Didn’t see that one coming

I had counselling today.

He made observations similar to people who commented here, he said that I may be transitioning because I hate my father and want to be less like him. He pointed out how I consider myself inferior to everyone but also superior because I wish demise to others, he didn’t call me a narcissist through.

About half an hour into the session, I said counselling wasn’t working, my problems are minor, I just need to get on with it and I wanted to stop. He countered by saying that he thought I had real serious problems and he wanted to consultant with a psychiatrist or something, I’m a candidate for long term psych (or something like that). I think he just said that to manipulate me.

After this we also went back to speaking about gender, again I think to appease me since he was more interested in my communication skills.

During the last 5 minutes, we spoke about religion being stupid, spineless paki women and my mother. How life would have been different if mum left dad. This was when I started crying heavily, I thought back to when I was 3 years old, it was just me and her, she worked, she was happy, we spent all day together, she was my only friend.

I cried uncontrollably like a baby, I can’t remember the last time I cried like that. I then asked to end the session.


5 thoughts on “Didn’t see that one coming

  1. Sounds like a breakthrough.

    Persevere. This guy is peeling away your hardened layers. It’s OK to feel vulnerable and exposed, but don’t shy away from the uncomfortable truths he’s going to show you.


  2. What work do your family do now? What jobs do they all have?

    How does your dad work if he can’t speak English? Do your family claim bennies/tax credits?


    • My sister and my brother are employed
      My dad is a taxi driver, most of them around here can’t speak English

      My siblings are too old for my parents to claim bennies now


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