Laser day, yay!…oh wait

Today was my 4th appointment at the laser place, I’m in the process of having my facial hair removed. It’s gone alright so far, upper lip is mostly clear, might seem strange but it’s just because it’s one of the lighter skinned parts of my face, lost a bit of the cheeks but that’s it. They’re using very low settings because they’re afraid of burning me like they did during the first patch test.

Travel was fine, downloaded some music (Marilyn Manson, Tech N9ne, Jay-Z and Skillet, not into music but I thought I might like this lot based on a single I’d heard from each of them), would make a change from just looking out of the window and fantasising, ended up just listening to the songs I already knew I liked. School, uni, sixth form, all of that was back in session and the young women were certainly triggering my dysphoria.

It was incredibly windy today and my hair was a mess by the time I entered the building, the technician on duty today was one of the older, more experiences women, glad to see this. I had initially planned to ask them to increase the settings of the laser but I didn’t have to, she asked about reduction and if I thought I could handle the pain, I confirmed in a heart beat, I want progress. Popped one paracetamol before I arrived but it clearly wasn’t enough, at its worst, I cannot imagine a more painful experience than laser, the scary thing is that this still isn’t even the highest setting. Had to take a few breaks (during the process of hitting the area under my chin/above my neck and my eyes watered when we finished up with my upper lip), she often commented on how dark my skin was in areas, it is a legitimate issue but it felt insulting, just the way she said it I suppose.

Something that got me stressed out to an unhealthy level though is hearing that parts of my facial skin have become darker due to shaving (for so long?). This is hyperpigmentation and not uncommon in darker skinned people and the solution sounds vein but it’s completely normal – skin lightening cream. Yeah, hate that it’s something pakis use just because but I have a legitimate reason to use it and I don’t want lighter skin, I just want to even out my skin and return certain areas back to their original shade. I believe it’s the area beneath my chin and above my neck that’s most effected. Bought the fanciest cream I could find, £50. Might also buy some lemon juice. Hydroquinone is banned in Europe but easy enough to get a hold of (UnitedPharmacies), I’ll have to try that if the safe/clean options fail me.

Technician was friendly, all the women here are but I was made uncomfortable when asked about my employment status, lied about being an Accounts Assistant and that I get Thursdays/Fridays off, probably knows I’m lying. Next appointment, 4 weeks from now, as usual.

Once I got back home, I had around 7 hours left before I would go to sleep, I ate within my limits which I consider commendable due to all that time with nothing to do other than research the condition afflicting my skin, play a little Hearthstone and shitpost.

Read cape comics near the end of the day but I’m still not enjoying anything.

Irish poster on /britfeel/ was nice to me, that was nice.