Did I get away with it?

I tried to get into the city sooner in order to get a haircut but disaster and fortune struck. Many trains had been cancelled but since I’d gotten to the station earlier, I’d at least be able to get into work on time, if I’d left it later, I may have been late. There was still a little time before my shift started so I checked out the clothing stores, they’re quite empty at this time. I bought a couple of basic plain t-shirts, for wearing underneath other clothes in this freezing weather. I also picked up a plain green sweater. I took a look at a more high end store too but the stuff their was too expensive considering I wasn’t sure if I’d get enough wear out of them.

The working part of the day was nice, a lot of informal conversations and because it was Halloween, we just chilled out and did some quizzes and anagram puzzles. My favourite part of the day was the debate we had, we split into two group and had to argue in favour of a different product. I became very animated and people were surprised, there was a bit of banter.

My mood soured towards the end of the day, I checked my bank balance during my final break and my previous employer as only deposited £886 into my account, this is roughly £400-£500 short of what I was expected, I usually get £1200 each month, plus I was supposed to receive an extra 4 days pay due to the days I worked after the cut-off, they should have been added onto my final pay. I asked for advise from one of the older members of the training group, I then decided to send an email to my former employer anyway. I’ve politely asked them to look into this, no mention of an employment tribunal yet.

Thought it was a bit strange how the African in my training group kept asking the trainer about her holiday destination even though she avoided answering the first few times, he asked quite a few peculiar questions like that.

Might as well run down all the characters in my training group

• Fillipino woman, likes manga
• African male, went to a festival in Croatia
• Dutch female, vegan says “me” instead of “my”
• Belgian/Pakistani male, says “yesh” instead of “yes”
• Portuguese woman, the one I don’t know much about, work for the DWP for a bit
• White British male, has a lot of burns, I don’t know the story there, in his 30s
• White British male, in his 30s, decent looking, confident and well spoken
• White British male, in his 30s, nicest to me, gay
• White(?) British male, has an interesting name, very friendly, confident and outspoken, everyone likes him, the life and soul of the party

I went straight home when my shift was over. My mum had made rice but there was no chutney, I still ate two bowls. In my bedroom I found my clothing rail on the floor, split in half and my clothes a mess. I don’t know how this happened, it doesn’t look like a natural occurrence. I also got into an argument with my sister, she used the first floor bathroom instead of her precious one on the second floor, I called her out on her hypocrisy, how it was unfair she could use this one but no one was allowed to use hers. She didn’t engage me.

Crying Failure

I slept in longer today as I felt confident that I could grab a later train and still arrive at work in time, I was correct and I was able to sit down on my way there. There wasn’t much time to loiter before the start of my shift. I got in and sat down, today we were doing more learning about the products sold through the company, it was simple for me to grasp, others struggled, just a bit of simple mathematics and rules on how it all works.

Someone said that it was good to see me smiling today, I didn’t think I looked particularly miserable yesterday, I responded by saying something about frown lines, I meant laughter lines.

In the afternoon, we did the activity that was brought up the day before, I watched other people do it, successfully and quickly. I gave it a go, it was optional, I have up quickly and felt bad when I failed. I was close to tears, bit my lip, the trainer wouldn’t leave me, others kept speaking to me too. She tried telling me I did certain aspects well and that I could try doing something else instead. A bit like a child.

I was getting warmer, not comfortable, down, so then left abruptly, said I needed to go to the bathroom. I just stood in a stall for a few minutes. Some guy was loudly taking a crap in another, I heard someone enter and leave the room.

I then went into the hallway, I saw one of my colleagues waiting there. I asked if it was break. He then said that our trainer wanted someone to check on me, I said I was fine, then talked a bit walking back to the room. I sat back until the day ended. A guy gave me a hand slap on the way out. I also chatted to some colleagues, one guy used to be a bartender and is very friendly/talkative.

During the day we also sang happy birthday to the Filipino woman. The trainer bought her a cake. She also tried encouraging everyone to get dressed up for Halloween tomorrow, the office will really be into it apparently, everyone will be dressing up. The friendly guy will dress as a clown, I would like to be able to go as Harley Quinn but I don’t have the costume or makeup, Momo might also be a fun one but again, I haven’t prepared.

I really want a haircut, my hair does not do well when it’s long, I want to go back to the shorter cut I had at the start of the year, I visited a couple of stores after work that were open but the right person wasn’t available or the wait would be too long so I said I’d try my luck tomorrow at 9am. I’ll need to get up early but it’s worth a go. I hate how messy my hair looks at the back.

At home, I ate and caught up on “The Apprentice”.

No photo since I’m still a being a bit careful about what I can take photos of without giving away my location.

I don’t want another enemy

I wasn’t sure when to wake up again since I’m still undecided on which train to use to get into work, since I know there’s a high possibility of the train being late but if I get the earlier one and it arrives on time, I’ll arrive very early. I went with the safe option, the early train. It was only 4 minutes late today and I used my time to do a little shopping.

Before leaving home, I threw my clothes in the wash, I wasn’t too happy with the clothes I had left. When I stepped into the clothing store before work, I picked up some vintage straight leg jeans, I just wanted a straight leg pair but I could only find “vintage ” ones. I got a medium blue shade, I really would have preferred something light blue but again, I couldn’t see anything like that.

I also bought a Harry Potter “Slytherin” jumper, it was just a really nice design, super comfortable, I would have bought it even if it didn’t have the logo, might even have preferred it. Also bought some socks. In the bathroom at work, I changed my socks and jumper.

The working day was different, instead of icebreakers and company benefits/policies, we started some actual learning, a woman came in and taught us about the products/services the company provides or more precisely, background knowledge. It was a lot to take in. The day got off to a poor start though, we were asked to give the woman teaching us a fact about someone else in our group. Almost everyone chose to give a fact about the person they were paired with yesterday, that’s normal, since that’s who each of us would know best.

We went around the room, I was one of the last 3, the other two were paired together yesterday so naturally I assumed they’d share facts about each other but instead the African chose to share a fact about the person I was paired with yesterday, this really annoyed me because when it was my turn, I had to say that I didn’t remember anything about the person left, she’s a Portuguese woman, the African was paired with her yesterday and shared details about her to the group, he was quiet, mumbled and didn’t give out anything interesting. It’s his fault and he is massively inconsiderate, he didn’t even give an interesting detail about the person I was paired with, he just listed the place she had a pair time job before working here (he could’ve mentioned she did Flying Yoga or liked K-pop).

This killed my mood, I was humiliated and felt like a complete bastard. I was pretty quiet during most of the day. The trainer often made reference to how nervous I looked, I abruptly said that was how I always looked. At the end, there was a physical activity that we were all expected to do, we ranked how confident we felt in being able to do it. I said I was a “minus 10”, the African went with “minus 100”, my reasoning was far more valid than his, I felt he was exaggerating. The trainer decided that we’ll push this back to tomorrow and no one would be forced to take part. She also spoke to me after the day was over and said that I looked really nervous and that it was my body, my choice. It was nice of her, I do still want to give it a try though, I just feel like I’ll fail, then feel bad.

At home I ate Fajitas, watched South Park, WWE Raw and then went out for Coke Zero, also bought some m&m’s. Overate again. I want to buy tickets for “Dear Evan Hansen” but it’s too expensive, over £200 for the best seats.

The jumper is a size “small”, it fits well.

Treated Right

I got up today bright eyed and bushy tailed since I had a brilliant new beginning to wake up to. It was cold but I had enough time and will power to pull myself together. I started work at 10pm so that allowed me to bypass rush hour on the trains, even though mine was late, it was nice to be able to use the trains again instead of buses, so much more civilised.

Between the train station and the office, a man asked me for money, he called me “love”, I silently shook my head.

I arrived at the office in time, I still feel it’s a wonderfully modern and comfortable working space. I met my new co-workers, there were 9. Of them, 3 were women and 6 guys, 1 woman was brown, 1 was Filipino (ex-student), 1 was Dutch, 1 man was from Eritrea (ex-student), 1 was a young white guy, the rest were all older white guys.

Throughout the day, I spoke a little to everyone from it was Filipino who I spoke to most. Everyone was friendly though and easy to chat to. We mostly went over paperwork, company policies and company culture. It was dull but easy money, I laughed a few times, there were a lot of jokes. I liked the part where we partnered with someone, answered some questions and then shared what we learned with the rest of the group. I was partnered with the Filipino woman, she likes K-pop and is a bit of a weeb, I used the word and I think she understood it.

When people heard my answers, I heard someone say they were surprised, I’m not sure what that meant, I said that I liked mental, my fave film was “Planet of the Apes” and to the group I explained that MTG was the oldest trading card game in the world and the history of the Pokemon TCG.

At no point did I sign anything giving my employer consent to do a DBS check but I’ve since learned that they don’t need it. They can still do a basic one which will tell them I lied about having a clean record, I can only cross my fingers and hope they just don’t do one and that my references will see me through. I like this place and I want it to work, I can see myself being really happy here, I’ve been told that since it won’t be too bust at night, I’ll be given extra responsibilities. Exactly what I wanted out of my last gig.

It’s not the most exciting place in the world but it’s civilised, you don’t need to ask to go to the bathroom and they don’t want you taking your training stuff home with you, out personal time is for us, not work. The computers also look very nice, the carpet is clean and bright, there’s a kitchen and a chill out area. I’m considering referring people from the old place that I liked here.

At home I binge ate, there isn’t even any substantial junk food around, I just ate whatever I could find. Bits and pieces of chocolate mostly. I didn’t intend to but I wasted over 2 hours playing Magic Arena, another 1 went on YouTube. I’m very worried about a DBS check and how it will be handled, I don’t want to be called in one day and asked about it.

If I do lose this job, the plan is to become a writer, I have ideas and I’m going to put them all to paper. I’ll start with a fantasy novel, I have a very clear idea but don’t want to give too much away in case someone steals my idea but the novel will be very readable.

No picture for now as I don’t want people to know where I work.

*plays harp*

Today was my final day at this workplace and it played out like any other day I’d been here this year. I woke up at 10am, watched a little YouTube, forgot to brush my teeth and then showered. I wore my favourite comfy outfit and headed out the door but not before learning the electricity had gone out for the entire street so that meant I may not be able to wash my clothes for tomorrow.

I got in and sat down to the usual grind, the difference today was that I wasn’t on the phones. I worked at a good rate and said goodbye to the scarf wearing Pakistani woman and the chatty Pakistani guy, I admitted that they were among my favourite people here because of their race.

when the phone lines were shut, I mildly slacked off again and did around half the work I normally would. I also handed my fob in to the team leader on shift, she had no idea I was leaving and said that I’d be missed. The conversation quickly changed topic though and I sat down. She did wish me luck as I was leaving.

Since I didn’t have a fob, I asked the Pakistani guy from yesterday if he’d let me out the building. He agreed but then I saw another person leaving through the gate and ran towards them. Up the street, a car pulled over next to me, I thought it night be the guy I just mentioned, I crouched and waved, the window was frosted but I could see there were two people in the car, I quickly sped off.

As I waited for my bus home, a woman asked to use my phone to call someone for shelter tonight. Said I wouldn’t need to give her the phone, I could keep hold of it. It sounded like a drug deal again.

As for the big reveal? I never worked for a company called Concentrix, I never said I did, I just played the role expected when people threatened me and I played all the bullies like a harp from hell.

I’ll post a picture later.

The end can’t come soon enough

I booked in a 1.5 hour holiday today so that meant I didn’t need to come in until 2:30pm. I slept in much longer than I should have, it wasn’t until after 11am that I got out of bed. I went down to get breakfast and in under an hour, I found myself arguing with both of my parents. First, my father asked me to help fix his TV, it looked like the remote control was needed to switch the HDMI settings as he wanted to watch SKY.

My mother then said I didn’t need to shout. I immediately snapped back and asked why she doesn’t deal with him and pointed out that she’s happy that he’s bothering me instead of her.

At work, I was put on the phones again. I did a decent job of it, after the phone lines went off, I was responding to emails, my manager actually had to the nerve to ask me to work specific ones and to focus on replying to certain types of queries, she singled me out. Almost as if I actually had some value and was competent. It’s like Madonna said “Once you’re gone she might regret it”. For some reason I chose to continue to do a half decent job instead of completely slack. I was frustrated to see the same name dragging out interactions with customers in order to avoid doing any real work herself and increase her CPH stats, I can’t believe she keeps getting away with it, I’m glad to be leaving.

I chatted to a Pakistani guy at who sat opposite me, not spoken to him much before, it was nice, it was concerning my leaving and this being a terrible place to work.

In happier news, my new undergarments arrived, the fit isn’t great on the underwear I wore today, might get a smaller size next time. Still, it’s a wider wardrobe and that’s a good thing.

My credit card bill is looking slightly healthier than last month, if I ignore the £200 Estrogen order. It seems I’ve finally gotten my spending under control. Around £800 will go out this month but then only £400 or so is set to go out next month, I still have 15 days before the next statement date though, the target is to spend no more than £200, half of that will go on travel.

I saw a spider crawling on my bed and crushed it was my bare hands.

I like how the hills can be seen in the distance on clear days.

Quiet before the Storm

The day got off to a rocky start, my bus was late or rather the busses before the one I got on disappeared. I was somewhere in the region of 45 minutes late but no one seemed to mind, no one even brought up my absence from yesterday, they get it.

Some people who don’t get it, however, are HR. They’re planning on docking my final pay for excess holidays used, I did the sums and I’ve used the correct amount, it just seems I’ve exceeded them because I was given less than 28 days to start with. I’ve been at this company for over 8 months and used 18.4 days. They haven’t officially said they’ll be making any deductions but I have hinted that this will be going to an employment tribunal, if I don’t get my due. They have yet to respond to my emails. I sent 3 throughout the day.

The woman who trained me had some banter with me before saying goodbye, it will be the last time I see her, we hugged. I joked that her training helped me ace the interview, it was a pleasant exchange. The guy who I once chatted with about football, spoke to me during my lunch break, I just listed off the various positives of my new gig and why I dislike working here, to some extent. Apart from these two interactions, people left me alone. Oh, there was some chat over the work messaging app with the Pakistani guy, that’s always good. I told him that I would miss him. I gave him my PSN so we could stay in touch, didn’t work out too well with quirky guy.

Back in the mines, I was on the phones all day, there was a skeleton crew, glad to be leaving, I’d never get on a decent shift pattern at this rate. I left calls in wrap up for 10+ minutes, no one said anything, it’s expected. The reason I was being particularly difficult today is because my manager has timetabled me in for a night shift on Tuesday. Despite telling me last week that I they’re going to take me off nights for a while, I guess they suddenly decided to trust me again, eh? or rather make up for the person on holiday. More likely still, my manager knows when my new gig starts so this seems quite petty.

My bus home was late too, I was standing around in the rain for over half an hour longer than usual. Some nuisances were setting off fireworks in the streets, I was afraid to be hit by one.

At home, I heard my sister and mother having an argument/discussion about someone having drunk alcohol and another person being unaware of it. I think they might have been talking about me.

My post contained a card from the recruiter who got me the job, it’s unusual but it’s nice that someone is happy for me. When I told my family yesterday, they were more concerned that anything, when asking where I would be working, they just wanted to know for the sake of knowing, they didn’t care or even smile.

Another story from yesterday that I forgot to share, I saw a Pakistani in the town centre being arrested, he was sitting in the back of a police car for over an hour, I don’t know what the delay was. The story is he killed a woman with his car 3 days ago, was released pending an investigation and now he’s been caught driving without a licence. I feel bad for him, even though I saw an ambulance in the area.

“Only for now”

I got another good night’s sleep, I rolled out of bed after 11am this time. I had no intention of going into work but left it until the start of my shift before texting one of the team leaders there. I’m supposed to call but I didn’t feel comfortable having this conversation on the phone.

It would have been best to call in sick but I decided to be honest instead and said that I was unable to come in today and that I made both my team leader and manger aware of this over email last week (but they ignored me), I closed by saying I’d be back in tomorrow.

An hour later, another team leader tried calling me, I ignored the call, I just don’t want to deal with this over the phone. There were a couple more calls throughout the day that I ignored too, I have no idea who they’re from since when I tried calling back, I heard a message saying the numbers were invalid. Possibly work? Possibly something to do with my new job? Possibly something even more important that I can’t see yet?

I’m not looking forward to explaining this tomorrow since I don’t think my explanation sounds good. I really should have just called in sick.

My plan for the day was to watch “Avenue Q” at the theatre with my brother until then, I unpacked some MTG cards that arrived and read the contract my new employer posted to me. My name was misspelled so I emailed them to inform them of this. I also went down to the local library to print off documents I’d need for my first day.

Back at home I petered about, not sure how much time I had left before I should set off. I set off at 5:30pm and got to the theatre an hour early, I ate a meal and sat in McDonald’s until 7:15pm when my brother arrived.

I think it might have been his first time there, I heard him laugh a few times so I hope he had a good time and a new experience. Some of the people around us were quite loud and really into it, one woman moved her hands as if conductive the show and bated her breath in anticipated for every line.

We talked a little before the show, during intermission and then quickly parted ways once it was over. Conversation didn’t come as naturally as expected, we talked a bit about football and newspapers.

I now sit on the train home, I had to wait half an hour for it.

The Die is Cast

I slept for ages and felt almost well rested when I eventually got out of bed. It was back to work today and I had a 1pm start. I ate my cereal and had an argument with my father, he wanted another SIM card and needed me to sort his cap out.

At work, I was on the phones, it didn’t bother me too much but I was exhausted with it all. I’d poured a lot of energy into this job, I’d approached it honestly but I could see now that it had all been for nought, I was back at the bottom of the totem pole and been surpassed by many who started working here after me. People who did not have good work ethic where being allowed to work from home, singled out for praise and being given bonuses. There were good people who were now stepping up to train others, I considered myself in their number at one point but I’ve fallen so far.

After an hour or two in and chatting to the recruiter over email, she told me that I shouldn’t worry, I definitely had the job secured. I followed this confirmation up with speaking to my team leader and asking how to give in my notice. He wasn’t too surprised, just said email my manager and HR. Though he did follow up by asking about my new gig, I played it down but excitedly shared the location.

My manager was sitting right next to me for the remainder of the day despite this she responded to my email instead of speaking to me directly. She asked if would like to do night shifts for the rest of the week, I declined since I had to be up early for my new job on Monday. It was a nice offer though a curious one since my night shifts had been taken away due to them not trusting me on them. It seems the likely reason for this is because the woman I did night shifts with is on holiday this week. Still a nice offer, a strange one but I appreciated it. It also made me feel less antagonistic towards the company. If I was still in that mood, I’d take the night shifts and then respond respond to as many customers as possible in a highly negative fashion.

We did have a chat later on, I just said that the new job pays a little better, the shifts are a little better and the location is a little better. I said the same to the woman who wears the headscarf too. I played down the new gig, said it was similar to the current role.

I didn’t talk much throughout the day, I worked painfully slowly since I’m still resentful over all the people working from home.

At home I ate store brand tortilla chips with sour cream and chive dip.

The below picture is of a book I’m interested in purchasing. As with all books in physical stores, I’m hesitant to purchase it due to the wear and tear around the edges from other customers handing it.

Toil Looms

I got up after 1pm, not sure why I was so tired. The only thing that caused me to get up at that time was my cousin sending a message over Whatsapp to let me know she was at the front door. We had a nice chat, my mother was around too and then decided to go to my grandmothers to show her my cousins wedding photos. Before setting off, I had a breakfast of leftover m&ms.

I brought along my laptop since we’d be showcasing them on there. It took a while to copy them over, I chatted to my mother and auntie who was also there. My gran was happy to see me. We went through the photos and commented on them, my grandmother was too unwell to attend the festivities so I’m sure she appreciates being able to see them now.

While there, I found time to play a little Pokemon GO, I completed the Jirachi special research tasks and filled up another couple spots in my Pokedex.

At home I started off pecking away at my Toblerone from yesterday and then bought a burger meal from rival burger joint, Orlando’s. I then sat down to watch WWE, I’ve also downloaded “The Boys” and HBO series “Watchmen” for later.

Not much was done with the remainder of my day, I played a hair amount of Magic Arena but quite sick of it now. I’m going to try applying for a few more jobs in order so I have a fallback plan. Not given in my notice just yet, still waiting on email confirmation that I have the job. However, I have asked that my working hours be reduced so this way, I will at least be happier at work, if I am stuck there.

I caught up with the Kaiji manga, it’s terrible right now.

I’m considering reading books again. Fantasy novels appeal to me, the ones I read briefly in Waterstones are “Oathbringer”, the books the Witcher is based on and a Magic the Gathering one.