A new emotional low

I woke up at 8am today as I needed to attend my probation appointment for 9:30am. The heavy snow was beautiful but a challenge to walk through. When I reached the place, I had some short interaction with the receptionist, she complimented me on knowing the phoenitic alphabet when I spelled my name. I said her mind works in an interesting way in response to something she said. I was able to leave after 10 minutes since my case worker couldn’t make it due to the weather.

At home I binge ate out of boredom. I still had 2 hours before I had to depart for my coach which would take me to Wembley Stadium. I argued with my father about general crap again but when the time came, I felt ready. 3DS in my hoodie pocket, wallet and phone in front pockets and my tickets in my back pocket. I said goodbye to my mum, she was worried about the whether since people died on the motorway yesterday. She asked where my tickets were and insisted on a hug.

I began my journey, I adjusted the contents of my back pocket, moved some tissues into the other one. A few minutes later I tucked my T-shirt into my pants and then a moment later I checked my back pocket for my tickets and noticed they were missing. I’d only been walking around 5 minutes, I panicked but instantly retraced my steps but due to the heavy snow and strong winds, I had no luck. Back at home, my mum said nothing. I messaged the guy I was gonna meet with that I had messed up. He was disappointed, not as much as me. I went out again to find the tickets, too late to catch the coach but it would ease the pain a little. I failed again.

Back at home I became deeply depressed, I battled between punishing myself by starving my body or by getting a takeaway, I went with the latter. I then played some vidya and went out to get some doughnuts.

My mum and I eventually had a chat, I admit, I did suspect her of thieving my tickets but after she showed sympathy in response to me explaining what happened, I was convinced it wasn’t her.

I felt better sharing my feelings on the usual outlets. Watching the game on TV provided mixed emotions. I wanted thee game to suck and Rochdale to lose so I wouldn’t feel bad about missing out but so far it appears to have been entertaining and I do feel down. Maybe it would have been uncomfy in the cold.

Good news from yesterday, I got an invitation to an assessment for the job I applied for (it’s at the same place), surprised but it’s not gonna end well, the person conducting the assessment is my current manager. Gonna quit if the new girl gets it.

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I must learn the value of time

I stayed in. Only 3 more chapters of Akiba’s Beat to go. Didn’t leave my room much. At the end of the day I wound down by watching some 30 for 30 documentaries.

Bit nervous about going to London tomorrow. I’ve done some reading and think I’m prepared but I’ll be playing it safe and not bringing a bag with me. I’ll also follow around the other away fans.

I’ve exchanged phone numbers and texts with the guy I’ll be meeting. Still suspicious.

Probation tomorrow too.

I guess I can count that as a win

There was no war. Not even a battle. I can in and upon checking my emails it was confirmed that my holiday request had been approved. I was asked not to use my work email from home through.

Someone at work is onto me and my little game. Nothing to worry about though, I’m learning the dimensions of the cage we’re entrapped in while those beneath me a simply attempting to build shelter.

My manager and I had two interactions, she seemed nice both times. Once when I asked her to do something work related and then later in the day when she wanted me to do something. It was nice to be given something to do by her instead of being ignored as I have been for the last 2 months but it wasn’t anything spectacular, just something tedious that no one would choose to do so it had to be assigned. Woman sitting next to me got it too, she got it first. When asked by my manger if I could do it, I made a show of checking how many emails I’d already done and said I could do exactly the amount that would take me up to the minimum (in this case it was 20).

I was assigned one of the more difficult queues today, yet I still hit target with 2 hours to spare. Watched wrestling without doing any work until the end of my shift.

Some of the easy stuff has been outsourced to a Bulgarian firm, looks like my enemies days may become more difficult without my contribution.

Guy at work hates our former manager. I feel we bonded a little. He advised I stick it out until the manager who left on maternity returns.

I asked my youngest sister if she wants to attend a football game with me. She declined and noted that I should ask my friends instead of constantly trying to do stuff with her. She made it clear she was aware that I had no friends. On the flip side, a bright idea came to me, I’m going to buy tickets for football games (once every 2 weeks) and leave an open invitation on my usual online haunts to attend the game with me. It’s possible I may make friends this way.

The war begins tomorrow

I woke up nice and early to get to the ticket office by 10am in order to book my tickets for the big game. I arrived with 15 minutes to spare, I could have gotten there sooner but I didn’t expect a queue. I’m in the corner but close to the pitch, the away allocation sucked, I think I’ll prefer the corner to behind the goal, decent side views weren’t really possible.

Two tickets were bought since I’m planning on meeting a friend from my sekrit club at the game, he’s London based. I’m worried he won’t show up but I have little to lose. The ticket was only £10.00.

Back to playing vidya, watching The Office and tonight I’ll be staying up to watch WWE Elimination Chamber tonight.

I’m going to try dieting again.

The only excitement I was able to generate was by applying for two new credit cards. It seems harmless, doesn’t cost anything and I get to look forward to receiving something shiny in the post.

Laying down the gauntlet

My case worker has revealed his true colours. He asked me what I did wrong and what I need to change. I claimed nothing. He then threatened to send my case back to court unless I start engaging. I played the game, talked about work and being passive aggressive. I need to do 20 “RAR days”. These are 20 hours worth of courses on victim empathy, victim awareness (?) and anger management.

My dispute with management over email is escalating. They have not responded to confirm my holidays so I will be taking the days off regardless. I pretty much have enough in writing to paint them as being at fault for not processing my request correctly.

I’m going to Wembley, no one is taking that away from me. Just worried the good seats will all be gone by the general sale.

Vidya feels like a chore, think I’m burned out. That’s probably a good thing.

NEO arrived. Not read.

One Piece hoodie arrived. Sleeves too short, try to get a refund.

Tick, Tock, scum

I’ve finally settled on the hand I’ll play. I’ll wait a while for maximum impact. The annoyance caused will be glorious.

Played some more Akiba’s Trip, more of a VN than a game. 2/5 of the way through.

My beanbag chair arrived. My days shall me infinitely more comfy going forwards.

I’m trying to get a day off next week so I can travel for the football. I fired off an email last night to my team coach, manager and former manager (now the head of the contact centre). The ex-manager replied that I didn’t have any holidays left. I made a sarcastic remark and then dragged out an email from 2 months ago when he offered me another two days holiday due to me being unable to take them the previous year. He never replied to my acceptance. If he rejects it now, I’ll ask how I can escalate the matter to HR since I have written proof of him making me an offer.