And there goes all that supposed good will I built up

It was raining again, today though I dressed appropriately, I have a wide selection of coats thanks to my parents, my mother has bought me dull, functional ones that I like and my father has bought me a bunch of gaudy paki ones that really aren’t me but I may wear once or twice. Travelling to work I had to stand, the young paki female in front of me was looking at a video featuring an imam and a Pakistani flag.

Work was fine, I was able to talk to a few people, the girl to the left of me asked for help again, the chatty guy to the right was easy to communicate with, I think I may have even initiated once, he said goodbye to me which was nice. Another colleague used my name, like it but they know people like it when you use their names, that’s why they do it.

Had a chance to talk to the trans person during lunch, they sat near me this time, this time it wasn’t the lack of guts but rather I thought my conversation starter was weak, I can’t imagine anything better coming to me soon. In a nice little twist of fate however, we did end up talking to each other later in the day, she was askingthee chatty guy for some help, I butted in as I thought I could help and I was comfortable around the chatty guy (I need to assess why this is), it turned out I had some insight but not enough, I ended up mumbling to myself as he was called away, while talking, she seemed to be smiling at first, which was nice to see, has bad skin though but I think that of everyone once I get a close look at them. Might be easier to talk in the future, I overall felt bad about myself when it was over.

Big event of the day was my manager calling me into a room along with another manager who took notes, at first I was worried as I could see emails printed out but it turns out it was just a customer from yesterday that I hung up on, we spoke about the call, I was at fault, they listened to the call so I didn’t have much wiggle room but they were cool with it, said my stats and quality were great and to just follow correct procedure in the future. No official warning though it was noted this was a firing offence, bit insulted when one of my other positive quality brought up was that I’m good at following instructions. Lucky escape considering how my last few encounters in those types of situations have gone, I’m not feeling relieved, I can see the benefits of being fired.

Some awkward eye contact with coworkers. Bought lunch outside, a sandwich instead of eating my packed lunch in the break room as it was too busy for me to feel at ease. I tried shopping again but couldn’t find any tops I liked.

Still taking magnesium, maybe I do feel calmer but I’ve also been a bit quick to anger recently too.


4 thoughts on “And there goes all that supposed good will I built up

  1. Nothing wrong with feeling random bursts of rage. In fact it’s a very good thing.

    Consider: you have a maelstrom of negative energy swirling around your mind

    You can deal with all this negative energy by squashing it into a little ball and burying it deep inside yourself. When you do this you suffer anxiety and depression as the energy simmers and seeps out

    Altrrnatively, you can transform that negative energy into a projectile and fling it in the face of some random cunt. This is far healthier and more honest approach because you are acknowledging your feelings and externalising the impact on the world at large

    I’m not suggesting you be a prick to everyone (maintain a protective cocoon by shielding your family and immediate work colleagues from your darker side). I’m not suggesting you be a psychopath (acts of aggression can be symbolic and low key)

    That time you shoulder barged the old lady? That was good. Dishing out come-uppance to the seat cuck and Aberdeen Brad? Also good.


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