I’m a fraud

The start of the day got off to a brilliant start, I asked the quirky guy for help with the thing at work I didn’t know how to do. He initially got up and walked out of the room with me following behind speaking to his back, I then sat down at my desk thinking he declined me. He later returned, approached me and showed me what I needed to know, he emailed me some notes and asked for me name, guess we’re even for the time I forgot his name. There another guy in the company, a director, with the same name and I joked that I was me in response to him asking for me to confirm my surname, he responded well, pretending to be annoyed, I think.

I’m pretty sure I’m fucking up massively at work, there has to be a reason I’m responding to so many more emails than almost everyone else. I got praised by a woman I assume is management, she gave me 50 raffle tickets for exceeding my email targets. I was modest. Could win some cool stuff but I’d rather avoid the attention the situation would bring.

At the end of the day, the little guy who dresses smart walked with me, we talked, he asked about my plans for the weekend, I tried to be vague but I eventually admitted I’m going to play Digimon “like a manchild”, he was cool about it, speaks well, asked what snacks/fuel I’m going to have, I said I find junk food disgusting, mentioned not liking Mountain Dew, he said he lived in America for a year, shared an anicdote, I didn’t have a response. He spoke about Mass Effect being disappointing, I joked about playing it again on a higher difficulty or new skin, my tone must have been off, didn’t realise it was a joke. He’s from Blackpool, this part of the conversation flowed well, I said that must be a fun place to live, brought up my time working in an amusement park. Then things got weird, he said he needs to run to catch his train and I can run with him, it was a joke but I didn’t get it so I ran alongside him for a few second, while running I asked him the time and then I stopped running and shouted that I’d just walk. So moronic of me to run alongside him like a child.

Had cereal for breakfast, tuna baguette for lunch and rice for dinner. There was a bottle of Lucozade too.

Need to remove some body hair again.

Played Digimon for a couple of hours.

I arranged to pick up my repeat prescription of antidepressants with a pharmacy.

Buying clothes and more drugs tomorrow. Getting closer to telling my family I’m trans.

I think I’m a solid B cup.


9 thoughts on “I’m a fraud

  1. Idk why you think I was being insulting in my previous post? Because I referred to you as a gender queer and a homosexual? Perhaps you thought I was being faecitious

    I don’t think any of this is going to make you happy in the long run (far from It), but hey if it brings you a moment of respite I say go for it


  2. Unrelated to this post, why do so many Pakis drive shitty old BMW 3 series/Mercedes C Class/Audi A4s?

    How are your driving lessons going? What car do you think you’ll get once you pass your test?


    • Pakis think car makes are a status symbol, a cooler, newer, better car ain’t worth shit if the paki doesn’t know the brand

      I stopped my driving lessons back in November when I was arrested, I was at the point where I was doing mock tests. I don’t even like cars, they’re all the same to me


  3. I once worked for a company that would collect and sell lists of people in a certain industry (let’s say they were medical suppliers or those types). I was working on the phonebank “verifying” that the list of key personnel at these companies were still current. I did it legit for awhile until I looked around and saw a ton of people who were all 20 years older than me and a billion times more fucked up. At that point my stats went through the roof and I used the reference to find a better job. Draw from this what you will, but you got this job by fucking the system and you can get a better one doing the same if you’re smart about it.

    > There another guy in the company, a director, with the same name and I joked that I was me in response to him asking for me to confirm my surname, he responded well, pretending to be annoyed, I think.

    This is close to the most autistic thing I’ve read today tbh


    • How is it autistic? It’s a good normie joke

      The problem is I don’t know what a better job is, my current job seems a fair mix of challenging and relaxing, I can’t imagine a better job I’m suitable for. This job feels like my world right now, all I can think about is doing this job well, looking outward would take a lot of energy, finding jobs isn’t easy or quick


    • Twice
      Once when my Chinese roommates mother offered to cook for me, I accepted, she made pork and rice, I ate it to be polite

      Second time was when my roommates ordered pizza, we were paying for it evenly so I was gonna have some of the Hawaiian even if it was yuck


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