Back to the grind tomorrow

On the night of my last entry, Wednesday, I went to Sainsbury’s. As usual there were few people in the store at this time and around half were not wearing masks. This was massively frustrating, yes, they were all Pakistani. I slammed my basket down at the self checkout and on my way out approached the Afghan security guard and sarcastically quipped “so after 6pm, do people not need to wear masks anymore?”, he asked me to step back, I refused, he got mad as I pointed out people right in front of him without a mask, he said “what did you just call me?” and threatened to knock me the fuck out, realising I wasn’t getting anywhere with this monkey, I left and complained about him, I did throw some barbs on my way out though, telling him he was shit at his job and flipping the bird.

The rest of my time was spent playing “Persona 5: Strikers”, it was pretty much from the time I got up until I went to sleep, I’ve finished the story and I’m now just grinding levels for the platinum trophy which will take a few more hours. I feel I really wasted this week off. My diet has been awful, lots of Doritos and dip. Lots of double meals.

The worst news is that I have burned the lower half of my stomach, the skin has been darkened and in some areas the skin has been removed entirely leaving the bright pink surface beneath exposed, there are multiple patches such as those, I look like a leopard. These burns are likely a result of my hot water bottle, I often pressed the boiling bottle against my chest even though it brought me pain as it felt good momentarily. I need to use bio oil to sort this, I don’t think I’ve ever been as insecure about my body in recent memory as right now.

My dad gave me a call and insisted on giving me a ride to my new job for the first week, I accepted, I wouldn’t want to risk running late on the first week. I am suspicious though and rightfully so but will just hold my ground when he pushes.

Strikers

I am now pretty much done with working at the call centre I have lent my services to over the last year, I worked the weekend but did the absolute bare minimum, less even. I was a little hostile to customers and felt bad because they were still very nice to me, I was just riled because they interrupted my playing Hearthstone. On a couple of occasions, I couldn’t be bothered to do things properly so just gave people refunds or promised that they could have one. I got to talk to the WoW woman again, we were on shift those last two days, she was finishing for info, I have out a little to make her jealous of my new job, I’m glad that she’s still suffering here.

A week of holidays have been booked to take the edge off starting my new job, there’s a lengthy series of forms to fill out, I’ve completed the bulk of them, I’ve also completed the census where I officially declared my gender identity. I am a little concerned that on the medical questionnaire for work, I had to declare that I suffered from depression, hopefully this won’t rule me out of working night shifts. Most of my time off has been spent playing “Persona 5: Strikers”, still on the PS4, rumour has it that Amazon will release another 5000+ units for sale next week but by then I may have finished the game.

My mother did another food drop and delivered my post, she doesn’t want me to come back home, it doesn’t seem that long ago that that was all she wanted. My sister was the one that drove her here, I met them in the care while wearing my onesie, I could see a clear look of disgust in my sisters face. The streets were empty, I don’t understand why she would be embarrassed.

This Finnish boy who I have adopted online is doing his exams this month, I am very concerned for him as the Finnish school system appears to be quite the pressure cooker, not too dissimilar to East Asian countries.

Only a few more days to go

Since my last entry, I have achieved 2 platinum trophies. The first was for Control, the second was “South Park: Stick of Truth”, I’ve played it before but due to watching South Park episodes while working, I felt like playing it again.

My attempts to secure a PS5 have yielded failure as usual, I’m not overly stressed about it, I’m sure that I will have one eventually.

The situation at work is deteriorating, I’m glad to be getting out, it’s turning into every other call centre ever, maybe not in terms of workload but I don’t like how overbearing the managers have become, I can’t be too lazy as it makes more work for my colleagues. I’m sure others feel the same way, multiple people from my team called in sick today.

My diet is a disaster, I buy meals that are supposed to last 4 days but they disappear within 2. One change is that I’ve started buying ice cream, it’s on sale and it’s nice to consume something different.

I’m hoping to travel to Snowdonia when it’s possible to travel again.

Playing with the big boys now

My very hectic work schedule has made it difficult for me to update more regularly, I was working 2:30pm to 11pm, the powers that be have gradually made the job less chill which reinforces my decision to leave. At first, we didn’t need to start actually speaking to customers until 8pm, then it was 6pm and now we’re being asked to speak to customers as early as 4pm this is on top of sending outbound emails regarding delays.

On the Tuesday, I had my follow up interview where I met with the night team manager, it was quick, he is a big local sounding guy, I instantly felt a familiarity with him. I spoke openly and was regularly praised for how “confident” I came across, it was also said one that they could see how much I wanted it (desperate). I felt massively positive coming out of the interview, really felt on cloud 9, I knew I’d gotten the job and as they said in the interview, I felt confident. I received a call confirming as much later that very same day.

I am aware of feedback asking for no update on games I recently played but I have sunk quite a bit of time into catching up on free PS Plus games, I played through “Shadow of the Tomb Raider” and “Control”, both aren’t amazing and I wouldn’t have paid for them but I have had fun with. I would love to have a PS5 right now and be able to enjoy the games without the loud fan, the most I’ve been able to manage is placing the console onto 2 books so it’s elevated and dissipates heat better.

I’ve handed in my notice at work, did it the same day the job was confirmed, it’s 4 weeks notice but the jobs starts in 3 (they wanted me ASAP but were willing to wait), I’ll be calling in sick the last week of my notice period. I’m really going to enjoy being massively lazy during my last few days. I might even actively sabotage things.

Regarding requested updates, my sister recently started playing a £25 horror video game on Steam, I didn’t even know she knew what Steam was. I don’t have any new info on my brother and I do not currently have Grindr installed. My Swedish e-bf though has left my Discord group and started cheating on me with a young cis female.

Not sure what I want or where this is going

I woke up extra early to prepare for my interview, I dressed and researched the company some more. I set off earlier than I needed to and arrived around an hour early but luckily I was in desperate need of a bathroom so I took a detour to a supermarket. I arrived at the actual facility with just over 30 minutes to spare, I couldn’t find the reception so I screamed at a nearby forklift driving, he finished speaking to a colleague before driving over to me, I was a bit embarrassed because I kept shouting at him while he was talking to the colleague, I wasn’t sure if he was done speaking to him or not. He took me in and I waited to be interviewed.

It was a woman from HR and a man who was the manager of the department, they seemed unenthusiastic and wore masks throughout, I answered the questions with buzzwords as I think you’re supposed to, I said I was a teamplayer and all that jazz. I asked a few questions about workload and what the work would actually entail, it sounds like the job will not reflect the advert at all and will mostly involve scanning documents. They also seemed as though they couldn’t get me out of the interview room quickly enough. I assumed I wouldn’t be getting the job and was OK with that, it took over an hour to travel to and the people working there are quite stuffy compared to the chilled out call centre environments I’m used to. The only plus side is that it pays more than I’ve ever been paid before.

The next day I got a call back and I’ve been invited to the second interview, one with the team leader of the night team. I’ve kept the 3 co-workers I’m closest to up to date on all this and even mentioned my interview to my manager so I’m pretty boxed in now, I would be massively embarrassed if I didn’t secure the job. I’ve also started slacking, I told a customer yesterday that their son would be able to collect the package from the local delivery office using their own ID. In general though, work has continued to be very quiet, barely qualifying for work at all, I can continue to do this for a while and I’m in no rush to leave.

I’ve been overeated, the diet keeps “starting tomorrow”, I made an account on Deliveroo and got £10 off two boxes of Oodles Noodles. I lasted weighed in at 11 stone and 8 pounds though I haven’t been to the bathroom in over a week.

I washed my clothes for the firs time in 2 months, the washing machines in the building always seem to be out of order. I spent 2 hours and £8 on the dryer but my clothes are still wet.

The fire alarm is currently going off but I can’t be bothered to leave the building. If there is no new update, you will know why.

On the Cusp

Since my last entry I have worked my final night shifts at the contact centre, they were uneventful but I have told my colleagues that I have begun applying for new jobs, they haven’t yet begun applying, presumably because they feel the same lethargy.

During my days off, I was fortunate enough to receive a call back from one of the jobs I applied to, I passed the phone interview and have been invited to a face to face interview on Thursday. I am choosing to present as male for the interview due to discrimination against trans people when it comes to job opportunities, I needed a suit so went to my parents home to grab the one I own. I saw my brother in the street and shouted “paki, paki, paki” at him in a joking way, he smiled instead of being offended, I regret my actions, it was a very stupid thing to do.

When I got it, my mother and sister immediately warned me not to say anything stupid. My mother also refused to let me take the suit as there was a burn on the knee from an iron. So, my brother gave me one of his fancy ones instead. It turns out my family were planning on dropping food off to me later that day anyway, so it was good timing, I went home with a fancy suit and a bowl of, what I now know to be “chicken savoury”, rice.

My E & AA supplies arrived very quickly given the pandemic, even faster than usual, plus I wasn’t asked to pay a customs fee.

Turns out the notice period for my current job is 4 weeks, I’ll need to be creative with booking holidays to get around it as the job I’m interviewing for wants to “move quickly”.

I’ve worked one day on my new rota/shift pattern, it was actually quite pleasant, working only 7 and a half hours (when you consider breaks), while it’s warm and sunny, half the shift I am not even taking customer interactions as I am instead sending outbound emails to customers. The weather is great, it’s really picking up my mood, it reminds me of better times. Though one concern is that my wardrobe is focused around cooler weather, I also look better with more clothing, it flatters my figure.