Sticking it out

Not much to report over the last 2 weeks, I applied for some jobs again, I got call backs for interviews within 24 hours, I arranged dates and times but no showed all of them. I should stop applying to jobs I don’t really want, I don’t think I want to go back to call centre gigging unless it’s a high class one.

My cousin is getting a divorce, I don’t know the details. I’m going to go with her to “War of the World’s”, in exchange she’s taking me to see “Paul Chaudry”, one of the premier Pakistani comedians of the era.

I got the Platinum trophy on Cyberpunk 2077, I wouldn’t recommend it, it’s less than the sum of its parts but it’s it’s fun to go around shooting stuff and the voice acting is professional.

There’s talk of another meetup in two weeks, I need more details before committing to attending.

Missed Opportunities

At work, I was asked if I had plans for the weekend and I answered that I did not but in two weeks I would be attending “Jeff Wayne’s War of the World’s”, I booked the tickets two years ago on the recommendation of a former coworker but due to Covid the event was postponed but luckily I checked what the new date is. I’m not sure if I actually want or if I should just get a refund, I hadn’t listened to the album. This was embarrassing as another coworker had listened to it and liked it very much, I had nothing to contribute, I said I’d listened to it two years ago and don’t care much for it now.

I thought the matter was dead but after the weekend, my coworker brought up the topic again, it was near the end of the shift when the day workers arrived, a couple of them said they were fans of the album too, again, I tried to hide away from the conversation, the autistic woman I mentioned previously was really into it, she recommended just lying down in bed and listening to it and when my coworker mentioned I had a spare ticket and asked who wanted to go with me, the autistic woman started jumping up and down shouting “Me, me, me!”. I panicked, my coworker looked at me to suggest I invite her, I then mumbled about not being sure I want to go and then turned to leave. My coworker looked at me with disappointment in her eyes, I felt bad. I put my backpack on and went for the door, another coworker remarked “oh, they’ve got their jetpack on”.

A positive takeaway is that I also had conversations about video games with a colleague. The following day, the coworkers I have on night shift rotated, one of them heard about events and teased me about having a date with “the psycho”, he didn’t let it go until he made me uncomfortable and laughed. There was a cake in the room, be claimed the autistic woman brought it for me due to my reported sweet tooth. I had some but made it clear when the autistic woman returned in the morning that I thought it wasn’t delicious, it was too strawberry-y.

It would have been nice to have a female friend but alas, my social anxiety is too great though I did manage to speak to my new black coworker, he replaced the previous black coworker who replaced the previous black coworker, I asked him where he lived, my dad wanted to know so he could possibly give him a lift home, he lived nearby so it wasn’t necessary. I’ve not communicated with the Polish woman.

In my free time I’m playing CyberPunk 2077, I think it’s a great game, very addictive gameplay, you just go to places shoot stuff and then do it some more. I like the look of the world, the characters and story isn’t that good but it’s not outright bad but there’s quite a bit if story and side quests.

Canal;[R]oot

I had my first dentist appointment in about 2 years, I knew there was a problem but with all these Eastern European immigrants flooding the system and political corruption it took so long to be seen. I stopped eating on the right side of my mouth because of the pain, I assumed a filling had fallen out but it turns out the filling I was scammed into getting got infected because the previous dentist didn’t do it properly, he was an old white guy from South Africa, hopefully died of Covid. I’m not sure how I feel about my new dentist being Pakistani, not sure if I can trust him more or less. He said I needed a root canal to save the tooth but there’s no guarantee of it being successful.

I don’t understand the point of work, I’m not even sure if the alternative is worse at this point. I don’t do anything with the money I obtain. Well, I’ll be spending £280 on a root canal, I don’t want to spend £700 on a specialist because I’m pretty sure the tooth is not going to survive I don’t like the idea of missing a tooth.

I’m playing CyperPunk 2077 at the moment, I quite like the colourful asthetic and the acting is OK, the graphics are very early PS4 and I don’t care much for the gameplay, it’s just about shooting stuff, there are some other options but I haven’t engaged with them much yet. My brother bought Elden Ring on the PS Store, we share an account and I scolded him for it and got a refund, the physical version is cheaper and has resale value but now that I think about it, he may have bought it digitally so we could play together, it would be a nice experience now that I think about it but I can’t bring myself to spend over £30 on a game, especially one that I won’t be reselling soon enough to recover the value.

Have tickets for “Jeff Wayne’s War of the World’s” bought them about 2 years ago but forgot about then since the event was rescheduled, I’m not sure if I should find someone to go with or just get a refund. I have very good floor seats but I’m concerned people might stand up instead of remaining seated.

I finished watching “After Life”, there were some good jokes in the last season, I also watched the most recent season of “Rick & Morty”, it’s perfectly fine.

hmmmm, what next?

It’s hard to believe it’s been 10 days since my last entry, time seems to be slipping throw my fingers like grains of sand from the deserts of Pakistan. I did say I had overcome my drink addiction last entry and that’s held true for the most part, I did partake in consuming 4 litres of Coke Zero but apart from that it’s been straight Vimto, I enjoy having it at work which has made that time more enjoyable, I also refill the bottle before it’s empty which makes the contents taste like Oasis flavoured water.

Work is pretty much the same as always, I haven’t spoken to the Polish woman once, there’s a new black guy who replaced the one that left, I had a very enthusiastic discussion about the Tinder Swindler with him in the break room before never speaking to him again. I am getting quite annoyed at being asked to do more work than usual and I’m actively looking for new career opportunities, I was knocked back from a train conductor apprentice role but that’s expected, most of the staff they have are white. There’s a call centre, 4 on/4 off, that I’m waiting to hear back from.

I finished Demon’s Souls, it was somewhat enjoyable but I won’t be playing any more Souls games as I hear they’re all harder and different to this one. The only PlayStation game I have to play is CyperPunk 2077 and other than that there’s literally no currently released game that I plan to spend time with. Maybe some PS Plus games I’ll check out for a bit but that’s about it. I dread the free time though, working nights means I can’t go out on my time off as it’s midnight during my waking hours, I have nothing to do other than laptop activities, Netflix and video games.

My sister spoke to me for the first time in months, said I could come to her wedding if I cut my hair, I refused, I told her that she could either not invite me if she doesn’t want me there or have me come as I am, she then said how was she supposed to explain my appearance to people and that all the attention would be on me. I retorted that if she mustn’t be very interesting in that case.

I am without direction right now.