A lack of attention

This entry will cover 3 days and I’m going to kick off with some good news, my flat application has been completely successful, the reference checks etc are all clear, just need to drop around £900 in first month’s rent plus security deposit, I think that’s what it was, haven’t actually deposited it yet, I can leave it a while since the estate agent agreed to push back my move in date by 2 weeks.

The only issues I’ve run into is using this tool that helps me set everything up when I move, it couldn’t find my address and doesn’t know who the local water authority is. I’ve dropped and email to the council letting then know I’ll be moving in, need to setup electricity and get my broadband moved over. There’s plenty of time ahead of me, so that should all be fine.

I started working from home and the first shift was a nightmare, the big guy was MIA and the African is still claiming Caronabux, it was just me and for the first half the shift the Koreaboo was doing overtime. The VPN wasn’t working so doing anything was a massive pain but after 4 hours it was fixed. I was then on my own but did pretty much everything, not quite but I did a massive chunk of work. Didn’t gelt any praise for it, no one cared.

The second shift saw more people in, my manager called me up and was chatted for 7 minutes, it was fun though my mum overheard and said I sounded very rude and like I wanted to attack him. I later learned that on the same night he had a 30 minute call with the Koreaboo, he also called him up first. Work itself was much better, there was a quiet patch and throughout the night I had “Better Call Saul” on in the background, I’m onto the 5th season.

The last shift saw the return of the African and he was being his usual incompetent self, asked people on webchat to call in because either he was lazy or incompetent.

My manager called up everyone, had 5-15 minute calls with my 3 co-workers and then around 4 hours after he called the last of them, he got around to me, I asked what he wanted and he joked about checking that I wasn’t asleep, he then hung up, the call lasted less than a minute. I then went on the workplace chat and called him chubby. I generally avoid attacking people’s physical attributes but I wanted to upset him this time.

My father has installed a new medicine cabinet in the bathroom, it’s good, perhaps one of the best things he’s ever done.

A change of scene is coming

I spent the rest of my time off work by playing Pokemon Shield. It’s quite addictive and I greatly enjoy the technical improvements, I’ve already spent £20 pre-ordering the season pass. After the lockdown was announced on Monday night, I went out on Tuesday morning to buy some food, mostly hummus but also energy drinks. ASDA was less crowded than it was the previous week when everyone was panic buying.

I learned my sister (youngest) is in a relationship that my family do not approve of, my father is going berserk and has said some terrible things. He then started painting and removing the medicine cabinet from the bathroom. He wants me to cut ties with her, I’d sooner cut (ties with) him.

Today I boarded an empty train to work and walked the empty streets to the office, though they were not quite as empty as they should have been. The streets somehow looked cleaner.

When I went in, I learned that everyone would be working from home come tomorrow. I was given a large amount of kit, a Chromebook, a monitor, keyboard, wireless mouse etc. I was quickly shown how to set it all up though the VPN wasn’t working, I was told it would be sorted, I don’t know how since I won’t be in but I’ll just have to trust. As for the working part of the day, it was just me and the taxidermy woman, the big guy wasn’t in. We bitched a lot about the bad habits of our co-workers, it was really therapeutic and I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels this way.

My work paid for a taxi home. The Pakistani driver was very interested in me, said he thought I was a woman (from a distance).

At home, it took me 45 minutes to setup everything. I then visited my local branch, the site was ridiculous, I just wanted to print off a statement so I could find my account number, I needed this to transfer some money into it but I was refused entry despite queuing for 20 minutes, everyone was standing 2 metres apart due to social distancing guidelines. Apparently my needs were not “essential services”, I swore at the staff member and then almost cried when explaining how unreasonable he was being to the police. Back at home, i checked my balance and found my pay had entered my account, so I’d have enough to pay off my credit card bill for the month.

Chatted with my sister over Whatsapp, it’s the most we’ve spoken in months, she’s interested in my new flat and wants to help me move.

They're the boring ones

My final shift of the period was unpleasant. It was just me, my manager, the WoW woman and the Koreaboo. It played out as it usually has been these last few days with the WoW woman and Koreaboo chatting amongst themselves. My manager was silent, he was getting on with his own work, I suppose.

For the first time since working here, the Koreaboo starting a conversation with me, I said my piece and got very excited to talk for a short while, I even interjected a short while later because even though I wasn’t being spoken to directly, I felt like I was part of the conversation. I later felt pathetic for engaging these people at all, they still only spoke to me out of pity and do not genuinely enjoy chatting with me. It’s painful and the next time either of them attempt it, I’m just going to say “You don’t need to talk to me, I’m happy just listening to my podcasts”. I’m not trying to be rude, I genuinely don’t want their pity and it’s a hassle for everyone to make the effort.

Towards the end of the shift, both me and the Koreaboo were taking webchats but I took more than the Koreaboo due to him being lazy. I think what I’ll be doing regarding this is becoming just as lazy, when webchats come through, it’s like a game of chicken, I always give in because I think stats matter, I care that queries are dealt with but I don’t care anymore and it will be upto others to either pick up the slack or expose themselves as lazy cunts. Might even take early breaks during the busy periods just to make everyone work a bit harder, I’ve already started doing this by never covering for anyone. Another strategy might be to work slow on webchat, which will force someone else to get involved and take some, thereby minimising my workload and increasing someone elses.

It took me days to let go of most of the hatred I’m feeling, it enveloped all my waking thoughts until Sunday afternoon.

Magic the Gathering at local stores has been cancelled, as have theatre events for the next months. I went to sleep around 4pm on Friday and I slept much of Saturday away too, I woke up just before 8pm to do my weekly radio show.

The Sunday wasn’t much to brag about, I started playing Pokemon Shield, I regret not starting it earlier since it seems I’ve missed out on some Pokemon forms. I watched some more “Better Call Saul” and made a trip outside to collect more expensive glasses from the collection point but the store was completely shut. It was warm today, I forgot what it was like to sweat outdoors. My dad couldn’t find any space to pray so he did so in my bedroom.

1 personality, please

I went to sleep around 10am yesterday and woke up around 6:30pm, I needed a little extra sleep. I’m still not taking any precautions when it comes to avoiding the virus, as I plodded along to work, I noticed the streets were somewhat emptier than they were earlier in the month. Even the gangs outside one of the fast food establishments had thinned.

The trainer guy was hanging around, hadn’t seen him in a while, he told me that I was quieter than usual, I heard this before from a manager too. It’s surprising, I thought they were all complaining about my behaviour but now that character is missed? It’s almost as if people prefer it if you’re a loud bitch rather than a wallflower.

I interacted with two guys from my training group at the start and end of my shift. They were brief but at least people exist that I’m not entirely invisible.

For the bulk of the shift, I didn’t initiate any conversations with the Koreaboo or WoW woman, the WoW woman did try talking to me a few times, I responded as I normally would, by that I mean, I spoke as cautiously and tamely as I would with someone new that I didn’t know or have anything in common with, struggling to carry a conversation, considering it a success if I manage to do enough to seem nice and normal to the other person.

WoW woman is nice and I appreciate her efforts, as I’ve said before but we sit on opposite sides of the desk, out computers are in front of our faces, so it’s hard to communicate. I can also hear her conversations with the Koreaboo and it’s clear that any conversation she has with me is out of pity, why speak to me, when you can speak to someone you actually enjoy speaking to?

I spent the 12 hours listening to podcasts, I discovered one called “Revolutions”, it discusses historical events in painstaking detail. There’s content enough to last months.

I could still speak to my manager I suppose but I feel that might come across as pathetic on my part. It should be noted, he gave me access to that system. He had requested login details for me DURING the last shift but never said anything, I received them at the start of this one, he didn’t say anything about this at all. I thanked him over chat but I don’t understand why he did this. He could have just said he would and avoided all the drama yesterday or perhaps he did this since he could see how much it upset me but now I’ve let him down by continuing to be a misery guts.

On the other hand, I heard him talking to the Koreaboo about taking on new responsibilities. He’s not even been here 2 months and from the emails of his that I’ve seen, he’s not even good at this job, his workrate is also really poor. Today he took 1 call. I don’t understand why he seems to be valued moreso than me. I’ve done everything that’s been asked of me and done so competently. To be fair, in regards to one of the responsibilities, my manager was planning on teaching me months ago but then abruptly seemed to remember something and said that I couldn’t (as in, not having the facility to, that’s how I read it).

The WoW woman got on my nerves because she’s still doing the thing where she prevents emails from coming through to her.

The African is staying off work for a week, he’s blaming the virus. He’s lying, just wants time off.

I haven’t heard back from the estate agent despite transferring a holding deposit.

I took a trip to ASDA before going to bed, it was busier than I remember, the store wasn’t too crowded that it was difficult to move through, there were empty shelves but more full ones. The self-checkout took around 10 minutes to get through.

Leaper

Monday was a busy day at work, I took over 10 calls over a period of around 2 hours, that’s sometimes more than I’ll do in an entire week. It was because I only had to people in with me, they were both busy with webchats. The big guy and the taxidermy woman. I was tempted to stop taking calls at one point because I thought she was dodging calls too but I didn’t as I could see I was most likely wrong.

When things quietened down, we chatted about celebrity crushes, mine was Jeffery Dean Morgan, the taxidermy woman then went through the AEW roster and asked who I found attractive, the big guy did the same with football players. My type was “daddies”, I like big older guys who’re a bit mean. I admitted to liking my managers qualities. It was interesting to hear the two of them liked feet though, I guess it’s a mainstream fetish now.

I got home and stayed up for 3 hours so I could travel to a flat viewing, it didn’t take long to get there. I sent a text to the estate agent and she opened the door to the building for me, She was older and helpful enough, we took a look around and I was mildly impressed, the place wasn’t quite as nice as the picture, it looked a bit “worn out”, the colours faded but it wasn’t disgusting. I could definitely get comfortable here. I asked my dull pre-prepared questions, I didn’t get an answer to some such as the council tax band and I forgot to check where the plug sockets were all located but after I was told that one other person was interested, I had to jump on it. So when I got home, I completed my application and sent a holding deposit. It took over an hour due to issues with my online banking, the customer services team was excellent though. I’m currently still waiting for the form I need to complete for the reference/credit checks.

I got around 3 hours of real sleep before having to wake up for my next shift, my manager, the African and the big guy were in. I was still unhappy about not having login details for the system I mentioned in a previous entry, I kicked up quite the fuss about it and kept swearing at my manager, he got quite upset and said I could shut up or go home, he later gave me the option of moving to the other side of the office, which I accepted. I was on my own, couldn’t hear anyone elses discussions (though from what I could tell they were mostly sitting in silence) and with the privacy, I did what my colleagues did, use the internet to browse non-work related website such as as 4chan, I only went on a blue board though. Throughout the night, I didn’t help with anything, I left it to the rest to pick up the slack, maybe I’ll be appreciated a bit more then.

An hour before people on the morning shift arrived, my manager asked me to move back. I did so, slowly. He didn’t want to have to explain what happened. I might have a foul, abusive mouth but so does he.

When I got home, I checked my email and still didn’t have a response from the estate agent. I’m become more concerned about Corona Virus but due to my poor hygiene, I probably already have it.

Dodging the Virus

My 4 days off were unremarkable, I naturally overate and overslept. As I won an £8 meal at work, I bought myself £13 worth of Pizzas and will be claiming the money back against them.

I mostly sat in my bed while listening to YouTube videos and finishing “Pokemon: Let’s GO Pikachu”, I really feel this game was a disappointment and a major step down from previous entries in the series. After this, I started “Shadow of the Colossus”, it’s pretty neat.

On the Saturday, I studied how to stream a radio show to YouTube and when I was ready, I began broadcasting. I was originally supposed to do it the day before but I slept too long and really disappointed a friend. At first, I was on my own, I called in a friend and then the one who I let down the previous day and a guest. There were 4 of us on there having a friendly chat, it was a pleasant experience and I hope it brought joy to our listeners.

I arranged a flat viewing for Tuesday, the place is pretty much perfect.

I think it’s fair to spend most my time at home with the Corona Virus going around.

non-mutual feelings

My final night shift before my 4 days off was a little different to usual, it was just me, the WoW woman and Koreaboo. Early on, I kept to myself but after 2 hours or so, the Koreaboo asked me for a link to the rota, I gave it to him. I was offended that he only spoke to me because he wanted something from me. I had to respond to him, he directly asked me a questions.

The WoW woman then asked me how my weekend was, I said as little as possible, that I didn’t do anything, she followed up by asking if I went out. I said no, she was surprised and then started to tell me about her weekend, I didn’t reply at all. She muttered something offensive under her breath, I heard what it was but can’t remember what. I got on with my work at a fair pace, I kept track of what everyone else was doing and tried to avoid doing too much but this was unavoidable at times because the Koreaboo would leave emails in his queue for over an hour and the WoW woman used a trick to stop any new ones coming through to her.

At close to 4am, the WoW woman decided to bring up a work related topic with me, she asked if I’d spoken to a customer and then that same customer called the Koreaboo, there was light discussion around the topic but I wasn’t my usual energetic bubbly self. The previous day, I overheard that the Koreaboos wife was being forcibly deported back to South Korea by the Korean government, as they wanted to avoid liability in case she gets sick. The WoW women decided to draw me into conversation by bringing up this topic with me, I became a bit more lively but my commentary wasn’t anything unique. The only other topic was Japan. It was all very milktoast, while polite, I didn’t really want to be talking to them though I appreciate their efforts, a little.

Got annoyed by a couple of things, the cleaner who comes in late at night asked the Koreaboo what to do with some objects he found, hate that he assumed the white guy in the corner was the boss even though I am the only one that normally bothers to speak to him. Also didn’t appreciate being asked if I was aware how many points our team was on by the WoW woman, she should know I don’t have access to the document that she (and possibly the Koreaboo) does.

I suppose their intentions are good here, they’re not bearing a grudge against me, they’re showing pity but I no longer wish to interact with/befriend them, not necessarily in a cruel or dismissive way. It’s just that we don’t have much in common and aren’t compatible, any conversations we might have are forced and therefore painful/challenging for me. I am also possibly resentful towards them as previously mentioned.

The Koreaboo was praised for his work despite my receiving several of the very few emails he did where he asks customers for additional DPA instead of dealing with their queries. Annoyed that he pushed work onto me.

Think I might try buying a little toy or something to play with at my desk, I like fiddling with things.

I’m starting a radio show, got most of the groundwork down, just trying find a co-host and guests.

Sweet Solitude

My first night shift on Sunday was quiet, me, my manager, the big guy and the taxidermy woman. There was spontaneous chatter, not too much, not too little. The taxidermy woman and I discussed the AEW Revolution show, we had several contradicting opinions.

The Monday, saw me with my manager, the big guy and the African. Didn’t exchange any words with the African. The big guy and I discussed superhero films, we had contradicting opinions but I didn’t want to argue with him again, so I was as diplomatic as possible. His favourite Spider-man is “Spider-man 3” and his favourire Batman is “The Dark Knight RISES”, also likes “Batman vs Superman”. We also spoke about which men in the office I’d be willing to perform oral sex on and which women he would. Towards the end of my shift, my manager spoke privately to the African. The African presumably complained about me afterwards for using the word “blowjob” while he was reading his Qu’ran. It was a short chat, just for appearances sake, could’ve dragged it out longer but I wanted to leave.

The Tuesday was not a nice day, it was me, my manager, the African, the Koreaboo and the WoW woman. I didn’t talk to anyone, all day. My manager tried a “hack” on the vending machine and got some M&M mini Easter eggs, he gave the bag to me, I offered them to the African but he scowled and declined. I kept to myself and listened to various podcasts, none of them too interesting but I preferred them as background noise to the WoW woman and Koreaboos dull conversations. Listening to them was quite enlightening, I wonder if that’s how I sound when I try carrying a conversation? Standing back and looking in, I could see how boring it was, I wouldn’t want to willingly take part in that. I adjusted me computer screens and seating so that I wouldn’t have to see the faces of any of my co-workers. I finally appreciate being isolated from everyone else.

I don’t want to be to sour, I’m sure they get on and enjoy each others company, they interact outside work afterall. He spoke as if he was quite familiar with the taxidermy woman, even though when I spoke to her last she forgot his name. The only person I feel I really get on with is the big guy but his friend is starting work here soon. There’s a new possibly Pakistani guy starting at the same time too, I guess I could befriend him though I hear he’s near 40 years old.

The Koreaboo made no attempt at all to talk to me, quite the slap in the face since I made several over the last month to either talk to him or pull him into a conversation. There’s also the fact I gave him a birthday gift, guess my first impressions of him were right, he just doesn’t like me and doesn’t see me as an equal or someone worth being social with just for the sake of it. Maybe he also sees no value in interacting with me, I don’t know but clearly he doesn’t feel I’m worth his time and that I’m beneath him.

The WoW woman made 2 attempts to draw me into conversation, once when asking my star sign, I shouted “CANCER”, then when talking to the Koreaboo about Japan, she said that I also wanted to visit. The Koreaboo hates Japan.

I overheard some bits of conversation, I like gossip. The Koreaboo is trying to get another job, so hopefully should be leaving soon. His wife is being told to return to South Korea. My manager is going on Holiday for several weeks in May/June. The African did a lot of complaining as usual despite not doing very much and removed himself for the call queues, I didn’t bother snitching this time.

I’m upset about a couple of things, I don’t have access to a particular system but it seems everyone else does. I also don’t like that the Koreaboo got to do the “handover” report once yet I have never been shown it. I don’t like that I appear to be less valued than him. Also don’t like that he can visit non-work related websites seemingly with impunity on his computer but I get told off for it.

Near the end of my shift, my manager took me to a room and asked what was up. He did try earlier on during my break but I said that I’m on my break to get away from him and he left. This time, I insisted everything was fine, he kept pushing, asked some variations of the question, I went with a half truth, that conversation is difficult for me, it’s work, I just do it because you have to be social occasionally, that’s the norm. I simply didn’t feel like making an effort today, He must find it hard to believe me since I’m always usually loud and have something to say. He said he didn’t like it when I was too quiet. I kept pushing to leave the room after insisting that I was fine some more but that I would be quiet again tomorrow.

Do I have any friends?

My 4 days off work have been highly uneventful, I’ve started playing “Pokemon Let’s GO Pikachu”, I’m missing one Pokemon from my national dex and need to play the game to get it, it’s Melmetal and requires transferring Pokemon between the the Switch game and Pokemon GO weekly.

I tried streaming some Crash Bandicoot but spent over an hour trying to get passed one level and failed. I left home to make visit to the chip shop again, I gave the owner a £10 note and bought a large portion of chips along with a cod, I told him to keep the change.

A few details I forgot to mention from the previous entry were telling the African “It was nice knowing you” when started insulting me regarding me staying in this job and him moving on. In response, the WoW woman asked if I had any friends.

Exposed (again)

I got less sleep than I needed and then heading into work, there were 3 other people in today, the African, WoW woman and the Koreaboo. The first few hours were quiet, for me anyway, the Koreaboo and WoW woman are facebook friends so talk to each other outside of work and sit next to each other so they have their own thing going on. The African has been refusing to talk to since the whole “gay” thing.

At around 2am, I asked when the Koreaboo’s birthday was, I remember it being early March, it was soon but I wouldn’t be around then so I handed him the present I bought, he and the WoW woman were surprised, she called it “cute”. Their response was interesting, she “quietly” suggested to him that he get out his Harry Potter trivial pursuit game and include me. I was asked a few questions and had fun for an hour or so before taking my lunch break but I’m not sure if I should be flattered or offended? I made an effort so in response they did but on the other hand, they only made the effort here because they felt obligated to due to my actions.

I took some screenshots of my co-workers going “off-queue”, at the start of the shift, the African did so for 15 minutes in order to talk to people on the late shift about how he had requested to quit yesterday. He’ll be leaving once his 6 month contract is up, it’s in writing so set in stone, I doubt management are sad to see him go given the headaches he was causing by demanding holidays. I took a couple of screenshots of the Koreaboo too but didn’t email them onto my manager, at the end of my shift my manager told over chat that he’d speak to the African.

Things were going pretty smoothly, there was one hiccup when a woman asked the Koreaboo for a refund over webchat but he refused, she then asked to call in, the call came through to me, I took ownership and refunded her. The others gave me grief for this, none of them respecting the fact that I dealt with a difficult person and they didn’t. It was literally clear sailing again until the last 10 minutes.

Throughout the night, the African was suggesting their was a rat on the night team and then when he suggested I wasn’t doing enough work, I pointed out his flaws, the flaws were similar to those that had been repeated back to him by our manager, so he started putting the pieces together and almost figured out that I was the one snitching on his lazy ass. Before he could though, I just admitted it, but to make it not look personal, I said that I had also snitched on everyone else, in a jokey way.

The WoW woman didn’t take this well and swore vengeance, she seemed determined as if she had dirt on me already and a superior method of getting it to have an effect. I am concerned, she’s also somewhat internet savvy. Both her and the African accused me of taking this job seriously while they just considered it a stop-gap. I told them they were wrong but they didn’t take on board my explanation that we’re a team and their behaviour makes more work for other people. The Koreaboo wasn’t paying attention but the WoW woman was trying to rally him. I said I didn’t want to use derogatory terms for the African, so avoided calling him lazy and instead went with “has poor work ethic”.

I believe the African thinks I’m responsible for his probation being extended and all the other problems he’s had but that’s just not true. He let me know that the big guy from my other shifts told him that I’d been talking smack behind his back. My retort was reminding him how he said we’re not friends after I told him I was gay. It was pretty tedious, I cared a lot less about him than he thought. His final contribution to the conversation was promising his own revenge, he made a note of the customer I refunded earlier, he doesn’t understand that my problem is with laziness (peoples intentions), not the quality of their work, quality doesn’t affect me but people passing work onto me does. Not surprising though, the way he was with my manager yesterday, it was like his first day on the job. He seemed very confident but based on my observations of him, I shouldn’t be concerned.

I hung back and let everyone else leave first. The 3 that were in today will presumably pass this info onto my other 2 co-workers. The only move I can think of is “owning it” again by holding my hands up but this time being even more clear about why I snitched. I think I’m going to be forced out of this job and should probably look for something else, it’s not like I have a good relationship with my manager but he’s leaving in September, so I’ll be completely isolated by then.

When I got home, I stayed up and collected my new glasses from the UPS access point, haven’t opened them yet though. I stayed up a while and then put on a glycolic face peel and went to bed. I slept for around 20 hours to fix my sleep pattern. I woke up in time for my dentist appointment, I got a filling and my lip/nose was numb for 2 hours afterwards. I started eating after 5 hours, this included a “chips and chutney” from the chip shop, it’s closing down, there’s a sign that says it’s for sale, the owner is very nice so I feel bad. Turns out the £2 coin I used was a Turkish Lira, not sure where I got it from, some shop ripped me off. I didn’t have enough cash, I said I’d leave the food here and come back in a few minutes but he insisted I take the food and pay next time, he trusted me, we shook hands a lot.

I’ll have to come back tomorrow and order a large meal to show my thanks. The chips were of poor quality, I doubt their freshness, no wonder he’s going bust. I watched a couple of episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

A counsellor once suggested CAT, I might give that a go, it seems I see enemies everywhere.