. Some comics from Free Comic Book Day were left in the break room, I had a browse, nothing good.

I sent an email expressing my interest in electrolysis, I feel I need to try something else as I’m not seeing much change in particular areas, it’ll be expensive and slow but it’d be well worth it if it works, it’s around £150 for an hour a week, I can afford it with a job but to make it easier I’m going to get a credit card that charges 0% interest for a couple of years.

At home my mum again stressed that I was mentally unwell and asked if she booked an appointment would I attend. I snapped at her, swore repeatedly, it was offensive that she was accusing me of being sick just because she doesn’t like what I say, it’s her with the problem so it’s her who needs to get help.

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2 thoughts on “Time for change

  1. Do you think you have mental health issues (anxiety, depression, etc), and if so – do you believe your gender dysphoria has caused your mental health issues or are you mental health issues due to your gender dysphoria?

    I believe it’s the latter (i.e. your gender dysphoria being a symptom of a fractured ego identity).

    Most people learn who and their relationship to the world from their mother and father but you rejected them both as role models a long time ago. Consequently you don’t know how to be poleaboo or understand poleaboo’s place in the world.

    Most people (like all the faceless paki drones you see each day and describe in your blog) are just imprints of their parents principles and cultural values. Just another link in a very long, undifferentiated and unremarkable chain.

    You are unique and have the opportunity to be you own person (very very few people are).

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    • I think my current issues definitely stem from my dysphoria, not being who I believe I am has affected how I can interact with the world and that solitude etc has led to depression and rage against the world and people who can function normally.

      Although from the first day I was at primary school, I had social anxiety and wondered the playground alone.

      You’re right about the common paki and thanks for acknowledging I’m special.

      Like

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