Driving and work

For the first time in a while, I can say things have been mildly eventful since my last entry, though my memory is hazy. I started taking driving lessons again, the instructor is a friendly Pakistani, he is teaching me very slowly but I am happy with that, better a nice but ineffectual instructor than someone who is mean. I am expecting this to take around 20 lessons, I am not good at driving, it doesn’t come naturally. An automatic might overall be easier but it is posing its own challenges, it’s very different to a manual, unless I’m braking, it moves forward.

My father was causing me mental anguish last week but it’s been fine this week. Just ready for him to explode again.

Issues at work have arisen, a large number of documents are missing and my work is being reviewed, I’ve been told not to worry and that no one is blaming me, I am concerned but I know I can’t be fired until a replacement is found.

I think I might be done with video games for a while, or will be in the near future for a while, Lost Judgment is releasing next week afterall. I also bought a Nintendo Switch for the release of Pokemon Diamond in November, I’ll also be using it to play Bayonetta 2, the sequel to one of my favourite games of all time. That works out to perhaps 1 video game a month. Possibly Pokemon Legends Arceus in January but I am not that eager to play that, what I can say for certain is that the PS5 gaming will slow, ignoring upcoming games I only have a passing interest in Final Fantasy 14, Death Stranding, WatchDogs Legion (exploring modern day London) and Tales of Arise.

One of my two youngest sisters has gone to London for work, it just leaves my parents and the oldest of my sisters here though she doesn’t ever seem to actually be home.

Hades

Since my last entry I have battled with demons and overcame them, to be more precise they were demons in the video game “Hades”, winner of last years “game of the year” award. It was highly addictive and I kept trying to put it down but continued until I achieved the platinum trophy. I was so addicted that after returning from work I was playing the game for upto 5 hours before going to sleep. I’ll say this, I did enjoy the game but as it became easier, I think I may have enjoyed it less, it was certainly a chore by the end. I purchased the game for £16 and sold it to CEX for £12, a great exchange. As for Assassin’s Creed, after eBay and postage fees, I’m left with around £18, around a £6 loss.

At work, my manager suggested I move onto a 4 on/4 off shift pattern and take on some more responsibilities now that they’re hiring a new person on the day shift to pretty much do my current job. I think they’re just trying to get rid of me but are too nice to pull the trigger. This occurred last week and there’s been no follow up since then so I think plans have fallen through. I have 12 days worth of holidays remaining and I’ve booked off another week towards the end of the month. It’s the week that the video game “Lost Judgment” is releasing.

My father is pushing me into taking driving lessons again, he even found a driving instructor. It’s a local one, I’m sure I’ll get scammed, or he will, since he’s paying.

After having watched a leftist YouTuber, I fear I may have ADHD, this would explain why I need to listen to YouTube videos while playing video games amongst other things.

My dad’s mother is unwell, there is concern she may die and my father is considering flying out to Pakistan but he hasn’t mentioned it recently so maybe she’s better now. My mother’s uncle died, my mother keeps pestering me to go visit my grandmother to “pay my respects”, I have declined for the usual reasons, I don’t speak the same language as my grandmother and while we were close when I was child I no longer feel that connection though that’s not true for her, my mother tells me often that my grandmother is asking after me. I do feel guilt, actually no, that’s a white emotion, I feel shame.

Done with Valhalla, time for cake

Since my last entry I have finished with “Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla”, I found much of the story to overall be disappointing but the conversation during the final true ending was quite meaningful, the Viking main character was essentially told that even though he wanted to destroy England, if he continued to live here, he would be English.

I won’t be getting the house I put an offer on last time, the price is too high. I’m going to ignore my father and just go for a 2 bedroom place. There was a block viewing scheduled today but I couldn’t wake up, I was too tired after having finished work. I am considering possibly putting an offer in without viewing it. The way I see it, there’s no way to lose significantly when buying a house, it will always have some value and I can use it for shelter.

At work, there was cake in the kitchen, I wasn’t sure if it was for everyone, only one slice had been taken, after a few hours, when I was semi-sure no one was watching, I slipped in there and took 2 slices for myself, it had chocolate on there, I think there were hints of coffee and toffee too.

The other highlight of the week was an older guy, around 60, talking to another individual about video games, he was asking if “Mad Max: Fury Road” was any good, he’s an Xbox player and had been playing for a while, there was a short conversation about the Assassin’s Creed series and how his favourite was the second entry. He was looking for video game recommendations, I regret not interjecting but I didn’t really have a plan of what to say, even now, I’m not sure what I would have said exactly.

I’ve made the same mistake when it comes to sleeping two weeks in a row, I try to just set myself down for a nap, set my alarm to go off in 2 hours, I then set it to snooze, waking me up every 10 minutes, resulting in 10 hours of very broken sleep.

Viking Blood Flows Through Me

I am continuing to see my world outside of work deteriorate, there just isn’t enough time to do much of anything, it’s also difficult to manage my energy levels, just existing naturally would mean my weekend takes place over the night which further limits my social activity. I have not looked for any new jobs recently though, as that would be too time consuming on top of my other responsibilities, I’m searching for a house. My father has too much of a hand in this and I don’t think he understands the current housing market well, he doesn’t understand that a 2 bedroom house is now worth over £100,000, he’s also insisting I only purchase a house with 3 bedrooms and a driveway. I put in an offer of 125k for a house that he viewed over a month ago but it now on the market at a higher price. Spending time with my father is difficult, he has reverted back to shouting at me, blaming me for things and making me feel stupid. I may go back to renting.

I’m pretty sure my sister got married recently and didn’t invite me or my dad, it’s because she has been away from the house quite a lot and one day I saw my mother with a henna tattoo on her hand, this is usually done before religious events and weddings. This would track with what my sister said a week ago about not wanting me there. I genuinely do not have any issue with this, it’s just the lying that I find offensive.

On my weekend, I played Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, it’s a very long game and I have put in over 50 hours so far, even using a can of zero sugar Monster to fuel and 18 hour gaming binge. The story is quite episodic, travelling to the 16 regions of England and doing the little story there, some are more engrossing than others, some are a bore and I just skipped through the dialogue, especially early on. I visited Scarborough in the game and even over a 1000 years ago, the similarities to modern day Scarborough are plain to see. I was disappointed that it’s not clear when Manchester is supposed to be, the entire north west is just snowy area with hills. While working I also watch reviews of Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, each being at least 3 hours long. I won’t be going for the platinum but do want to hit over 50% completion on the trophies, this is tricky due to the inflation caused by the DLC. I will try to finish with the game next weekend and play an hour or two after getting back from work each day, once done I’ll move onto Hades. A better option though would be to re-establish my social links and make plans.

TO VALHALLA!

I slept for most of Saturday, I usually try powering through in order to win some time back on my weekend but this time succumbed to being a night shifter. During my time awake, I played Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, I’m really impressed by how well people of various races have been seamlessly integrated into the story, you can usually talk to a non-white Viking or Saxon character and they will tell you that they or their family originally came from elsewhere. The same is true of African merchants and other non playable characters.

I ended up crashing around 8am and sleeping for 10 hours. When I woke up again, I started playing some more of the aforementioned video game, I’m currently waiting for the controller to charge so I can play some more. Tomorrow I shall hear news of the house I’m planning on purchasing.

During my breaks from gaming, I watched “Suicide Squad”, the first one, on NETFLIX, I think it’s alright and don’t understand the hate it got.

Closing in

I believe my offer is still the highest for the house that I’m attempting to purchase, I’ve sent over my proof of funds and the seller will have a decision on Monday, there are at least 9 other offers. Since moving back home, I have not moved my clothes and other possessions out of bin bags as I want to be ready to leave once I secure the new home. Though, the purchase will need to be completed without part of my deposit as the estate agent scammers are claiming that it will require a full “deep clean”, I will be leaving multiple negative reviews for them.

I don’t recall having spoken to my sister even once since the last entry, it’s for the best. I will likely cut off all contact with my blood family. I didn’t do anything special with my time off from work as I was so busy moving out of my flat and cancelling electricity supply etc.

I’ve returned to work and my manager told me that I’m doing a great job and that while I was off, he was really overwhelmed with the workload I had as he was doing it in my place. A new person is being hired which should reduce my workload so I’m going to be given new responsibilities, I’ve heard that before, I’ll believe it when I see it. I’ve been sleeping well despite cutting most water intake and replacing it with Coke Zero, I find it difficult to leave my room to get water from the kitchen.

I think I might be putting on weight, I’m not sure, I had a few takeaways, I think I also need to see a dentist, a filling might have fallen out. The only show I watched was season 2 of the Umbrella Academy, it’s alright.

Update Soon

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

A new era/old era

I have scored a weeks holiday from work, I’m looking forward to coming back in and people being relieved that they no longer need to do my job, hopefully should give them some understanding of how difficult my job is. The new guy has continued to get along with people and I’ve continued to shut myself off, I’m fine with this.

The week off is vitality important as I’m moving out of my flat, officially, tomorrow. It took several trips to move all my possessions back home though I’ve left them all in bin bags as I hope to buy my own house soon, I’ve put an offer in for £120,000 for one, the £75 I won on this months premium bonds will go towards paying for it. My dad helped me out, he also insisted on cleaning the place while I was satisfied with losing the deposit, in the end I allowed him to clean the place. I split my KFC meal with him, he was annoyed at the lack of drink.

I’ve become a hermit again, residing mostly in my bedroom, my sister is still very abusive. One day I heard her and my dad arguing about a gas leak, my sister insisted there was one and my dad should do something about it, I suggested she sort it herself instead of running to daddy, we argued a little and I said that I wouldn’t carry her body at her funeral, she then called me a freak and said she wouldn’t want me there anyway. My mother on the other hand is less cruel, mostly nice but she picks her shots, tells me to cut my hair, I get called an embarrassment, I’m asked how they’re supposed to explain me and I mention that my mother has no friends, she doesn’t talk to anyone.

In regards to gaming, I have achieved the Platinum trophy on “A Plague Tale: Innocence”, I highly recommend it, it’s like The Last of Us but quite short. I’m currently playing “Ratchet & Clank: A Rift Apart”, I don’t think it’s all that especially technically marvellous. Between the moving and the gaming, I have been pretty busy, I’m not sure when my time will free up as I do have quite a few other games I could be playing, the only one that I’m passionate about is “Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla” (long game) though, I also own or have free via PS Plus games such as Cyberpunk 2077, Horizon: Zero Dawn, Days Gone, Bloodborne (too hard but might try again for an hour), and pre-orders of Hades (short game), Sonic Colours (short game) and Lost Judgment (long game).

The Summer Meetup (Part 5)

So there we were, at Burger King, pretty much empty apart from the entirely Pakistani staff. Most of us ordered burger meals, I paid for Zoomer as I wanted to encourage him to eat and he was too out of it to do it himself. I was shocked that everyone else opted for the regular meal instead of paying 50p extra to go large, Andrew justified this by saying it’s only the chips and drink that’s bigger, in my eyes that’s still well worth it for the price.

Before being allowed into the lower floor seating area we were required to use the NHS app to scan the QR code, the rest of my party either pretended to do so or outright ignore the security guard in racist fashion, what sticks out particularly is how Tig said “Hope you don’t mind if I squeeze in here, I’m sure all the boys say that to you!” I fiddled around for a while with my phone and used up data downloading the app before the guard just waved me through.

I feel this was probably the best part of the day, fairly warm and comfy with a nice meal, plus all close enough to chat. I learned how Shutin is watching Pose and is leaning towards a trans Chinese gf now rather than a cis female.

I went to the bathroom, using an actual bathroom rather than urinating on the street like my comrades. On the way back, I saw Shout, blocking the hallway back to the eating area, he had a nefarious smirk on his face, I said “Uh, you know the MEN’S bathroom is back that way, right?”, he replied, “I’m not here for the bathroom but I do plan on taking my trousers off, heh, heh”. Before I could plan my next move, the Irish Paki interrupted us, “Hey, Shout, you went the wrong way, you have been drinking a bit, want to call it a night?”. Shout then angrily matched away and shouted “I say when the nights over and it’s not over until I rape…I mean have sex with someone”. I then rejoined the group.

Zoomer was resting his head on the table, barely having touched his food, I tried to force him to drink, we made some progress. The staff eventually asked us to leave, we did so as we stood outside the front door, Zoomer threw up, again, this time it was his jeans that got messed up. People were staring at us and then him when he chose to sit down, I think they might have thought he was homeless. Though, an actual homeless person even took pity on him, Andrew had bought cupcakes and I offered one to him but he turned it down.

Mayuri, while despicable in his own right, redeemed himself somewhat but going into the nearby Primark and buying Zoomer a pair of joggers. I also went back to the Burger King and got some tissues to wipe the sick off Zoomer. Mayuri, said that we were like his parents, I looked back at him and said “Uhhh, I think I can do better, babes”, he looked dejected, I think he was planning on cheating on Alina with me.

It was time to call it a night, I took Zoomer back to my hotel (even though Shout was completely responsible for this and had his own hotel booked) and the guys went their own way, it was quite a walk, around 30 minutes, Zoomer was completely out of it, I tried talking to him to keep him awake but got little in the way of responses. After 20 minutes of walking, I noticed how empty the streets were around this time and was disturbed by thudding sounds in the distance, I looked back and saw Shout, I’m not sure if he saw me or was following me, perhaps his hotel was in the same direction, either way, I was ready and grabbed the keys from my pocket. Shout started walking more quickly, I opted to star running away, it was difficult while dragging a semi conscious 19 year old, he was closing the distance, I was grateful that he wasn’t particularly fast. The gratitude was punctuated by feat again when I heard him shouting behind me “You’re not getting away this time!”, Fuck, I thought, what now, I headed back into a nearby park and made it as far as the Ghandi statue before my body started to give out, I was too tired, it was time to make my final stand. Shout approached, he was licking his lips, as he outstretched a paw towards me, to my shock, Zoomer regained consciousness and loudly proclaimed “Moniiiiiii” and punched Shout right in the face, Shout went scurrying back into the dark and Zoomer once again lost consciousness.

We arrived at the hotel and Zoomer changed his panted and then went straight to sleep within seconds. I watched TV for a little bit and then layed down myself, there was only one bed so I slept on the floor, I placed towels on my backpack to form a pillow, I took the lights off but left the TV on with no volume so if Zoomer woke up, he wouldn’t panic as there would be some light coming off the TV. My legs cramped up several times during the night and I couldn’t lay straight with the limited amount of space but it was worth it in the morning when I saw that Zoomer had recovered somewhat, he wasn’t talking much, just “yes/no” answers, I left to get us a couple of Tesco meal deals, he slept again and we didn’t leave until the forced checkout time of near 11am. We parted ways at Euston station, he refused to give me his phone number so that I could check that he got back alright.

The journey back sucked, I must have looked at a mess at this point and my feet were very tired, my biggest regret is not bringing walking shoes. At Victoria station in Manchester, I used the female public bathroom and for the first time in a while, I felt safe, at least I couldn’t be attacked here and that was something to be grateful for.

The Summer Meetup (Part 4)

When myself and Zoomer returned to the group, I found they were listening to music on a portable speaker, it sounded like white rap, they were all really moshing out to it, I was surprised at Tig but I suppose I’m at fault for stereotyping him. The first thing I did was hide his bottle of Vodka and then he kinda zoned out for a while. I should have mentioned that earlier Zoomer and Shout also wrestled, the way that Shout was handling him was at times reminiscent of a rapist with his victim.

We eventually moved on, the belief was that Zoomer was too messed up and needed somewhere to recover, I figured he could stay in my hotel room and sleep while the rest of us went around town. I also forgot to mention that Tig took a photo of me to send to his straight friend, I was told he approved and it seems that I may have a new bf.

My hotel was a lengthy walk and I help Zoomers arm for most of the journey, I’m sure many assumed we were a couple. Once we got to the hotel, I checked in and checked out the room, it’s quite obvious why it was only £27, the room was tiny, it had a sink but no toilet or shower this was shared with the rest of the floor. It was also not a twin room like I expected, there was just one single bed. When I went back to the group to report, Zoomer apparently felt fine so we moved along again, this time to a nearby park, I believe it was called Russel Park, there were monuments to Ghandi and Hiroshima.

It was very empty so we found benches to sit down, I sat besides Andrew, I pointed out an interracial couple and he voiced approval but when he noticed it was an East Asian female with a brown male, he began staring daggers at them.

Shutin, Mayuri and the Irish Paki sat on another bench and I’m sure they had very civilized discussion, they were a bit too far way from me for me to hear. On the last bench was Zoomer, Shout and Tig. It was here that things took a dark turn, the young boy was plowed with both Cocaine and Weed from the sick men sitting besides him, though I can excuse Tig, as by this point he had drunk between 5-10 cans of Larger, his judgement was clearly impaired as be himself was drunk, the true villain of this piece is Shout. Zoomer became manic and attempted to climb a tree, he succeeded and I alone tried to get him back down as he could seriously be hurt. Zoomer soon came back down to Earth and was dead to the world again. During this time, Shutin, Shout and Tig all urinated in the park, Tig being so drunk he actually walked through the bushes and urinated onto the streets of London.

The plan now was to head to the Montague Pike, the famous Spoons we attended at the Xmas meetup over 2 years ago. Mayuri, being of Ottoman decent regaled us with one of Aesop’s famous fables, one that applied to this situation, he told us of the Mosquito who drank the blood of the Zebra and died on the plains of the Sudan. I assume the Mosquito is meant to be Shout and the Zebra represents all of us. This was a nice story but Mayuri has become quite big for his boots, no pun intended, when I said he reminded me of my cousin, he said that he was sure I had many, clearly a racist remark for which there is no excuse.

We found the pub/restaurant but there was a lengthy queue outside, we discussed our next move, some thought we should queue up, I firmly objected to drinking as many were inebriated enough. I spotted a nearby Chipotle with plentiful seating and suggested that but I forgot I was amongst white people who think mayonnaise is a spice. It was at this point that the Irish Paki got frustrated, he sauntered off and I chose to break with the rest of the group to chase him. We I found him he had quite the speach, “What are we doing here Moni, what are we doing? What’s the point of it all, we’re just standing around, I’m a Ferrari not a mechanic, I need to keep moving”, what he said touched me profoundly and then it hit me, I proposed we sit down for a meal at a nearby, very empty looking, Burger King, he agreed and the rest of the group caught up.

The final entry regarding the meetup will be tomorrow. In more recent developments, word has gotten out that my brother is engaged to a white woman and our family has lost the last of it’s little remaining honour.