My cousin got married recently, first there was a family get together, one of my sister’s texted me about it, no one bothered to tell me she was even getting married. It was a nice little event and I made some decent attempts to have conversation, the problem that limits me is that when it’s just my family around I can go on rants about race but when my brother’s wife, sister’s husband and cousins fiance are about, I’m expected to behave. I suppose the conversational highlight for me was when I brought up my business idea, they didn’t like it but it got engagement.
The actual wedding was a nice enough day on the surface but I resented my sister’s husband for being a main character, everyone loves him, he was very helpful and the centre of attention, he was also pleasant to me. I spent the day sitting at the back, waiting for the clock to tick down and insulting my dad, I spent some time chatting to my uncle who too was sidelined. It would have been fine if the group was larger but we were fragmented into those getting involved and those not. There was dancing at the end of the night, I always get jealous seeing them, I wish I could dance but no one in my family ever has, there seems to be a class divide in the Pakistani community, those that dance and those that don’t. My family believes that the lower Pakistanis dance or at least that was the case, it seems once again, we have been left behind.
I was tired at the end of the wedding, I wanted to go home, I had worked last night and not gotten any sleep, but it seems we were instead having a get together for my cousin at another cousin’s house. I was not in a good mood but I did try, I really did try to make and get involved in conversation, my attempts were all busts though, the worst one was when I was really reaching, there was a woman with an expensive Gucci purse at the wedding and I asked the groom who on his family earns so much money to buy that and the response from everyone was that it’s not that big of a deal. My brother was there too, I get along well with him, he understands me, he has tolerances for me, I saw him outside bringing gift hampers in to the house from his car, after we all saw him through the window, I joked that we should wait for him to get into the house and ask if there’s more he needs help with but he stopped at the entrance and went back and then I joked haha I guess there’s one more but then we he went back the third time and I made the joke again my sister got mad at me, told me to help and I said “Why don’t you fucking help”, she explained why she couldn’t and it momentarily killed the mood, my sister’s husband and my brother’s wife were clearly mad at me. When my brother got back in, I did my joke about how we would have helped and he made a joke in return, why can’t everyone be like him? After another hour or two, my mother suggested I go home and my brother offered to give me a lift since it was raining.
Work stuff is fine and uneventful, I’ve almost hit the 2 year mark where they can’t fire me, I also got my payslips and have a house viewing on Tuesday, I think it’s the one, I went to see another earlier in the week but was out off my the amount of work required to make it liveable, my other uncle suggests I get a cheaper house and spend the £20k+ fixing the place up how I want.
Yesterday at work, on the way home I saw a guy looking for the “reception” it was his first day and that’s where he was told to go, we don’t really have a reception so instead I asked if he had a name, someone he was meant to meet, I tried to help finding the guy until he gave me an alternate name “Alan” I went to guy who worked in the department and asked if he could help, he could but then I realised me mistake, the man hadn’t said “Alan”, he said “Adam” and that was the name of the guy who I brought him too, a very nice guy who spoke to me before, now he thinks I don’t know his name.
As far as video games go, I played “The Devil in Me” and enjoyed it, I bought The Quarry but had to immediately sell it because it’s coming onto Playstation Extra next week, I also made about a £5 profit buying a bundle of games and selling them separately. I do not recommend One Piece Odyssey.
My plans for the future are to buy a house and go from there, once I have my own place I can start my own business, sing, learn to dance and everything else.
Human Garbage 