Final Day of Rest

I woke up at 2:15pm. Ate 2 bowls of rice and 1 bowl of cereal. I then chose to WATCH “Batman: Enemy Within”, it’s technically a video game but it’s more like an interactive television show, I just put the controller down and then hit buttons when a decision needs to be made. I watched two episodes of the show, there are three remaining.

Between episodes I took a break to shower, had to wash my hair for my haircut tomorrow. Still haven’t researched it much, hoping the hairdresser will be able to read my mind.

My father wants me to buy him a mattress online. I refused, told him to go to a shop and buy one as the would have done with his previous mattress. He’s also desperate for me to get married. This was the point I was infuriated and told him to leave. Heard him arguing with my mother for the first time in months as he went into the hallway, they told each other to fuck off in paki language.

Started using Discord and talking to the /britfeel/ regulars there. It’s a nice alternative to the regular thread.


Back to Business…soon

Today was another write-off, I woke up at 2pm and played “Resident Evil 7”, I’ve finished the game now so that’s my vidya backlog erased. I can finally start looking forwards. The game was a pleasant surprise, I normally avoid games with a first person view but the high quality graphics and small environment made it more appealing for someone like myself. I said I’d kick vidya before but now it’s an easier goal to accomplish as I have nothing left to play.

My current diet has lasted 4 days, each day I have had 1 small bowl of cereal and 2 jacket potatoes (microwaved) with 1 can of tuna and 150g of coleslaw. Admittedly, I have had a little chocolate here and there but I’m sure I’m looking at under 1000 calories. It’s common knowledge that protein (tuna) and potatoes are filling.

A new virtual adventure

My plan for a haircut is still on, wash my hair on Sunday, get hair cut on Monday. Due to these plans, I have chosen to take it easy for a while, I don’t want to overwhelm or overexert myself before then. It might be difficult for some people to understand but this is a milestone for me. Even pre-transition, I feared going to the barbers because I didn’t know what to say, until I was around 16 years of age, my father would accompany me and tell the barber how to cut it (#1 or #2 all over). It would also be him who would decide when I needed my hair cut.

I was awoken early today, I approximate 10:30am, my father wanted me to swap his mobile phone number to his new SIM card. I told him to fuck off, he came back an hour later and I started making calls, finding information and completing the process, it took a while, perhaps 30 minutes. He was happy, though a recent call suggests he’s having issues with his data, I’m guessing he hasn’t turned the “mobile data” option on.

My cousin visited, he’s a student, turns out he’s sick, been sick for a while, sounds like a unique condition, it affects his spine. It’s upsetting to hear about but at least he has people to talk to.

I finished “Yakuza Kiwami 2”, overall the story was disappointing, not sure why I’ve played 4 of these games now. After it was over, I went out to buy another 4 pack of baking potatoes, along with two 1.25l bottles of Coke Zero Sugar. There’s nothing more on YouTube I can binge watch, my interests are too narrow, I’ve seen all that I know currently appeals to me.

My “Negan” poster arrived in the post along with a copy of “Resident Evil 7”, the poster was promptly put up above my television and the Spider-man poster it replaced was moved below my mirror. I started playing the new game at 11pm, it’s graphically pleasing and I’m enjoying it (one easy difficulty, with a collectables guide).

Yesterday was a big day, time to chill

I wasn’t “feeling it” today and woke up at 2pm, I then proceeded to accomplish nothing other than play “Yakuza Kiwami 2” for 8 hours, I’ll be finished with it tomorrow though. The only conversation I had with my mother was shortly after waking up, she criticised how late I woke up, I denied the accusation and said that this was just the first time today she was seeing me.

I’m still eating my own food, mummy doesn’t cook for me anymore. Ate the same meal as yesterday. Out of potatoes now, I’ll go to ASDA tomorrow, might even get some diet drink. Not sure about what other foods I can get, could take a quick look at frozen meals again but the vegetarian range is slim.

My father encountered me at the end of the day, in my bedroom. We spoke a little about his new phone contract, the sim arrived. I told him to fuck off and leave his phone so I can cancel the existing contract and get his PAC code tomorrow. He refused and said he’d come back tomorrow at 1pm with his phone. He eventually left. The door wasn’t fully closed so I loudly pushed it shut, this triggered my father he charged back in, it was impossible to get rid of him at this point, I repeatedly asked what he wanted but got nothing from him. As per usual, he then busted out the classics, telling me my hair is embarrassing, people outside ate laughing, I need a haircut, asking what happened with the interview I had last week. This one in particular infuriated me, if I got the job I would still be playing vidya past midnight. At this point I started up my PS4 again, put my headphones on and started playing Yakuza again.

The haircut is planned for Monday, can’t do it tomorrow since I need to wash my hair again and give it a day to dry.

A new experience

The rebirth is most certainly “on”, while I failed to get up in a timely manner, my alarm was set for noon 11am but I pushed it back all the way to 2:15pm. I quickly brushed my teeth (using an electric toothbrush now), ate cereal and showered. There was a short excuse with my mother before I left.

My dress today was slim fit blue jeans and a red/black plaid shirt. Hair in a ponytail since it’ll make the job of the person threading my eyes easier. I walked into town close to 3pm, I tried to avoid this as it meant kids would be leaving school now, resulting in the area being busier. I ended up choosing the eyebrow threading place with “brows” in its name. Didn’t need a warm up, just charged in straight ahead, the woman there was a paki, could’ve sworn I saw a white yesterday, must have been a customer. Said I wanted my eyebrows threaded and asked if it’d be OK? She told me to sit down, bit confused that she wanted me to sit in a chair in front of a mirror instead of further back. Made me feel a bit self conscious as I was waiting for her to be done with the other customer. Heard children’s laughter from outside the store, my neck snapped, I thought it was directed at me.

When it was my turn I explained that I wanted my eyebrows cleaner and tidier but also maybe a bit thinner. I declined an offer for them to be shaped as I didn’t know what shape I wanted. The process then began, it was shockingly painful at points, I suppose it’s due to the amount of hair that was being removed. It didn’t take too long, the woman didn’t talk much, I appreciated it. She pointed out how my eyebrows were a little uneven due to me plucking and trimming, so now I need to let them grow naturally. I was happy with the results, can’t believe it took me so long to do this. As I was leaving I accepted a loyalty card and paid £5 for the threading service. While I was having my eyebrows threaded, a few more people entered the store, they appeared to be 3 schoolkids, 2 male and 1 female, the female was a paki and one of the males was a negro, the negro appeared to be laughing at me. Enough to make one even more racist than they already were.

Just went home after all this. Getting a haircut will be more challenging, not sure where I’ll get it done, there are so many places in the town centre and my hair is awful. I’ll set the target for Friday at the latest.

I played some “Yakuza Kiwami 2”, it’s duller than the other games but I appreciate side quests being easier to locate. After a couple of hours I went out again, this time ASDA to buy potatoes, coleslaw and tuna. I’m preparing my own food from now on, I might even go a step further and get my own milk & cereal.

The rest of the day was spent posting on 4chan and playing Yakuza, Couldn’t find anything remotely interesting to watch. I’m planning on buying a new jacket, got it down to two. Might even buy both.

Genesis of Rebirth

Today was a productive day, I felt good. I woke up at noon, even though I didn’t have anything special planned. I proceeded to eat cereal, shower, wash my hair and change my bedding. I then started selling my PS3 games, the more valuable ones were sold through MusicMagpie. My next act was heading outside to the local library in order to print the postage label, there were no hiccups here, since I was outside and in the town centre, I decided to make the most out of the situation and walk around town scoping out places that offer eyebrow threading. There were 2 or 3, one of them had “brows” in it’s name but I didn’t spot “threading” on the “menu”. I’m very nervous about this but I figure I just need to blindly rush into it, it might not go exactly as I want but any work that’s done to my eyebrows will be an improvement, the anxiety will only be temporary. Before leaving I picked up some mouthwash.

On the way back home, I saw a pack of pakis walking in my direction, they could also have been half breed negros based on their behaviour. They have a seconse of self importance, typical amongst 2nd/3rd gen pakis. The 3 seemed to be a teenage schoolgirl, a mother and a kid/baby. They’re all walking in a row across the pavement, leaving no room for anyone who walks in the opposite direction. I walked straight at the teenager, we come fac to face and everyone stops. The bitch wouldn’t move out of my way, so I get in between her and the mother, shoulder barging the teenager as I do, I get a lot of contact. It wasn’t intentional but it was unavoidable as they wouldn’t move out of my way.

I walk away, the mother is pissed though and she says “Excuse me!”, I look back and point out my problem with their behaviour. I then continue walking off, the mother still feels the need to respond, something about having a baby with her. Living rent free in her head, the teenager will remember it to, maybe even correct her behaviour.

At home I pack up the games I’m sending, and walk to the post office, it doesn’t take long to encounter more inconsiderate pakis. A family are packing into a car, all the doors are open so I’m forced onto the pavement. While walking passed I mutter “paki animals”. I continue on my journey and post my games. My activities for the day were done so I chose to clean my room, move my HRT pills to a tix box so it’s easier to keep track of them and change my bedding.

It was soon after 5pm, nothing more I could do, I posted on 4chan, applied to a few jobs, watched YouTube videos and then broke, played a reasonable couple hours of “Yakuza Kiwami 2”, there just wasn’t anything else to do at this time of the day. Just gotta get my eyebrows sorted tomorrow and I can still call this a new chapter.

Only misstep was being offered an interview for tomorrow, I accepted but then pulled out after realising it was a 90 minute commute (at best)

Moving on (Platinum #21)

As usual, woke up after 2am, ate cereal, played “Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII” and intermittently ate junk food. It was slightly past midnight when I completed the game and earned my 21st platinum trophy, it’s not a game or trilogy I’ll remember but the trophy is a nice souvenir of my time spent.

For the first time in a long time I went a full 24 hours without posting on 4chan, the generals I frequent are just too hostile right now, even without me being present, people are still posting offensive materials. The plan right now is to become a better version of myself before returning there. This plan comes in three parts, get my eyebrows threaded, get a haircut and secure a job, the job should be the one I interviewed for last week. My hopes are still high.

When I was watching the final cutscenes of “Lightning Returns”< my father entered my bedroom and asked me to change his mobile phone sim contract provider, I agreed on the condition that he’d fuck off. Even still, it took another 5 minutes before he was completely gone. This is going to be a pain and it’ll take up a lot of my time, I’ll need to sign up with the new company, cancel the old contract and do the whole thing with retaining the phone number, I’m going to be leaning on this and telling him to fuck off for a while.

The washing machine keeps leaking, quite the large puddle in the kitchen right now, that’s what happens when you buy cheap. Pretty much everything in this house my father bought is of the cheapest variety, pakis don’t understand why different models are more expensive, they understand branding, they’re happy to pay for that (iPhones etc) but now when it comes to household appliances like cookers, fridges and vacuum cleaners.