A boy talked to me (It’s a joke, I know you’re reading)

When I got into work the quirky guy asked if I had applied for the full time emails job, I said I didn’t, he asked if it was because I thought I wouldn’t get it, the truth being I didn’t care much and another interview would be too stressful. Instead I just said I didn’t plan on being here that long, it’s true, I want to move on, it would be too pathetic to stick around, seems like a kids job. Plus I hate the lack of information provided and that there’s no incentives for taking more calls. I kinda want to believe the emails deadline was extended because I wasn’t in yesterday.

Once I logged on I saw a notification that the deadline for the emails job had been extended to tonight. I kinda wanted to apply but I probably wouldn’t get it and a CV and speaking to my manager would be too much. I imagine my CV would be laughed at.

Checked online for vacancies at Poundland, there were none here.

Might buy DNP again.

The quirky guy spoke to me during a break, he asked what my plan was since I suggested leaving, I mentioned 4chan and Poundland. He then asked about uni, I told him where I went and what I studied. He is apparantly quite bright, studied Maths at a good uni, went to an all boys grammar school and he’s 27 so it’s ok for me to feel inferior to a senpai. Asked if i watched Game of Thrones, I was unclear, I just haven’t seen the latest season, he gave leaked spoilers, showed me a dead dragon and kept shushing me because apparently someone will kill him for dishing out spoilers. I just said it’d be funny. Also repeated a conversation about World of Warcraft. I wonder how I pry into mutual interests? I think he reads my blog.

At the conversations end I was feeling confident so I randomly commented on a coworker eating cereal.

At home I set the PS4 up in another room with another TV. Played Person 5 for about 2 hours.

Cry, piggy

Despite not having work today I spent most of the day feeling angry at the cretins from work, the revenge fantasies were plentiful, most just involved me finding a way to call the slags who error’d me, fat. They would then burst into tears. They really are very round, so I should try to just find solace in the face they weep at the thought of themselves every moment of every day.

Played Persona for 6 hours plus another 4 from last night, stayed up until 4am. It’s a great game but it still feels like a chore because I don’t want to miss anything.

While playing, my sister advised I should go to the gym or take driving lessons again instead of wasting my life playing vidya. I was angry that she felt I was doing something wrong by spending my little free time in the most relaxing way possible. She said I’d forget to speak to people at this rate, I told her I never knew how. Mum pestered me about that line the rest of the day, asked how she could help. I said she couldn’t, I didn’t care, it was too late and that I give up. Told her about my final counselling session too. This all clearly upset her.

Pre-ordered Sonic Forces.

My other sister was cruel again, I was somewhat cruel back, I threw a chip at her head. I didn’t like how they’d all formed a clique and were excluding me, just as they had done since birth.

Vermin need to be exterminated

Today the new seating arrangements took place at work everyone had to sit with their teams. I got in early and chose a spot that I thought would give me some space, on the edge of the bay. Some cool kids ended up sitting next to me, despite me, a relatively attractive blonde (key word is relatively), the giant who forgot the first conversion we had and the quirky guy. 

I’m back on the phones and it’s getting stressful, not enough information is being given, things have been screwed up and I’m taking crap for it from the customers because I don’t know what’s going on and I can’t do anything to help them. One call stressed me to the point where I stood up and stabbed my hand with a pen. Didn’t draw blood but there is a dark red spot that still hurts when I touch it.

I’m hating more and more people at work, the blonde is a hyper normie, the tall guy is a cuck, friendly with the quirky guy and they both have pleb taste in vidya, they were discussing the Elder Scrolls series. No one spoke to me except the quirky guy who asked me at the start of the day if I was on emails and then the blonde at the end of the day asked for help but I didn’t answer as I was on a call. I tried helping earlier but she ignored me.

The only person I like right now apart from my manager is the little guy, he sat next to me and chatted a little. I asked him about his holiday and mentioned the game he talked about during our last conversation. He sat close to me but I couldn’t start new conversation threads, I need to learn how to pry into personal interests and hobbies.

The chatty guy spoke to me too, he’s nice but I can’t get over how he error logged me.

Another bitch error logged me today, fortunately I avoided doing her once 3 weeks ago, so I’m going to check the archives and bring it back up. Still can’t understand the mentality behind error logging people, there’s no reward in it. I begun reporting errors today because fuck it, it gets me mad, so it’ll probably get others mad too, seems like that’s the better form of trolling, annoying people on both fronts.

Going to stay up through the night to play Persona 5.

Told my mum about the abuse I experienced at various mosques in Rochdale when I was a kid. Her initial response was to call me a liar but I think she accepted it at the end.

Ate poorly.

Shouldn’t have quit

Just went to work and did emails. It’s becoming quite stressful, might be because I stopped the antidepressants. Might buy benzos.

I sat on an entire computer bay by myself. Three people I had short interactions with sat together. Trans person sat by themselves too. I enjoyed the quietness but not when I thought about how everyone around me seemed to be happier to be here.

I played Persona 5 at home but got frustrated when I died in the same spot twice.

At home my aunt and cousin visited, they were coming back from some kind of mosque dating thing. People sign up to attend, they bring a parent, go to the mosque and a preacher arranges meetings and group sessions were questions can be asked to prospective partners. They’re very uncivilized questions such as “can the woman still work?”, ” will you wear a headscarf?”, “do you pray 5 times a day?” etc.

I displayed my disgust proudly.

My sister is in the early stages of forming a relationship with a man of a different race, she wants to know how her parents will feel.

Hit rank 10 on Hearthstone.

Saw my reflection in the mirror, I wanted to kill myself. I thought about it for a long time today. Slitting my wrists is the way to go and I can’t imagine wasting time at a GP again.

A boy hugged me! :) (well kinda)

I’m working this weekend, while waiting at the train station a guy from work spotted me, we only ever had a few short interactions at work over several months so I was glad he acknowledged me by pointing towards me, I approached and noticed he was carrying luggage. I saw him around a few times before but he always darted off. He asked if I was off to work and I replied I was then I said I didn’t realise he was from around here, turns out he isn’t just living with relatives for a bit. He’s from “Denton”, I wrongly assumed this was down south and said now he mentioned it he doesn’t sound like he’s from around here. Turns out it’s in the Greater Manchester region.

I then asked about the bag and he said he was going on holiday for two weeks and gave me a half hug, it’s was kinda random but he’s a warm person, calls people “friend” often. I regret not wearing deodorant and not brushing my teeth. On the train we only spoke a little more, he’s holidaying in the south of England (Harrogate and Southampton), he said something a little quirky but I didn’t know how to respond to any of it. The chat probably lasted less than a minute. We both then went to playing games on our phones. Once the train doors openned again he dashed off the train with his luggage through the ticket gates, weird that he’d be late for his train since I got the feeling prior to that that he was on schedule due to the time of the initial train he caught. I think he’s just quirky.

At work I was assigned a special task with two others, calling customers. I fucked up and the first 25 I calls by calling up people on someone elses list, I covered this up by just copying and pasting results onto the spreadsheet. It ultimately didn’t matter because of poor results over our combined 350+ calls. I took calls for a bit, then emails. Think I fucked up an email too, going to have to ask someone about it tomorrow.

When I got home, no one was in so I called my mum. She was visiting her mother but got back in 10 minutes to open the door for me. Not a bad wait since I could play Hearthstone using my own Wi-Fi from outside.

Ate poorly.

Angry to learn a somewhat muscular guy who is the same height as me at work only weighs a little over 11 stone and used to be around 9.

Backstabbing normie gits

I had my first quality assessment in over a month, 3 people had error logged me, the friendly chatty bastard who spoke to me occasionally when I started, the smiling friendly guy who trained me on emails and the bitch who I shoulder tapped yesterday. All of them non-white or female, pretty sure one of my previous errors was also logged my a paki female co-worker. I can’t help but hate these people now, I can’t understand what goes through their mind when they decide to waste their time on grassing me up. I think it’s funny that my fuck up made their calls so difficult, they were so annoyed they lashed out in the only way they could. Pathetic creatures. In the 6+ months I’ve worked here I’ve never error logged anyone.

Played plenty of Hearthstone, it’s an OK meta when not running into Jade Druid. Bought around 50 packs of the new expansion, pulled 6 legendary cards. I’m playing Evolution Shaman right now.

Spoke a little with the quirky Final Fantasy guy, said platinum wasn’t an achievement, got in in 3 weeks, he refuted he got in 2. Practiced that line for a while, kinda worth it since it led to another short interaction when I was leaving for the day, it turns out I overestimated him, he doesn’t know Persona 5 or Atlus.

A male and female coworker engaged in edgy dirty talk even though he has a gf, I will never understand these social dynamics, what is the difference between banter and being just plain vulgar?

The loner, possible robot female is a turbo normie, possible lesbian (already suspected) and friends with the bitch who error logged me.

Still can’t talk to the trans person, I just stare like a freak. It shouldn’t be this difficult. They’d probably only disappoint anyway, pretty sure they’re a normie.

Ate badly again, it’s definitely a problem at this point.

My head is beginning to feel like a mess, I wish I was still taking the antidepressants.

Best game ever

Day off work, I played Persona for 10 hours, cleared the second palace.

Went out to buy Coke Zero.

My skin still hasn’t settled from laser, hoping that’s good.

My room is still a tip , cleaning would waste precious vidya time on my day off.

Ate like a pig, my dad insisted on buying my a chicken donner on naan in the afternoon. Watched a little Last Chance U with the meal.