I am scum

My counselling session was mostly uneventful, I don’t care about social interaction, I give up on it, but my counsellor insists on talking nothing else, I hate continuing to talk about it because there’s no solution beyond acknowledging I’m at fault for not engaging others.

I went on a short tirade about it being unfair a “short, ugly coworker who wears a suit” has made a friend but I haven’t. My counsellor pointed out that he was probably aware of his flaws and wore a suit to boost his self esteem.

This hit me hard, I’m a terrible person and I don’t know what to do with this new level of self-loathing. I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve anything, I am inferior to the one I was looking down on. So now that I know for certain that I’m scum, how can I function knowing rather than feeling that I’m inferior to everyone else in the room.

Played Final Fantasy 15, I like it.

Watched GLOW with my sister, I like it too.



2 thoughts on “I am scum

  1. You are angry and depressed because you are frustrated

    You are angry and frustrated because you are not being accepted into the community of your colleagues and peers

    You are not being accepted into the community of your oolleagues and peers because you are socially awkward and standoffish

    You are awkward and standoffish with your colleagues and peers because you have low self-respect
    and view yourself as an outsider

    You lack self-respect and see yourself as an outsider because you are in the midst of a full blown identity crisis

    You know my thoughts about the origins of your identity crisis

    If you want to be happy, and accepted by your peers, and enjoy a level of self-respect and sense of belonging – you must solve your identity crisis.

    You are attempting to construct a new identity by taking female hormone supplements, shaving your legs, and wearing tournaments sisters jeans.

    I see only suffering for you at the end of this path. But maybe I’m wrong. In any case, your present circumstances are untenable. Time for action brother.


    • My counsellor literally said pretty much the same thing except he didn’t accept the identity crisis, he thought this was a cycle

      So being lonely causes my self loathing and that results in me not engaging others which eventually leads to me being lonely again

      The guy is really not interested in the identity stuff, not paki or trans, I guess he figures he already solved it with his earlier theory

      I am 100% going to present as female at my trial, hopefully that’ll kickstart something


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