The day flies when you’re not alone

Today was full of social interaction though only with members of my extended family. I woke up slightly after noon, I was the only person at home but was soon disrupted from checking my emails by a knock on the door, it was my uncle. We talked about very general stuff, put on Football Focus in the background and later the football match between West Ham & Manchester United. My mum later arrived back home, she brought a couple of sandwiches, I overate, my daily calorie intake within a couple of hours.

Another uncle arrived shortly after, he recently bought a large collection of DVDs for a low price and asked if I’d be interested in claiming any. He had other stuff to do so left quickly.

I showered and exfoliated. Then I chose to set of to my aunts house, she asked me a while ago to pop by since I rarely do. On the way I played Pokemon GO, very close to getting Serebii now, even made an “excellent curveball throw”. My cousins were at my aunts house, one of them was celebrating a birthday, another had travelled from several towns over to visit, I rarely see him anymore. I’d forgotten about the birthday, there was a funny moment when he went into another room and I tried to call him to wish him a happy birthday but he rejected the call. I became the centre of attention, perhaps overacted to a few things. My cousin who was visiting was with his gf, I don’t like her so didn’t even look her way though I spotted she had yellow Vans, a different style to the ones I wanted though. The birthday cousin quickly left the building to go hang out with his friends. Another cousin invited herself on to my trip to London in 2 weeks, then my aunt and then another cousin. Instead of having just an hour there, I’m going to be making a full day of it. I would have preferred something easier but at least now I’ll get to see Elizabeth Tower and all the other major sights. There was some comfortableness when one cousin left and insisted on taking a childhood photo with her, she’s in a relationship with a man who is clearly a con artist. It devolved into an argument, she is blindly infatuated with the guy though he doesn’t seem to have much going for him. Of the various scams he’s pulling and has already pulled on her, the one that piqued my interest is that he prospective father-in-law requested photographs of her, one in western clothing and one in Pakistani clothing, both against white backgrounds, she has supplied the pictures. The family are also requesting photos of her and her siblings as children. I may contact the police for assistance as I am concerned, not sure what sort of scam this relates to.

Went to my grandmothers after this to visit my uncle, picked out some DVDs (Shameless season 1-3, Spider-man 1-3, Tremors, Godzilla and there might have been a couple more. I then went downstairs to spend some time with my grandmother, she was happy to see me, I ate food she had prepared earlier (chicken curry and frozen pizzas). Found out Coke Zero has been discontinued in the UK and what I’ve been drinking the last few months was actually “Coke – Zero Sugar”. Thought it tasted different. There’s word that some stores in town still have supplies of Coke Zero, I’ll pay a visit tomorrow.

I’ve put on weight, I’ve ignored the problem for too long I need to get back into the mentality of weighing myself every day.

There was discussion throughout the day about the paki couple who were arrested at a supermarket for being told they could not buy 50 bottles of water on special offer. Half the family thinks they chimped out and deserved what happened to them, the other half think it was racist. There will be a protest soon, could lead to more, will follow with intrigue.

I had a ticket for a Man City football game today but chose not to bother attending, it’s just too much hassle, the novelty is fun once in a while but not as a regular activity.

Been thinking about stuff and now I can see the quirky guy didn’t ask to hang out with the androgynous guy, the androgynous guy asked to hang out with him. So quirky guy didn’t spurn me in favour of someone else, it really was just that someone else took an initiative that I didn’t. It’s a shame that I did wind myself up over this for a lengthy period back then, makes me wonder if there were other instances that my vision was clouded.

Not the right one

I didn’t get the promised call from the place I applied to. Guess that means the DBS came back and they’re aware of my unspent conviction. They might just be planning on ignoring and forgetting me. Not optimistic about this one so, I’ll just assume I didn’t get it.

Woke up early for the Metallica general sale but wasn’t able to secure better tickets so left it, I’m surprised how well the show has sold.

Played Pokemon GO, didn’t 2 laps around the town hall, it was warm but I put my hood on and looked like a creep. Trying to fix the location spoofing app on my phone so I can avoid the humiliation of leaving my bedroom in the future. The worst part is encountering other possible Pokemon GO players and swiftly putting my own phone away.

Read some HxH, almost caught up, it’s not holding my interest well. Nothing is happening. Mostly just watched YouTube videos again, only interesting watchs were regarding the YuGiOh community being “toxic” and something from the only popular paki YouTuber.

Got a ticket for a football game tomorrow but I won’t attend, I’d rather sleep for longer after having to wake up early the last 2 days.

My joints hurt.

I’m such a cool guy

I was unable to force myself into bed before midnight but once I got down I achieved deep sleep, it was satisfying. Woke back up at 7:30am, that left me 2 and a half hours to get to my assessment/interview thing. There was enough time to eat, shower and get dressed into a suit without a blazer. I became a bit rushed for time so didn’t brush my teeth, iron my shirt or cut my nails. Despite this I felt in a good mood when I headed out the door, I was sufficiently prepared as the bar seemed low.

Missed the bus I was aiming to get on because the paki infront of me didn’t bother to run to catch it. It didn’t affect anything, still managed to get to the office building with 15 minutes to spare. I entered the building, signed in and was pointed towards a waiting area. Ignoring myself there were two paki males and two white females waiting to be called in. We went into a room together, three women here, HR/managers. There was a little intro, a group exercise that involved roleplay and puzzle solving. It was fun, I was animated and easily the most well spoken person there. This was followed by an extremely short tour of the, the gig pays slightly more than my previous one and the office is far larger so appears to be a much more upscale operations. This could be a step-up though I don’t look forward to being back on the phones. The whole thing was over in just under an hour, we then departed and I made my way home.

I’m a far more developed person now than I was a year ago. Interviews and interacting with new people is so simple. I enjoyed myself today. I wonder how far the new me can go?

An appeal is off the table, my solicitor said it had to be lodged within 7 days of the original sentence. Bit bitter.

Nothing more happened at home. Just watched YouTube videos for hours and posted on 4chan. No vidya again. I enjoyed eating, it was rice and chicken.

A fast turnaround

I was awoken by a call just before noon, it was, not sure who exactly, I suppose one of the companys I applied to or someone related to them. They were just confirming some details I proved and asked if I would be OK to do a telephone interview in half an hour, I asked for more time so I was given another 2 hours. The time was first used to wake myself properly, I then ate and used close to 2 hours unwinding, the last 15 minutes were spent preparing. The call came through, it was a woman on the other end, she sounded like the usual HR person. I wasn’t intimidated and proceeded to attempt to answer the questions put towards me, I was stumped a little when it came to questions regarding the company/role specifically but the scenario and skill based ones were fine. I was confused about the job I was being contacted about since I had applied to two from this company and it turns out the one I was being interviewed for was a third I knew nothing about. That didn’t prove to be an issue, as I said before, this is a place with a reputation of hiring pakis. There standards are far laxer than most places as shown by how quickly they contacted me.

After 15 minutes I was placed on hold for 10 minutes while my answered were being “scored up”, I was then told I passed and was invited to an assessment tomorrow. There was a bit hard selling, I was told this was the last one they’d be running for a while after I hesitated when being told of the time and date. The email that came through confirmed the details, expected to last 2 hours and consists of a presentation, group exercise and tour. The only issue is that during the phone interview I was asked if I had any unspent convictions and I lied. It felt uncomfortable admitting orally, I’m sure I confirmed this on the online application form anyway so I’m not completely at fault here. After the interview I was also emailed a form to complete for security checks, here I was honest, no point in lying now. The real screw up was not being consistent, I hope I don’t encounter the woman on the phone again but this is a place that hires pakis enmasse so it might be fine. It is suspicious also that I’ve almost secured the job within 2 days of applying, that’s far from normal but it ties into their paki hiring policy. Will still keep my guard up.

Booked an interview slot for another job too, that interview takes place after the start date for this job.

Caught a Chansey in Pokemon GO, could be a good omen. It was on my way back from the bank, had to print a statement that showed my address.

No vidya again, just YouTube videos, guess it takes less effort so a regression but it simulates human interaction.

Overate.

Day 1 – Live, Die, Repeat

I woke up before 10am, ate breakfast and turned on my laptop. I then patiently waited until the Metallica pre-sale begun, I then proceeded to purchase 2 tickets. The seats I have are great, if at a later date I decide I no longer wish to attend or can’t find someone to come with me, I’ll have no issues at all selling them on, possibly even for a profit. Not a huge fan of the band, only really like their two biggest songs but it’ll be another character building exercise, I don’t mean in terms of actual personal depth or development but something that will give me more character on paper.

These expenditures are quite significant when I stop to consider them. Instead of concert/theatre/football tickets I could buy multiple holidays or a new top of the range laptop. Doesn’t bear much thinking about now, I do love musicals and I won’t be buying concert tickets again any time soon, though I didn’t plan on buying Metallica tickets until I was sent a marketing email yesterday.

Before noon I started looking for jobs and applied to 6 by the end of the day, only one of them got my excited. They all pay slightly better than my previous job but I feel like they’d be a step down. The first day of applying to jobs is the easiest, they’ll be harder to find tomorrow.

Looking at the bigger picture, it seems I have now been the victim of two great injustices. Both times the real attack was hidden and indirect, not felt until later. I chose to resolve my first arrest quickly by pleading guilty, this resulted in a minuscule £300 fine reflecting the irrelevance of the accusations. This however was not the true sentence, due solely to being convicted I was expelled from university. My character and the circumstances were completely ignored when that decision was made. 3 Years later and history has repeated itself. The court gives me 12 month community supervision order but again this is not the true sentence, it waits 10 months before revealing itself. The work I put in bettering myself over the last two year has been completely dashed and I have no opportunities to move up for around 15 months when the conviction becomes spent.

On the surface of it, I have multiple options on how to proceed but most of those pathways have high barriers. I once said that I only became free after loss, failings and deconstructing myself. I need to regain that mentality, For example, I have no issues with returning to the city of demons to meet with a solicitor in order to push my case forwards but the difficult part is getting into contact with a solicitor to arrange an appointment in the most efficient way, my previous legal firm has not responded to my emails yet.

The new Pokemon, Meltan, isn’t badly designed, just not fitting for a legendary.

Played some YuGiOh online with a trans friend. I got thrashed since I’m not as familiar with the current meta game.

Not played vidya for 2 days in a row now.

Started reading the HunterxHunter manga chapters that haven’t been animated.

An Unexpected Regression

I was told this multiple times but I didn’t want to believe it, unfortunately that wasn’t enough to prevent the worst timeline from coming to pass. I received an email notifying me that I “have not met the minimum security standards required” and hence they cannot offer me employment, it also says this is due to me having an unspent conviction. The nature of the conviction is irrelevant. Naturally since I was never made aware that my criminal record would be an issue during the application or assessment process, I have sent in a complaint, I don’t expect to get the job, I just want an explanation as to why I was strung along for so long when there was no chance of me being hired.

I’ve also contacted my solicitor to get an appeal underway, to clarify, what I’ll be appealing is my conviction. I’ll go all the way to the European high court if I need to. The only reason I didn’t already is because I thought there was no point, I was in a comfortable position, now that it’s having an effect on me, I’ll need to fight for true justice. I’m full time NEET now so this issue that I thought was dead and buried will be revived.

Not told anyone about this, I haven’t fully digested it myself. I think I’m coming out of denial and into anger. Put in an application for Universal Credit but I do still need to hear a rejection from the other job I applied to. So still processing, the full ramifications of what this means have not hit me yet.

I am self aware enough to see that I have now regressed to the point I was at around 2 years ago. It is possible things may now get worse before they get better and better might just mean as good as they were a few months ago. I’m not sure what’s more important, getting a job first or making friends. Neither will come easily or quickly.

Didn’t play any vidya but did go for a 4km walk. Ate an Arizonas burger meal. There were a couple of pakis and a white female in there too, the two pakis asked for “spicy” versions but the white went for a “normal” one. All seemed to around the age of sixth-formers.

Before my day took a dive, I signed up for the Metallica pre-sale. It’s going to be a stadium show so tickets won’t be in short supply but I hope to get good seats. At least now I know I won’t be moving to a new city. Didn’t play any vidya, unless Pokemon GO counts.

No Chansey

I don’t remember what I did yesterday, I played a bit of Yakuza 0 and watched multiple episodes of Naruto. Today I finished watching the canon episodes of Naruto and it was fulfilling, it’s a series I was first introduced to over a decade ago and now having watched it animated, I can tie up that thread, the finale was much better in anime form.

I took a trip to the library to print my coach ticket, on the way back I opened up Pokemon GO and spotted a Chansey some distance away in an unfamiliar part of town, I took the decision to walk over 4km. Probably looked foolish walking around while staring at my phone but I enjoyed mildly physically exerting myself, eventually I cam across a pack of white youths and a paki on the other side of the road to them, I felt there was symbolism here but the strongest emotion was disgust for all I could see. The rare Pokemon had disappeared as I was still 5-10 minutes away from my destination.

On my way home I stopped at a takeaway, it was the one I often visited during my previous period in NEETdom but they had now moved to a new premises. Got a “kobedi on naan”, been over a year since I had one of these, costs about the same as an Arizonas burger meal but this makes me feel less disgusting. The place itself is attempting to be a restaurant now but it was empty, I feel the nasheeds blaring in the background play a part in this.

Had some stimulating discussions on 4chan, ventured off my comfort boards. My 4chan pass got banned again, I was kinda asking for it by calling out the janny.

Vacuumed the floor of my bedroom.

The mask of “chirpiness”

I woke up at 11:15am, ate cereal and showered. Put on my Iron Maiden t-shirt before heading off for my probation appointment. The receptionist remembered my name this time and after 10 minutes of waiting, I was greeted by my original case worker, for some reason he gave me a nickname, a female one. It was random, I don’t know what he meant by it. He smiled, I liked that.

We went into a room, he asked what was going on with me and I mentioned my work situation. He then asked about my homelife and I responded by telling him that several family members have left and I spend most of my time in my room. He said that a 22k/year job was good and was impressed that I was making eye contact, along with coming across much more “chirpy” and less “objectionable” than in previous meetings. I observed that I hadn’t been given anything to object to. Finally I was asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about, I said not and that was it, wrapped up in under 5 minutes. We then proceeded to book an appointment for next month, I fiddled with my phone a bit, opening the wrong app twice before correctly opening the calendar. That was the highlight of my day and now it’s over, I even told him as much, that I was upbeat because I was out of the house and talking to someone different but it didn’t lead anywhere, he didn’t ask about my Iron Maiden t-shirt either.

At home I ate chicken and played Yakuza 0. I thought I might incorporate this as part of my identity and go onto playing all the games in the series but I don’t enjoy it enough and it appears time consuming. It’s finally dawning on me that building up my trophy list is not the best way to spend my time and craft an identity.

Set my status on PSN as “appear offline” so quirky guy can’t see how pathetic I am.

I’m watching YouTube videos instead of exploring newer, richer media since it’s faster to access.

Tomorrow could be a trigger

I didn’t leave the house yesterday or today. Not playing vidya either, not sure where the time is going. Almost finished watching all the canon episodes of the Naruto anime, less than 7 hours remaining. Might start playing the Yakuza series since I failed to find anything else to fill my time with.

Naturally, I also overate. Started making peanut butter sandwiches part of my diet.

Finished reading my DragonBall manga, the Buu saga is poorer than I remember.

I watched some football in the background. I’ve decided I’m not really a a fan so I won’t be attending any more games. I’ve got a ticket for one more game but won’t use it. It’s something familiar I can put on in the background to be comfy.

Hoping my appointment with my caseworker tomorrow will be refreshing. I never got a time, just a date, so will turn up at noon. Might just request that I do some unpaid work to get me out of the house.

Still can’t get to bed before 2am or wake up before 1pm. There’s a link but it’s a vicious cycle.

The day is approaching

Today was not the day either, the magic moment where the world shifts did not occur. I woke up at 1pm and watched a few musicals, the NBC production of “Jesus Chris Superstar”, it was disappointing and the FOX production of Rocky Horror, it was crap. While doing this I was posting on 4chan and getting some social interaction. Watched “WWE Hell in a Cell”, I don’t think I find wrestling interesting anymore.

At around 6pm I went outside, my plan was to buy more Coke Zero from ASDA but when I opened up Pokemon GO, I spotted a Chansey so set off for the town centre, it didn’t take long to get there but when I did I saw some youths and a large unleashed dog. Thought it safer to dodge the area and do a complete 180 turn. At ASDA I picked up my drinks and doughnuts.

Not sure where the time went when I got back home, watched YouTube videos again but that doesn’t account for 6 hours that have mostly vanished from my memory.

I’ve booked my coach ticket for my trip to London to watch a play. It’ll be my first time seeing Buckingham Palace but that’s not a big deal to me, I just want to see the play.