No point in trying if no one else is

At work I was assigned emails again, one of the queries has gotten messsy, 25 replies in the chain, she’s going to call up and complain, I know it. My coach picked me up on two errors and asked how I’m getting on with emails again, she seemed disinterested and disgusted by me. The emails lady wasn’t too enthusiastic about recruiting me today either.

Successfully skipped lunch but I ate a lot of spag bol at home, plus a few biscuits. Watched Ackley Bridge, not a fan of this unrealistic pro-paki propaganda.

A coworker I once spoke to around a month ago, guy who called me a “brother in arms”, bumped into me on the train station, tried speaking for a while, a little bit about work, a little bit about the trains and then he triggered me by asking me where I’m from, a question I had already answered the first time we spoke. He didn’t remember it, despite me remembering it in vivid detail. This seems to happen often, I just pretend this is the first time being asked. He was tall, made me uncomfortable. He can fuck off though, he was just being polite by acknowledging me, I don’t care, I don’t want to speak to him ever again. Fast to go on his phone too, a not so subtle signal to tell me we’re no longer interacting.

Quirky guy is still giving me funny looks. Not sure if I’ve offended him or that I’m just a vile curious creature that people are compelled to stare at.

The only good interaction from today was when a guy from planning tried to recruit me for overtime, I declined but those guys are always up for an exchange. There was maybe one other, DnD guy asked to to call someone back as he wasn’t trained on the particular system, I accepted though I expressed my lack of confidence, he asked if he could watch, I don’t know if he was joking but I said “no” firmly. He then later said he could ask someone else if I didn’t want to do it. I ended up doing it but I might have come across rude, I felt appreciated to be asked to do something.

I’m feeling very easily agitated as of late, I don’t know why and I don’t know how to make it better.


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