Why is it so hard this time?

I finished Ratchet & Clank, fun stuff. One of the main characters goes to prison, I relate to that. The time went by much quicker than I expected, same thing happened when I played Hearthstone afterwards, I’m stuck at rank 2.

Ate below my calorie allowance for once.

The items on my to-do-list is increasing, now I need to restock on Bica, buy a bra, apply to a few more jobs and clear the PS Plus games I have. Possibly also claim there was a miscarriage of justice during my case. Need to find some time to catch the new Pokemon on Pokemon GO but it’s hard when I heaven’t left the house in a week.

My 4chan ban appeal was accepted, that’s new, of the countless appeals processes I’ve gone through, this is the only one to come out in my favour, I suppose it’s because they were the only ones willing to hear me out.

The plan for tomorrow:

  • 1pm – Wake up and shower
  • 2pm – Buy Bica
  • 3pm – Buy Bra
  • 4pm – Apply to jobs
  • 5pm – Go to ASDA and buy doughnuts or to Arizonas for a burger meal

Any time left over or inbetween will be used for Hearthstone or relaxing.


A heavy fog

I’ve started waking a little later, today it was 12:30pm but that was only because my mum called to ask what sandwich I’d like from Subway, I missed the call and she came back with a halal BLT (I think it’s turkey instead of bacon) and another one with nachos, she insisted I have half of hers.

Played Ratchet & Clank, remember talking about it being the free PS Plus game with quirky guy several months ago. It’s fun and short. Before getting caught up in it and later Hearthstone (hit rank 2), I planned on applying to some jobs but unfortunately it wasn’t to be, though it’s not a priority right now due already having a gig lined up.

I haven’t been out of the house in a while, almost been a week.

My father came into my room near midnight and asked me to search for new cookers since the old one is apparently broken. I refused then he said he just wanted me to give an estimate on price, he also asked me to check “Comet”, a store I’m sure stopped existing a decade ago. Just googled it on my phone, gave him a figure but then he wanted to look at the search results and wanted me to find the absolute cheapest one (typical paki, doesn’t understand there’s a difference between the cheapest model and the most expensive, that when you buy cheap, you buy twice). Also, he wanted a gas cooker, I will never understand the paki mentality. Sounded like he was going to send my sister out tomorrow to a physical store to buy one. I suspect my mother is the cause for the cookers apparent non-functioning, for a long time now she’s been leaving the hobs turned on for hours while she sits in the living room.

I’ll try to focus tomorrow.

Another gig

Early in the day I received a call from one of the jobs I applied to, it’s just a Xmas temp retail gig, got an “interview” next week but it’s as good as mine. Since I’ve now got a job sorted, I decided to pat myself on the back and take the rest of the day easy. Initially the plan was to post on 4chan but I got banned quickly again and it’s too much hassle going downstairs and resetting the router.

Instead, I played the various PSN games that have come as part of my PS Plus membership over the last year. Gave each of them around an hour or so, picked up a few trophies as proof I played them then I deleted them clearing them from a weight hanging in my mind.

My mum asked me a few times throughout the day what I’d been up to and I was evasive, didn’t know how to answer. Went downstairs to watch “The Apprentice” but spent the rest of the day upstairs.

Sick of “The Wicker Man”, find it hard to believe that happened after how much I adored it and what the song represented. My new jam is officially “Master of Puppets”.

Tomorrow will be different, I’ll apply to some real jobs and maybe even make some strides towards my “master plan”.

I’ll put trophy hunting on my CV

I was able to wake up just before noon and proceeded to spend the day playing PS Plus games I’d accumulated, picked up a few trophies in “Grand Kingdom” and “Knack” before discarding them. At night I spent 5 hours following a walkthrough to efficiently get the Platinum on Psycho-Pass, it’s just a VN, I had it sped up and watched/listened to YouTube videos while waiting for the game to stop at a decision.

Didn’t get around to applying for jobs, I’ll do it tomorrow.

My mum and I had a short talk, she tried to get me to go back to my old job. I let her know that in addition to my pride, I also felt underappreciated there so going back isn’t an option.

Finally watched “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”, I just thought it was a bit dull. The hate is unwarranted.

Another temporary success

For some reason I woke up after 3pm today, guess I’m still paying off my sleep debt. After eating cereal and lasagne, I checked my emails. Unsurprisingly I passed the assessment centre I attended last week, the pre-employment checks will begin soon and I’ll be knocked back again. Still, it’s something to be proud of so I decided to chill out for the rest of the day, my body/joints are in pain so no other activity seemed realistic.

Watching YouTube videos is worse than playing vidya so I’ll try to kick this habit now. Keep getting banned on 4chan, even on /r9k/, new janny is taking his role too seriously.

Didn’t apply to any jobs today, I’ll set a target of 5 for tomorrow. It’s disappointing that I haven’t heard back from the simple minimum wage ones I applied to, could be that I’m overqualified.

Started listening to more Metallica, I may prefer them to Iron Maiden, prefer the “heavier” sound.

Changed my bedsheets, can’t remember the last time.

I am not throwing away my shot

I woke up at around 4am, ate, showered and made myself presentable, it was the day of my big trip to London, instead of wearing my usual Converse trainers I put of a pair of Sketchers as I’d be doing a lot of walking/ My aunt and cousin invited themselves along since they’d never been to London before, they met me at my house and we drove to the City where we caught a coach to our destination. The journey between parking the car and arriving at the coach station was interesting as we were 3 women along in the early hours of the morning, there was a mild sense of danger.

Got some sleep on the coach, woke back up as we were approaching London, the outer area is terrifying, it looks worse than most paki ghettos with several shops featuring non-English on the signs and a clear minority of white people. Central London however, was far more beautiful, she sheer scale of it is nothing like the rest of the country, incomparable. We first went to Buckingham Palace, then the House of Parliament (the most impressive sight by far), unfortunately Big Ben is having reconstructive work done so apart from the clock face all that could be seen was a scaffolding. At the time of our visit there was a protest occuring, an anti-raism/anti-DFLA one, wasn’t sure what they were until I googled them. An old white man handed me his placard, can’t quite recall his words, think he suggested it was suitable for me. An east Asian looking woman later said that I didn’t want to be caught with it so placed it down.

Next up was the London Eye, the queues took around an hour. The views weren’t amazing but we got to see The Shard, it was underwhelming much like Buckingham Palace.

We arrived in London at roughly 11:30am and it was now 4:00pm, out next move was to eat. Found a Subway but it wasn’t halal and they were out of veggie patties and Itallian bread. Luckily there was an Indian place not too far away, got some wraps that were well priced and delicious, would have given it 5 stars online but it’s already scored well enough. Floundered our way to Trafalgar Square next, too late to enter the National Gallery. Found a McDonalds and got a few McFlurrys, thought I’d lost my cousin who went to the bathroom but there was just a long queue. At the square a couple of people asked me to take photos of them, it was amusing that one set asked right after the second. The first was a family a pakis, the next were two white female friends. I guess this reinforces my thought that I now appear to be a much more approachable person.

I was then escorted to the theatre to catch my performance of ‘Hamilton’ while my cousin and aunt found other activities to partake in. Once in the building I initially struggled to find where I was supposed to go and took a detour to the theatre bar, club shop and bathroom. At the shop I bought a programme, would have liked to have taken a longer look around but felt a little anxious. My seats were front row and directly centre. The area between row A of the stalls and the stage is very narrow so as I was walking to my seat, I knocked over a cup of beer that had been placed on the floor, the cup belonged to the man sitting next me. I was the drink as it empties out of the glass and soaks into the carpet, I then take my seat and begin to read my programme. The partner of the person who the drink belongs to speaks up and says to me “that was a full glass of beer you knocked over”, I didn’t require and thinking time to respond and simply state that it was just sitting in the middle of the floor and get back to reading, didn’t even look up for long as I thought nothing of it. Not prepared to let this go she then asks “are you going to tell someone then or just sit there?”, in a heartbeat I reply “I think I’m gonna just sit here”.

She then says “thought so” or some other cuck response, gets up to tell the staff but they obviously don’t care in the slightest since the guy gives the woman cash to buy another cup. While she’s away, staff arrive to dry up the mess and ask the guy if he got wet, he says “no”. I take the offered napkin out of the black ushers hand and say “my shoes got a little wet”. I proceed to dab the toes of my Sketchers before placing the napkin back into the hands of the usher. Slightly later I rest my arms on the arm rest, the guy sitting next to me makes an aggressive attempt to push me off and take over the armrests but I hold my ground and he never attempts this again throughout the show. I feel that whole interaction went perfectly, not sure what I could have done better though I was just slightly put off during the show.

All the songs in the performance were performed well but I thought the plot was hard to follow at times unless you were familiar with history. During the interval I checked my programme for a timeline of Alexander Hamiltons life in order to attempt to keep track. No particular song grabbed me as it wasn’t that kind of show, no dialogue – everything was “sung”.

The stage was high so I couldn’t see half the actors bodies when they moved to the back/middle of the stage or even the stage floor but it was really cool when they stood at the front/centre of the stage because they were standing directly in front of me, sometimes they’d even point. Those were cool and unique/special moments no one in the theatre apart from me got to experience.

Trip home sucked, took 7 hours, difficult to rest, felt sick. Walk back to the car fely uncomfortable as there was a guy who seemed to be following us.

A nice day away from my troubles. Heard a story about my uncle though, there was going to be a work outing, my uncle researched the restaurant and was excited but unfortunately the outing was cancelled.

Forgot my copy of the programme when I left the coach, not a big deal, it wasn’t very good anyway.


Paki Power

I slept well, felt mostly refreshed. This was always going to be a ‘filler’ day since I’m travelling to London tomorrow to attend a theatre show. However, this didn’t stop me from going to the library to print a postage label to send off some items to CEX, just old PS3 games, not worth much but worth even less to me. I’m getting £10.00 for them.

Now that my father is back he’s back to his usual shtick of coming in to my room and berating me, then just standing there while I ignore him. My mum brought home McDonalds again (fillet fish burger meal and a McFlurry). I finished watching the first Digimon Tri movie while eating the food and then I proceeded to spend the remainder of the day posting on 4chan until my second ban of the day, my focus then shifted to Hearthstone and YouTube videos.

Once video which struck a chord within me involved a Pakistani male essentially vlogging, after watching him, Khabib’s win at UFC 229 and interacting with the pakis at the job I have now left, I’m feeling warmer to the idea of a pan-paki cultural identity. There are a mixture of mild emotions, I felt a collective pride when Khabib won at UFC 229 even though I’m not a Muslim but the paki vlogging stated “it was cool when he went Alhumdulilah” and I liked hearing that, Khabib is his guy, he’s my guy, he’s our guy. We share a bond. He seems like a cool guy and so did the pakis at the call centre training group, I had fun with them, though I despise those whom I deem inferior or less intelligent, it’s comfortable being able to feel superior.

It might be too early to say I no longer hate pakis as a whole but I a can see the whole picture and I don’t do things by halves. If I accept pakis, then I’m going to go all out, the best part of that would be vindication, I would be able to go the route I want and have the backing of a billion just like Khabib. Maybe it’s just that I’m not thinking too deeply about it and ignoring their faults now, or maybe it’s just that the shine has come off white people a bit.

My back hurts, must be from sleeping improperly.

Got a beta code for the JUMP FORCE closed beta on PS4. I’m not heading to London tomorrow so won’t be able to make the most of it so enjoy.

gib away