A wild gamer appears!

Only 3 days at work this week, I’m going to share more about my working life this entry. There’s someone who is supposed to do the same job as me on days, I used to think I was treated as a special needs case who just dealt with paperwork and he then cleaned up and I was partially right, he does the cleaning up because he works on days, he can be chased up, I can just ignore everyone. He’s also a lazy twat, he had a reputation for disappearing for hours once the managers left, that was until he was caught masturbating in the bathroom, apparently his wife was on zoom with him. I assume he also masturbates to YuGiOh cards as on his desk he has a picture of his wife with a YuGiOh card slotted in the corner. I make sure to leave him work now and aim to spend an average of 3 hours per shift not working.

Of the new people I work with, one of them has been here for 7 months but has just switched from nights to days. He’s a young gamer, I think I could have bonded with him but missed the boat, repeatedly, he asked the room if anyone else played “Set for Life”, it’s a lottery, I didn’t say anything, he’s a PC gamer, bit of a divide between that and PS5, I didn’t build on the conversation to ask which games he plays. He isn’t just a gamer though, he follows football and seems to know it well, the room is always full with football banter, bit resentful too because there’s a video game I’ve been meaning to work into conversation since starting here because it would interest people but he got in there first and got the 5 minutes I was after.

Playing Gravity Rush and bought “Final Fantasy Crisis Core Reunion” for £34, I little discount on full price, should be able to sell it on for £30 or so by the end of the month.

Other notes, my bed is still broken, I am cold often, I’m sick of playing games and watching shows on a tiny TV screen, I can’t buy a house because I need new wage slips to apply for a mortgage again but can’t log into the work system for that.

Maybe, Just Maybe

Since my last entry I have been spending money a bit casually, I figure since I wasted £900 on solicitors fees, money is meaningless at this point, so I’ve been about £200 on Magic the Gathering cards and maybe £50 or so on lottery tickets, the tickets is silly, it just seems like a trivial amount to throw away each month. I am still looking at houses, not vigorously though, got a viewing on Thursday though all the homes I see are more expensive and smaller than the one I lost.

Not much on the gaming front, just playing “Plague Tale: Requiem”. I have bought Sonic Frontiers on sale from Amazon using a £5 discount voucher, I’ll be trading it into CEX for £6 profit.

The World Cup has picked up my mood, it gives us all something to believe in, after Pakistanis defeat to England last week, I pinned my hope on seeing some Pakistani excellence here, I was initially let down again when Qatar lost, then Sengal, then Iran but everything seems right with the world again, by chance I tuned into the second half of the Argentina vs Saudi Arabia game and both witnessed one of the greatest games of all time and the finest performance by a Pakistani team in football history, Saudi Arabia won, magic, they did what everyone said was impossible but they proved them wrong, so maybe I’m wrong about what cannot be accomplished.

I had a nice night out with my local friends, they hit me up late on Saturday afternoon, I didn’t have enough time to sleep, pick an outfit or groom, so I just took an hour nap and turned up to show my face, it would have been nice to have some more prep time but regardless, I met up with my camp friend, nazi friend and “cam”, met him in Sheffield, he’s the non binary person, we call him “cam” because he always has a look like he’s just been caught out on a nonce hunter cam/video. None of them looked like they made much effort to dress up either. I was the first to turn up which was disappointing.

I met the camp boy and nazi first, they were thirsting eagerly for alcohol and were considering planting roots in a brewery and waiting for Cam there but I convinced them to go to the train station but they insisted on purchasing drink from the mini supermarket first, I suspect they may have an addiction.

Cam arrived and I heroically managed to direct the group to the Christmas markets instead of a pisser….they all bought alcoholic drinks there and pork products, Can went to town on his like it was a large throbbing penis. I wanted to explore further and find some chocolate pancakes but the search was cut short as the Nazi was getting fidgety, he needed a drink soon, we went over to one of our favourites, a cramped and small space in the northern quarter, we went to the outer area and had some drinks, Can suggested a Gin & Lemonade for me, it was very nice, one of my favourite drinks now.

While sitting down, we were offered some hyper dash by the Nazi, it only cost £5 a gram, I regret not buying some, it’s good for weight loss and really cheap, it doesn’t seem to do much else of anything either, low chance of death. We all partook while Nazi regaled us with his thoughts on the greatest man in the history of the world, Oliver Cromwell and how he would threaten to and succeed in killing the king, I also took a look at his Poke on cards, later on we went out to look for somewhere else to drink but Nazi used some harder stuff and was clearly to hammered to get in anywhere, bouncers were refusing him entry from a mile away. We found somewhere to drink outside though, it was alright, it was getting close to 11pm and we split though I had to chaperone Nazi, he was lagging behind and getting aggressive due to his reduced cognitive abilities a result of the pixie dust.

The Summer Meetup (Part 2)

I am nearing the end of Mass Effect 3 so my free time should increase soon, for now though, I shall continue regaling you with the tale of the summer meetup.

Where we last left off, I had arrived in London and reached the meeting point, Marble Arch, just outside Hyde Park, I was the first there. I looked around for a way to cross the road to get closer to the Arch, while searching, I bumped into Mayuri and his latest victim, Alina, she appeared to have two black eyes but this was explained as just being tired. It was nice to see Mayuri again, outwardly he does seem very “together”, he’s one of those who you don’t quite understand why they are part of this community when then could reach higher, no pun intended (Mayuri is 5’4). It was also wonderful to meet Alina in the flesh, there is no disconnect between her voice, personality online and appearance, though the Gothic Lolita thing took me by surprise, didn’t take her for a weeb, though she insisted it was “just a dress”. Much like Mayuri, I’m not sure why she is amongst us, I was surprised she wanted a picture of herself taken both with me and the arch, she even posted the picture of herself in the thread, while I feel it’s a safe place, there are a few certified nonces and criminals around, so it’s best to be wary. Everyone else arrived late, it was very frustrating, the next to arrive was Shutin, he has become older since last time and despite how much he will tell you about his hairline, he doesn’t seem any balder than last time, he comes his hair well. He’s also still the same big beast of a man, very hugable and can imagine being comfortable with him in bed, as I’m sure many other women can, I can see why yellow women throw themselves at him, he looks like “default white businessman”.

I spotted a boy walking towards us in the distance, he had a green t-shirt and his hoodie wrapped around his waist, he looked quite trendy but from his walk and posture, I could tell he was here for the meetup, it became more evident when he greeted us, his voice and eyes, immediately piqued my curiosity and awe. I couldn’t place it at first and he does deny it, but I am sure he if of partial Oriental ancestry. I decided there and then that he would be my new adopted son.

Andrew approached from the shadows unseen, no one recognised him in his new look, I’m sure that’s what he intended, he was on edge about the possibility of the paparazzi. Shoutanon also crept up towards us, I was completely taken aback by his emergence, he looks like a stereotypical alt right type, I just wasn’t expecting it, I thought he would look more like a thug or chav given his voice, I was so shocked that I burst out in laughter it was just so unexpected, it was unreal, I’m sure it’s difficult to understand why I found it amusing but I’m sure we’ve all laughed harder at a joke we didn’t see coming or perhaps in a sitcom, something wasn’t amusing but due to how “random” it was we just laughed uncontrollably. As I was laughing, he told me to “Shut up, or I’ll rape you!”, I moved away from him quickly but not before hearing him whisper “Just kidding, I’m going to rape you anyway”, this put me on edge for the rest of the day.

Next up was the “Irish Paki”, he is of Irish decent but as previously established, as the Irish were the Pakistanis of Britain before Pakistanis arrived in modern times, the name is fitting. His sunglasses were very cool but it was a frustration of mine that he initially refused to take them off, and when he did he wouldn’t put them on his shirt pocket. Almost all of his clothes are from Matalan, except the glasses which are from TK MAXX, though the shirt wasn’t either though that’s the one piece of clothing I’d guess was. He brought along a carrier bag with food, I would have thought a backpack would be more convenient.

The last individual was travelling by coach as I had previously done, it was running late so we cut through the park to meet him part way, the park wasn’t particularly busy. Lots of seating and open grass space, it wasn’t the best park I’ve ever seen, it’s not very distinctive.

The lad approached us after some waiting around and to my surprise he was flamboyantly gay, it added some welcome diversity to our group and I liked that he complimented my outfit. I should mention that he denies being homosexual but I feel that might just be internalised homophobia.

The group was now assembled and on we’d march, when I next update tomorrow.

As for current events, today was Eid but due to work, I slept through most of it, I came down for 20 minutes and the highlights were my sister almost saying “Paki” in front of my brothers white fiancee and then the family debating the use of the word and the other highlight being seeing poppadoms for the first time in my life in the kitchen, I assume my mother thought it was something white people like.

At work, a new guy has started, he’s not particularly talkative but I hear him come alive when I’m in the break room and he chats to my colleagues, it’s disappointing that he’s much more successful socially at work within a day than I’ve been in almost 4 months. I do enjoy though that he sits directly behind me and can see me on YouTube while he actually does work. He picked up he was ex-army so he’s probably racist, his accent is quite racist, very “common”, a phrase that comes to mind is “out the gutter”.

The Summer Meetup

I have little to excuse the lateness of this entry, I don’t recall what happened during the last 2 weeks for the most part so I will mainly cover the events of this recent weekend.

One major development not related to the weekend is that I have back home with my parents, it’s the only way I can continue working this job though it has been less than 2 weeks, I am already going mad, I feel the same suffocation that compelled me to move out previously. My mother is still plotting a divorce and has revealed the costs to be between £7000-£8000, I think it’s pretty clear her solicitor is fleecing her, my mother is so narrow minded that the only route to acquiring money she can see is taking it from my father. My only hope is getting a house soon, my father is insisting on looking for 3 bedroom houses in the £120K price range and then under offering by 5-10K.

I travelled to my flat, the lease still has around month on it, on the eve of the meetup to get some sleep and prep for the day. When I woke up, I have 90 minutes to get ready, this seemed a bit tight but I managed to put my outfit on, shower and do most of my makeup, it did get quite rushed there and it resulted in me forgetting to pack my travel bag with anything useful, so I was unable to top up my makeup throughout the day, I also didn’t bring water so my lips became very dry and unsightly quickly.

the tram was late and so I missed my planned train but was able to hop on the next one without issue. I arrived in London around 11am, I tried checking into my hotel early to drop off my bag, I couldn’t get into the room but I was able to leave my bag. Some highlights up until this point are that while I was walking through the streets of Manchester, all eyes were on me and a large black guy said I looked very pretty and asked if I was single, he was shocked when I said I was but I followed up by saying I had to dash for my train, which was true. London on the other hand was very different, no one at all was paying any attention to me.

I was the first to arrive at the meetup spot, I’ll be providing analysis of each of the individuals first and then proceeding with the play by play of events as I feel that makes for more informed reading. They are in order of arrival.

• Alina – The one cis female at the event, she was dressed especially for it in a white gothic lolita outfit complete with those blocky shoes, same mistake I made, it made walking difficult and we did a lot of that, felt bad for her, not least of all because she seems to be under the strain of some “adverse circumstances”, this may all be speculation but I believe she has some difficulties with her parents which have driven her to the arms of an older man. She also has issues with substance abuse, from what I can tell. This might paint a negative picture but I think she’s a great personality, fun to be around, well meaning and respectful. I hope she gets the help she needs. In terms of appearance, she could do with getting more sun and dying her hair again as I could see blonde streaks poking through the back of her head, I feel like I quite clearly mogged her but as London is upside down town, her outfit was getting more stares than mine from the locals.
• Mayuri – He’s a nice guy, smaller than when I last met him, everyone gets along with him, everyone likes him, so it’s hard to say anything negative about him but that’s the way it usually is with abusers. He has a brand new look, he resembles Andrew Garfield from the Amazing Spider-Man films with glasses. He also is likely a member of a grooming gang, either a Turkish or Albanian one, I believe he only claims to be Greek to lul people into a glass sense of security, his refusal to give out details on his place of work or first name is damning, he clearly has something to hide, skeletons in the closets, attic and bedroom. The so-called “nonce nest” is just the tip of the iceberg.
• Shutin – Same as always but now he has the body and look of a project manager to go along with his new job. He’s still prone to his usual schizophrenic outbursts and struggles with empathy but he seems to be trying to better himself and at times he behaved like a balanced mediator. He is maturing with age and is more attractive than when I last saw him.
• Zoomer – I was shocked when he appeared, though I could tell he was a poster from a mile away, it’s the clothes and the walk that gave him away but he’s very, very cute. Though he denies it, his skin tone and eyes indicate hapa DNA, despite this, I still find him worthy of living. He has a unique way of speaking, not quite autistic, just otherworldly, like he doesn’t have a care in the world, he has nice hair and I just want to put him in my pocket.
• Andrew – The rumours of him working for GCHQ must be true as he’s now sporting a look reminiscent of an undercover CIA agent, he wore slim glasses and a baseball cap, he’s also built like a tank. He claims to have been terminated from his job but it’s hard to separate fact from fiction when speaking to the ambassador, I think he just wants to throw people off the trail on a similar vein to Mayuri. I would say he is more attractive than last time.
• Shoutanon – If I could sum him up in one word it would be “rapist”, I am not a fan of this abusive individual at all, I have nothing positive to say other than I find his large cuddly appearance to be quite adorable, his sense of humour can be acceptable at times also. He is ultimately though a threat to myself and women everywhere and I will not feel safe as long as he is allowed to prowl the streets, I’ll provide more details on my grievances in the play by play of the day. Another way of summing him up briefly would be the archtype of a poster in our general, from the appearance to the NEETness.
• Irish Paki – Great guy, same mystique as always, now sporting trending aviator sunglasses, he got rid of the Henry Cavil mustache and is less attractive for it, it went great with his height, I don’t feel the sunglasses made up for the lack of mustache so it’s with a heavy heart that I deem him, less attractive than last time, however still more attractive than most.
• Tig – A fellow poster from the North West who has refused to meet me on multiple occasions, he is extremely pleasant in person and the reason he didn’t wish to spend time with me is that he is gay, he has a great, bubbly personality and is quite attractive, he looks similar to Tyson Fury but not freakishly tall. I enjoy how familiar he feels, as though I already know him, it’ll be due to him pretty much being local to me, he does have some terrible habits that he needs to kick though, particularly substance abuse, I think of all the people I’ve listed, he’s the one that’s clearly too good for the general and I’m surprised we have him, I unfortunately didn’t ask why he posts amongst us.

The above took an hour to write on my lunch break, I shall continue tomorrow.

Gaming Disorder

There have been a couple of notable events since my last entry but I have been unable to post about them sooner due to becoming obsessed with a new video game.

That game is Yakuza: Like a Dragon, it’s heavily story focused and a turn based RPG with lots of traditional and modern JRPG elements that really take advantage of people like myself. I have currently put over 50 hours into the game and can see myself putting in another 50. It has resulted in most of my other obsessions being cut out completely, it’s also helped with my diet to some degree though today I took out a trash bag that contained for empty bags of Doritos, this was partly thanks to them running a competition where I could win a PS5. I have not won, I also did not win anything on my premium bonds this month either.

The big news is that I’ll be returning to work at the office from Friday, the entire night team will be due to us supposedly lowering our productivity. This seems massively unfair considering myself and a couple of others have been working well, it’s just a handful of people who have always had low work rates. This might work out for me though, if the Koreaboo is in Korea as I suspect, he will be unable to return to the office and fired. His brother may also experience issues. I’m still holding out hope they’ll make an exception for me and allow me to continue working from home.

My big obsession with the Yakuza game once resulted in my staying awake for 32 hours and then sleeping for around 16. My sleep pattern has been terrible throughout my time away from work but at least I now resent going to sleep and instead have something I want to stay awake for.

My social relationships have heavily suffered due to this, I have had limited to no contact with any of my friends and family. My mother did call, I told her I was off to get my eyebrows threaded and she said “why?”, as insulting as always, we ended the call, I said I’d call back but didn’t.

I intend to post an interesting image later today assuming I can pry myself away from the video game.

I wore some size 7 boots but developed a blister on one toe, not sure if they’re too small or if I just need to break them in.

5 years later…..I am finally Legend

I used almost all the time during my days off from work to play Hearthstone. I spent perhaps 30 hours but in 3 days of play from picking it back up to the day is out it back down, I was able to achieve what I couldn’t in years of prior play, hitting the legend rank. It feels vindicating but mostly freeing, I can now play this game for fun.

I went out to buy some food, it was a good shop, I guess I was celebrating, I bought little chocolate treats, pancakes, coleslaw, chicken breast and some curry sauces. it was easy to use the curry sauce, just grill the chicken and then mix it with the sauce for a few minutes, it tastes OK too.

My main enemy has been the cold, it’s bitterly freezing during night shifts at home, I’ve learned this is due to the large windows and high ceilings, I’ve moved my desk so I’m right against the radiator. More work has been introduced and people are getting lazier, we’ve reached an understanding and will each only do certain tasks. The new guy, the Koreaboos brother is too lazy though. They haven’t bothered training him on the new system, I think that might be because they’re going to get rid of him after 6 months.

Weekdays > Weekends

Work today, time went by slowly as I have lost the tolerance built up over the summer. It was cold and rainy too, fingers were close to numb, not a lot of customers, not a lot to do, unpleasant day. Left home early to visit the GP surgery and book an appointment, too my mild surprise, it was closed, not open on weekends, I suspected this, meant to check, so I only have myself to blame, will try calling in on Monday. I saw two work colleges walking in the other direction when I was off to the GPs, I expected this but was still uncomfortable, we could see each other for 30 seconds or so before we passed each other, didn’t know when the right time to speak up was. I waved, the guy said “You know work is that way?”, I responded “I know, I just have something to take care of this way” while flailing my hands.

Saw the Polish guy from the arcade, don’t know if he saw me, I hope he and the others don’t think I didn’t appreciate their friendliness and chose to quit.

Didn’t get one on one time with the ops director, no opportunity to ask for my hours in the arcade back.

Ate hummus, bought a sandwich from ASDA for work. Buying £4 bus tickets now my student card has expired.

No response from detective.

Forgot to wear deodorant.

My mum called, she received the hard copy of the letter my uni emailed to me regarding my hearing, the regulations violated and what I’ve been convicted of. She asked if I wanted her to open the letter, told her not to as I’ve already received a copy via email, I suspect she had already opened it. Didn’t realise my roommate was still in the kitchen, he must have heard me uttering the words “uni” and “hearing” at the very least, most likely was able to hear the entirety of what I had to say. Worried but I need to remember suspicions are worthless, he’s probably telling himself he misheard and if he isn’t, he cant prove anything, so this goes no further.

Just counting down the days

Despite going to sleep at 3am, I was able wake up alert and energised at around 9am. It’s convenient emptying pissbottles out of the window, little worried a roommate might see me from above, getting a bit anxious about doing even that now. Emptied around 2 litres onto the flower bed area beneath my window today, I’m sure this will have some effect on the area, hopefully make it unpleasant for Chad and his pals if he ever decides to host a party/BBQ like he was planning to.

I got a little dry mouthed waiting for the kitchen to free up, didn’t get a mug of water in the afternoon until after 6pm. Went out a little later to buy something to eat, got hummus and pitta bread, getting sick of it but I don’t know what else to do. Sweated just  little on my way back home, I took a glance upwards towards my roommates windows, saw Chad looking out also, don’t think we made eye contact but I don’t like that he was watching me walk. Went straight to my room once I got through the front door, listened carefully, once the coast was clear I went into the kitchen but before I could pop my bread into the microwave Chad came thundering down the stairs, I quickly stashed my food into a cupboard and began to leave thee room. Unfortunately I wasn’t quick enough, can’t remember if I was aware enough to greet hi however he told me he was heading into town, I replied “Good for you” and moved further out of the room, I had to slide past him, I don’t know why he entered the kitchen, the front door to leave the building is in the other direction. He said he hated getting dressed up, I didn’t respond, I didn’t know what to say, opened the door to my room, he tried opening the front door but was surprised it was locked, trying not to appear too rude, I made conversation regarding when and why to lock the doors, neither of us wanted to be talking, I shouldn’t have said anything, I didn’t know when to stop or turn my back so I kept going as to avoid coming across as antisocial. Didn’t last long, glad it’s over, hope it won’t happen again any time soon.

I ate after he had left.

The student union guy replied to me, just general stuff about how the hearing will go down, good info but nothing specific to my case. It’ll be informal, think that might make it harder for me to speak.

Will visit the GP tomorrow to set an appointment.

Couple of runs in the arena in Hearthstone, I’m enjoying collecting cards from packs to complete my collection more than anything. Watched another episode of Prison School, it’s a decent show.

Paid £90 off my fine because I’m worried about missing one of the repayment dates.

Work tomorrow, don’t feel like leaving my room for such a long period though, my body has gone soft, feet hurt walking down to ASDA. Pretty comfy right now, I’ve become accustomed to it, it’s not perfect but I’m OK with this, I do need another job but I’m not going to seriously look for one, I can survive as I am, I’m comfortable enough and I wouldn’t get anything anyway with the students coming back to the city.

Only have myself to blame

Good nights sleep again, masturbated to a femdom video before bed. Ate cereal when I got up but didn’t eat again until 8pm, microwaved cheese sandwiches, brown bread, still don’t have much of an appetite. I shaved, think I want to go into the misconduct hearing with a light beard.

Doorbell rang twice, it always makes my heart skip a beat, I worry it might be the police. Accepted a delivery for Chad and textbook from Chinese Chads friend. Short and easy exchanges.

Oven is broken.

Student Union guy replied to my email, offered to accompany me to the hearing, asked for more info, I gave him everything, links to the thread, the most recent letter and my arguments. He’s a student union guy, must be social and friendly, I should enjoy him by my side and I look forward to having someone “real” to discuss this matter with. Solicitor replied, nice of him to get back to me but his response was trash, “You’ll get your laptop back when the police are done with it”.

Played Hearthstone.

Spent most of the day browsing Darknet Markets. Bought some Bitcoin. Found what I needed, wish I had thought of this last year, would’ve saved me much pain and a I wouldn’t have a criminal record. It’s hilarious, I sometimes fantasise about being back in high school armed with the knowledge and experience I have now but really even stepping back a few months would have saved me a bit of aggro, I learn more every day. I’ll finally have what I originally wanted and more, it’ll all be over, no losers, everyone got what they wanted, I’ll be at peace, even now it relaxes me greatly knowing that I’ll certainly get my closure.

Roommates were out most of the day.

Day 3 of my reintroduction to NEETdom

Wok up late again today, masturbated in the morning and during the night which is something I rarely do, the night wank was especially satisfying, probably because I was groggy, felt as if an external force was present.

Shower, cereal. Hearthstone, /brit/, /britfeel/, 420chan, downloaded some more anime but didn’t watch any today, finished skimming Raw.

Still don’t have much of an appetite, went out to ASDA to buy something for dinner as my cupboard and freezer compartment are bare. Navigated past the McDonald’s, hopefully without being seen. I spotted a female who from behind resembled one of the Polish girls, same jacket, same backpack, same stick thin legs, I could only see her from behind so I hovered around the area for a while, picked some bananas, the last bunch I bought were forgotten about and rotted but I need to get something healthy into my diet. My heart was racing, I was feeling faint, couldn’t think how best to approach her, everything seemed to aggressive. She turned around, wasn’t her, her fashion sense was quite common after all. Not sure if disappointment or relief, I wasn’t in a good condition to interact with her, need to shave.

Wondered around ASDA, didn’t know what to buy, just picked up tortilla chips and dip. Felt disgusting after finishing them as usual.

Still angry, got a plan, tears will flow again. Really need my laptop back.

I’m not pissing out of the window anymore, I am now emptying full bottles out the window and filling them back up in my room, I was anxious about being seen.

A roommate vacuumed the upstairs hallway. They spoke to each other multiple times again today, I’m relatively safe in my room, just wait for it to pass but I feel bad knowing they’d like a third man to add to their dynamic.

Chinese Chad knocked on my door, I was lying in bed in my underpants, scrambled to get up, let out an involuntary grunt before opening the door, I am comfortable with Chinese Chad seeing me in my underpants and a T-shirt, I don’t know why I am so comfortable around him compared to others but I am, if I had to guess it would be because he comes across as nice and honest. When I answered the door he asked if I was sleeping, said “Resting”, not sure what distinction I was trying to make, maybe being vague and confusing was the intention. The wonderful young man offered me cookies, they were those “reduced” ones, were going off tomorrow. Took one, he insisted I take the other too, usual banter “you’d be doing me a favour”, “well if you insist” etc. Said some unclear stuff about being unable to find reduced goods in ASDA, a decent exchange apart from that.

A guy spectated two of my Hearthstone arena games, threw me off, didn’t like being watched or having to converse. Maybe if I was at least prepared.

My body feels fine now I’ve had a lengthy resting period.

I’m trying not to think about the misconduct hearing because whenever I do I’m starting to imagine the worst, I have no answers for the likely questions I’ll be asked.