aaaaaaand…. it’s a miss

I’m midway through my shifts at work, I didn’t receive an email response to the report I sent last entry but myself and every other member of staff received a call from the Customer Services Operations Manager, this is one step above the head of the call centre who I emailed. She has been calling every member of the night team individually to give them some news.

She told me that she read my email and thanked me for it, nothing further. She was quite jovial. She told me that they were getting rid of the night team due to the decrease in contacts we are receiving overnight, she’s not wrong, we’ve recently gone hours at a time without anyone calling. However, we’ve been offered new roles, well the same role but now we’ll be working 5 days out of 7, 8 and a half hour shifts, working some weekends etc, standard stuff, the twist is that we’ll be working 3:30pm to midnight which is an awful shift, it’ll be quiet but murder socially. I am suspicious that my colleagues might have been given a different reason for the changes, perhaps due to not being able to trust us they would rather scrap the team entirely rather than make me a manager.

In other news I spent about £200 on clothes, there was a £5 sale on at BooHoo that really helped fill out my wardrobe, I got some boots and a few tops from River Island along with a jumper elsewhere.

Lockdown still on, Life still on pause

It’s been 10 days since my last update, one would expect much to have happened in that time but it has not, I’ve had 4 days at work and about 6 days off. However, still being under lockdown, there’s nothing to do, I often wake up and then continue to spend 3 hours in bed, there’s nothing to get up for an at least it’s warm in bed, my flat has become colder this month due to the weather taking a dive from the snow.

My HUEL diet is going medium-well, I am able to stick to it while working but when not working, I sometimes still get takeaway or junk food. I think I’ve had more good days than bad days.

The only out of the ordinary, remarkable or worth mentioning thing that I did was email the head of the call centre I work to ask to be made manager of the night team, I brought along some facts and figures about lazy colleagues and argued that I could keep them in line. It looked somewhat professional and was very long, it almost looked like the type of report that an actual manager would have put together about performance levels. It has been 24 hours and I have not heard back, it’s possible that it was forwarded onto the head of customer service.

HUEL is the solution

I have finally decided to make a change, I can’t keep going on like this, I feel awful most of the time, low energy and revolted by myself. I let food run out in my flat and resorted to a pure HUEL diet for 2 days but on the 3rd, I had tortilla chips and dip as usual. Hopefully this is a one off and I’ll go back to keeping up my HUEL diet, it shouldn’t be hard both the coffee and chocolate flavours are tasty enough, the problem is when I crave hot or spicy food.

I haven’t orally spoken to anyone apart from customers over the phone at work, well, that’s not completely true, I went to Sainsbury’s and saw people without masks at the checkout, the staff were not doing anything, so I took my mask off too and then I got right up into a staff members face and said “have a good one” though she cut me off and told me to use the other exit. My personal relationships continue to suffer.

My brother and sister who was visiting from university have caught COVID, it doesn’t seem serious, seem bored more than anything else. I dropped some games off for my brother without staying at the home, he seems to be enjoying Persona 5: Royal.

I have this idea, I don’t want to call it a fantasy but sometimes, when I was younger, when I would see injustice I would try to get others to act by replaying it in front of their faces, if they would act, it would prove that someone out there cares. At the moment, I think about marrying a disabled woman and having mentally disabled children who I name after my father and month, I abuse them in the same way my parents abused me, right in front of them and then eventually I kill them after declaring them failures and of no use to me. I am convinced that I am neurodivergent and it’s really disappointing that I didn’t get the support I needed in youth.

I’ve finished season 3 of Star Trek Discovery, better than season 2 but nothing special. I’ve also started catching up with One Piece, I’m almost up to date with the anime, this Wano arc is too long and consistent with the unremarkable post-timeskip quality, the only arc I thought was somewhat good is the Dressrosa arc.

I now have 3 days free in front of me, my body might feel right again if I can stick to a pure HUEL diet and once my body is right, my mind will be and I can start spending my time doing things that are spiritually fulfilling.

Below is something I received in December of 2019, I decided to wait before sharing it as it might create issues. I never signed the document. I replied by asking for more information and was ignored.

It’s lockdown again

I did mean to update sooner but I lacked the energy, I think, I’m not sure, I feel like I had something meaningful to share but it has left my cerebrum.

Since my last entry, I have had 4 days away from work and 2/3 days at work, I’m currently posting this while on my 3rd shift. During my days off, I recall staying inside mostly, it is cold out though the snow is beautiful from a distance. I achieved the legend rank quickly in Hearthstone once again, this time being just outside the top 500.

I watched some of season 2 of Star Trek: Discovery, the quality seems very poor compared to the first season, it’s not gripped me at all.

I’ve not won anything on my premium bonds for the second month in a row. I’m considering putting all my savings into a regular low interest savings account but I can’t shake the feeling that one day I might win big.

With the country under lockdown again, I’m not sure what I can even do to progress my lot in life or even bring myself some fleeting joy. K recently spoke to several suitors over Discord, I found one who was in the UK and up for sex but with lockdown rules, that’s just not realistically possible right now so we had to put things on hold.

There has been some drama at work. A manager who is generally get along with, one of the new ones who previously asked for my help, he posted in the night shift group that there were no emails in the queue so we are expected to complete our allocated back orders. I should back that that was untrue and a screenshot showing the number of emails remaining. He presumably got some fallout from that from higher management because he bit my head off the following day. I asked him to speak to a colleague who was supposed to be helping me on webchat but hadn’t picked up a chat, he asked me not to bark orders at him

I thought if several possible responses but couldn’t settle on one. I didn’t share this with my colleagues as I’ve previously been praised for being the one to speak their mind and stand up for the night team.