Spilling Paper Spaghetti

There was a a train strike that I was completely unaware of, thought it was yesterday. I couldn’t get on the train due to to overcrowding and bought a tram ticket instead but I may as well have waited 30 minutes for the next train since it would’ve arrived at my destination at the same time as the tram. I arrived late, over 20 minutes, also had a cold that I was battling using a snotted up tissue.

My manager assigned me two queues to work on, I told her that one was too large and that I wouldn’t be able to work on the other. I also pestered her several times throughout the day, just awkward queries and complaints that I had that I didn’t know how to deal with. Also, lack of training on the system I’m supposedly the “expert” on.

The Polish female forgot her fob/pass thing that’s used to open doors around the building and asked to borrow mine. I was caught off-guard and hurriedly pulled my fob from my pocket, multiple snotty tissues also came flying out onto my person. Quite embarrassing but she’s not a person I speak to often. A couple of hours later she asked if I was going on lunch, I replied “not just yet” and then predictably asked for my fob again. I handed it over. I soon wanted to leave for lunch too but had to wait to ask another co-worker to borrow their fob. So fucking awkward, it’s probably a good thing that there are people around here who feel comfortable asking me stuff.

I may have fucked up again, clock is ticking, we’ll see how it goes. I think I can save it.

I’m disappointed Egypt are out of the World Cup but pleased that Poland got BLACKED.

I’m trying to eat more dairy at the expense of increasing my calorie intake to help return my bones to their original strength.



I’m happy at work again, I feel like I’m good at my job and that I’m appreciated. True, I’m being given softer tasks than the others but on paper I appear to be a workhorse. One thing getting under my skin though is how terrible some of the new people are, I shouting “fuck sake” uncontrollably every time I have to clean up after one of their screwups. No one knows about this, feel like an unsung hero.

Talked to the quirky guy about vidya and Digimon. He mentioned that a co-worker was cute and it was a shame that he was in a 5 year relationship, I didn’t respond at all. I don’t know what he made of that. The female in question certainly had a look and style to her but the piercing that went through the centre of her nose was vile.

My mum criticised me for looking more feminine, she said I looked like her and pointed out my hair and eyebrows. I think she saw the burn on my arm but didn’t say anything.

I likely won’t be purchasing a season ticket for the football now that all the good seats appear to have gone, that’ll teach me for waiting so long.

I’ve extended my PS Plus membership to November 2019.

I’m certain my blog has been found but at least the reader has no ill intent.

OK, definitely the next time I have free time

I spent around 6 hours playing South Park, I’m not feeling strongly enough about it to say I’m enjoying it. The trophies are easy to get so it’s not stressing me out too much. I would have spent more time on it if not for me saying I’d visit my grandmother today. I went with my mother and hung around for less than an hour watching the World Cup game on at the time. She made food, I ate it.

The burn hasn’t healed yet but the swelling has gone and areas have returned to their original colours but it’s clear that it’ll be weeks before my arm has returned to normal.

I’m scared of going to work again, feel like a child the night before the weekend is over. I’ve felt like this before but not for several months. I’ve locked myself into leaving this job within the next 2 months but I would feel more comfortable if my new job was confirmed to me.

I had plans for this weekend, to setup a group, move forward with making friends, I’m off on Thursday so will do so then.


I woke up early for my laser session today, I would have appreciated a few more hours of sleep but once I starting moving, an early start improved my day as I had the opportunity to accomplish more, I didn’t take it but it was there.

As it was appointment 3, my technician took photos, the process was as mildly painful as usual except at the end when she noted that my arms were even paler than hers (she’s white) and then suggested we do a patch test with another laser, it’s the one that’s designed for white people. It was far more painful than usual, each hit felt like I was being stabbed. At home when I observed the treated area, it looked swollen and discoloured, I think I’ve been burned but it should clear up in a week or so. Still terrified, it doesn’t look pleasant but it’s not the type of burn to scab and as far as I know it should be fine, just means I’ll need to stick to the paki laser. Technician used the phrase “quality of pigmentation”, confusing but sure I didn’t like that.

I played some South Park, it’s not as fun as the previous game. My brother gave me Monster Hunter World as an early birthday present, I’m going to have to play it since he suggested co-op, hoping to finish South Park ASAP.

Quirky guy hasn’t added me on PSN, think this was trick to get my username and then google it for info on my past.

Watched some World Cup games, not as enjoyable as the summer of 2014, it was back when I was living with the Pole, she’d left by that point, the other female was away for a while too and the event just constantly lifted my spirits. Magazines arrived through the post, destined to go unread. Took a short trip to my aunties and promised my mother than I’ll visit my gran tomorrow.

This day was different to my usual weekend, more active but I still didn’t accomplish what I should have – making a group of my own.

Free from toil for the time being

Despite fairly regular interaction with the quirky guy, I’m still feeling down while at work. My manager assigned me several frustrating emails and asked me to clear some queues, clearly too much and so I just did a more than reasonable amount and with no tact at all, essentially replying to complaints with “sorry for any disappointment caused”. Despite my questionable commitment, I still found myself ignoring the quirky guys mid-conversation to focus on a tricky email query.

The TV in the break room is working now so we can watch the World Cup games but I’m mildly furious that there are television screens strewn around the actual call centre but not where I’m seated.

Today was also Eid, my family was puzzled as to why I didn’t have the day off work. I’m disappointed I had to go in but not majorly. I hear my grandma was asking about me.

Reaching the weekend feels like an accomplishment, I can now enjoy the football and perhaps start making plans. Though I have an early laser appointment so that might ruin my day before it even starts.

I keep forgetting to take my E in the morning.

Tangible connections

The quirky guy at work asked for my PSN, it was strange timing, I was asking /britfeel/ about making friends just last night, I am suspicious to the point that I can’t be pleased about the first IRL connection I’ve made in the last 3 years. I interacted with a few more people during the day than usual, made some jokes, some of those I interacted with were former enemies, I felt like a fraud, I could feel resentment from some of them but not all which also forced me to feel guilt and shame.

Had one awkward interaction with a new guy, he’s intentionally amusing, I tried to banter with him. He noted that I was always so disappointed to see him and that he’d stop bothering me from now on – I replied with something along the lines of “I appreciate your company” followed with “I was just playing hard to get”. The embarrassment of the moment and general aggravation of the day are numbed by remembering I’ll be leaving soon though I haven’t considered that I’ll be starting from “zero” again when it comes to being comfortable in my environment and forging relationships.

The TV in the break room didn’t work so we couldn’t watch the World Cup.

It’s time to drop DragonBall Xenoverse 2.

Checked the quirky guys trophy list at home before sending off a friend request, he’s pretty hardcore, hard to believe he’s a normie, over 3000 trophies and a “level” of 18. I’m just a 14 with little more than half the trophies he has though generally I’ve performed better on the games we’ve both played.

Through the motions

I’m feeling less down during the day but still mostly disinterested. I’m also re-learning that I’m a boring individual who can’t really complain that they’re not part of the world. If I was one of the normies who surround me every day, I wouldn’t want me to exist either, can’t fathom the thought process of those who take pity on me.

I’m starting to overeat again, Still playing DragonBall Xenoverse 2 even though it’s still tedious to me.