That’s dinner sorted then

Posted on April 19, 2022 by Poleaboo

I am shocked and appalled at myself for the lack of update on my blog last week, I thought I had posted one but I was misremembering a Discord post I made. The highlight of last week was heading into work and being told by a colleague that they had a hot tip for me that I’m going to love them for, I was suspicious but the tip was on the money, he told me I could purchase 12 high end doughnuts for only £2.50.

I handed my money over to the man he pointed out and a few hours later he came down with a box, I opened the box and to my surprise and delight the box contained 12 smaller boxes of doughnuts, each box containing 4 each. I dug into 4 and at the end of my shift I was informed I had chocolate on my face, I appreciate being told but resent not being told sooner.

I played “Titanfall 2” last weekend, I don’t like multiplayer 3rd person shooters but the campaign’s in these things are usually fun. I felt quite sick during that weekend though too so didn’t accomplish anything. The next weekend I played Elden Ring, it’s a light and relaxed experience for me since I’m playing with magic instead of being a melee character, I keep my distance and hit with powerful spells to kill with a few hits, there’s also lots of grinding and checklist stuff, I enjoy making the numbers go up.

I plan to look for a house again very soon, I need to buy a place before the prices go up again, the lowest priced houses are at my budget of £120,000 unless I want to buy a new build for £145,000. New builds tend to be smaller and for that money could buy a nicer older house but the new build comes with a low deposit mortgage.

As for television, I’m watching the new Catherine Tate sitcom “Hard Cell”, I think it’s funny but the reviews disagree. It’s set in a women’s prison and Catherine Tate plays multiple characters.

I missed the /britfeel/ Spring meetup, it’s just not possible with my current working situation, I hear it was a riot and regret missing the occasion.

Alone at the Show

Posted on April 8, 2022 by Poleaboo

Last Friday I went to say Jeff Wayne’s Musical Version of “War of the World’s” with my cousin, I booked the day off work specially. My cousin is going through a divorce and left her newborn son with the father who was complaining about not seeing him. The show was great, I really need to get back to watching live shows and listening to more music, it really evoked emotion in me. My cousin and I gossiped a bit about my sister’s upcoming wedding and things of that nature.

My cousin left less than an hour into the show, she claimed it was because the baby wouldn’t settle, I was disappointed as she’d just wasted an £80 ticket but the situation was out of her control. My favourite song from the show was the last one.

The next morning my sister barged into my room without warning and shouted at me she said that my cousin was “chatting shit” about her and that I’d told her about her. My mother overheard and tried defending me but my sister just attacked her instead. My mother then tried speaking to my cousin but then word reached my sister about that and she became even more irate as now my cousin knew my sister knew and that someone told her. My sister’s tirade involved calling my mother a child for not being able to be civil to my father, saying I was trying to be some kind of woman and referencing my other sisters relationship to a white man. It seems she thinks she’s better than us but she’s right where she belongs. This encounter was very distressing and I’m glad it’s over. There are rumours that the guy my sister is marrying has some white ancestry but I find that hard to believe given what I’ve heard about their religious views.

The weekend felt long because I booked the Friday as holiday from work, I also didn’t have any new video games to play, I looked through my PS Plus collection and I’m giving Titanfall 2 another go. I have used Amazon credit to get a £10 discount on Elden Ring too but the cardboard sleeve containing the game was a bit damaged so I’m returning it for a replacement, I paid for new copy and that’s what I’ll get

My shifts at work have changed, my pay is apparently going up to £11.02 an hour and hours reduced to 7.5 a day, my total pay for a year is alleged to be around £24,500.

My most recent driving lesson went OK, I was previously told that I wasn’t looking, I was just driving. I think I’ve improved a bit, watching out for signs and leaning to the left, speeding and checking the mirror are still problems though. My driving instructor often shares stories which I enjoy, his heart attack, how he almost became a footballer but his parents were in Pakistan during the tryouts, how his brother almost became a footballer but didn’t because of racism but had a goal featured on a Sky Sports highlights show when he was playing for a league 7 team.

Missed Opportunities

Posted on March 17, 2022 by Poleaboo

At work, I was asked if I had plans for the weekend and I answered that I did not but in two weeks I would be attending “Jeff Wayne’s War of the World’s”, I booked the tickets two years ago on the recommendation of a former coworker but due to Covid the event was postponed but luckily I checked what the new date is. I’m not sure if I actually want or if I should just get a refund, I hadn’t listened to the album. This was embarrassing as another coworker had listened to it and liked it very much, I had nothing to contribute, I said I’d listened to it two years ago and don’t care much for it now.

I thought the matter was dead but after the weekend, my coworker brought up the topic again, it was near the end of the shift when the day workers arrived, a couple of them said they were fans of the album too, again, I tried to hide away from the conversation, the autistic woman I mentioned previously was really into it, she recommended just lying down in bed and listening to it and when my coworker mentioned I had a spare ticket and asked who wanted to go with me, the autistic woman started jumping up and down shouting “Me, me, me!”. I panicked, my coworker looked at me to suggest I invite her, I then mumbled about not being sure I want to go and then turned to leave. My coworker looked at me with disappointment in her eyes, I felt bad. I put my backpack on and went for the door, another coworker remarked “oh, they’ve got their jetpack on”.

A positive takeaway is that I also had conversations about video games with a colleague. The following day, the coworkers I have on night shift rotated, one of them heard about events and teased me about having a date with “the psycho”, he didn’t let it go until he made me uncomfortable and laughed. There was a cake in the room, be claimed the autistic woman brought it for me due to my reported sweet tooth. I had some but made it clear when the autistic woman returned in the morning that I thought it wasn’t delicious, it was too strawberry-y.

It would have been nice to have a female friend but alas, my social anxiety is too great though I did manage to speak to my new black coworker, he replaced the previous black coworker who replaced the previous black coworker, I asked him where he lived, my dad wanted to know so he could possibly give him a lift home, he lived nearby so it wasn’t necessary. I’ve not communicated with the Polish woman.

In my free time I’m playing CyberPunk 2077, I think it’s a great game, very addictive gameplay, you just go to places shoot stuff and then do it some more. I like the look of the world, the characters and story isn’t that good but it’s not outright bad but there’s quite a bit if story and side quests.

Canal;[R]oot

Posted on March 10, 2022 by Poleaboo

I had my first dentist appointment in about 2 years, I knew there was a problem but with all these Eastern European immigrants flooding the system and political corruption it took so long to be seen. I stopped eating on the right side of my mouth because of the pain, I assumed a filling had fallen out but it turns out the filling I was scammed into getting got infected because the previous dentist didn’t do it properly, he was an old white guy from South Africa, hopefully died of Covid. I’m not sure how I feel about my new dentist being Pakistani, not sure if I can trust him more or less. He said I needed a root canal to save the tooth but there’s no guarantee of it being successful.

I don’t understand the point of work, I’m not even sure if the alternative is worse at this point. I don’t do anything with the money I obtain. Well, I’ll be spending £280 on a root canal, I don’t want to spend £700 on a specialist because I’m pretty sure the tooth is not going to survive I don’t like the idea of missing a tooth.

I’m playing CyperPunk 2077 at the moment, I quite like the colourful asthetic and the acting is OK, the graphics are very early PS4 and I don’t care much for the gameplay, it’s just about shooting stuff, there are some other options but I haven’t engaged with them much yet. My brother bought Elden Ring on the PS Store, we share an account and I scolded him for it and got a refund, the physical version is cheaper and has resale value but now that I think about it, he may have bought it digitally so we could play together, it would be a nice experience now that I think about it but I can’t bring myself to spend over £30 on a game, especially one that I won’t be reselling soon enough to recover the value.

Have tickets for “Jeff Wayne’s War of the World’s” bought them about 2 years ago but forgot about then since the event was rescheduled, I’m not sure if I should find someone to go with or just get a refund. I have very good floor seats but I’m concerned people might stand up instead of remaining seated.

I finished watching “After Life”, there were some good jokes in the last season, I also watched the most recent season of “Rick & Morty”, it’s perfectly fine.

hmmmm, what next?

Posted on March 1, 2022 by Poleaboo

It’s hard to believe it’s been 10 days since my last entry, time seems to be slipping throw my fingers like grains of sand from the deserts of Pakistan. I did say I had overcome my drink addiction last entry and that’s held true for the most part, I did partake in consuming 4 litres of Coke Zero but apart from that it’s been straight Vimto, I enjoy having it at work which has made that time more enjoyable, I also refill the bottle before it’s empty which makes the contents taste like Oasis flavoured water.

Work is pretty much the same as always, I haven’t spoken to the Polish woman once, there’s a new black guy who replaced the one that left, I had a very enthusiastic discussion about the Tinder Swindler with him in the break room before never speaking to him again. I am getting quite annoyed at being asked to do more work than usual and I’m actively looking for new career opportunities, I was knocked back from a train conductor apprentice role but that’s expected, most of the staff they have are white. There’s a call centre, 4 on/4 off, that I’m waiting to hear back from.

I finished Demon’s Souls, it was somewhat enjoyable but I won’t be playing any more Souls games as I hear they’re all harder and different to this one. The only PlayStation game I have to play is CyperPunk 2077 and other than that there’s literally no currently released game that I plan to spend time with. Maybe some PS Plus games I’ll check out for a bit but that’s about it. I dread the free time though, working nights means I can’t go out on my time off as it’s midnight during my waking hours, I have nothing to do other than laptop activities, Netflix and video games.

My sister spoke to me for the first time in months, said I could come to her wedding if I cut my hair, I refused, I told her that she could either not invite me if she doesn’t want me there or have me come as I am, she then said how was she supposed to explain my appearance to people and that all the attention would be on me. I retorted that if she mustn’t be very interesting in that case.

I am without direction right now.

I’ve kicked one addiction and I’m close to kicking another

Posted on February 18, 2022 by Poleaboo

Quite a bit to say since my last entry, I realised I had a Coke Zero addiction, I was consuming upto 4 bottles a week but I found a fix, I’ve switched to Vimto, this does contain some sugar but it’s mostly water and that’s increasing my water intake considerably so it’s definitely a good thing. A guy at work asked what drink I had and then followed up with “fizzy or cordial”, I didn’t know what the latter word meant and said as much, it was slightly embarrassing. Turns out a cordial is any drink you add water too. I also managed to share with the guys that I am taking driving lessons, I think they think I’m a bit on the slow side, I’m OK with that, takes the pressure off.

There’s a new member of staff, a Polish female, I haven’t spoken to her but I do think it fascinating how the company seems to have stopped hiring white people, the last new member of staff was a black guy but he quit, didn’t even have a new job set up. This Polish person seems inoffensive but there is definitely a lot of anti-Polish sentiment in the air, they’ve even nicknamed her “E.T.” because her real name is too hard to pronounce, the joke being “E.T. go home”, they don’t mean anything by it, they’re just ignorant to these types of things.

I’ve now taken 19 driving lessons, my instructor is unsure if I’ll pass when I take my test in June. We did crossroads last week, I don’t really get them and just treat them like normal junctions, we did a test route too.

My sister brought her fiance home, I wasn’t allowed downstairs so starved in my room until my dad came to check on me.

the video game roundup is as follows, I played Crash Bandicoot 4, it’s alright, the levels are too long and some are too difficult even with infinite lives, I died over 190 times on one level but I did beat the story. I plan on getting back into Demon’s Souls next and then CyberPunk 2077 since the next gen update dropped, there’s also the PS Plus games for this month, UFC 4 and possibly some Rollercoaster game I’ll play for an hour for some quick trophies.

Not as much to say as I thought, let’s see, what else, I booked myself in for a booster shot but didn’t bother attending. I’ve agreed to allow my mother to live with me when I buy my own house but that’s not going well, I lowballed one place and it was sold when I called to put in another offer. It’s looking like the minimum for a two bedroom place has gone up to £115,000 now, the longer I wait, the worse it gets.

A night on the town

Posted on February 6, 2022 by Poleaboo

Since my last update, I have had at least one very good day, one that I can recall anyway. This day was the day before yesterday, time until then consisted on playing video games (I do not recommend “Deathloop”, while “Disco Elysium” is better, it can be quite a chore at times due to the amount of reading it requires, I have “Crash Bandicoot 4” on its way, that should be a much more chilled out experience). There’s also “YuGiOh Master Duel”, it’s free and fun until you realise what a wreck the current form of the game is in.

At work, I had to work a couple of shifts during the day to get a handle on how things will be changing and get some more training, people were nice and helpful but I don’t like the guy who is doing my job during the day, he seems to be under the deluded impression that he does more work than me or is just genuinely lazy and trying to push stuff off onto me.

Onto the interesting bit, on Friday night, my buddy from down south, “Shutin”, my GBF from the west “Tig” and the racist goblin of the east “Shout” had a little get together, this was due to the big shot “Shutin” arriving in Manchester for work related reasons, I used up a holiday request at a very business critical time (On Thursday I was emailed to pick up more work, I said it wasn’t possible, they won’t know I’m on holiday on Friday and there will be loads of work on Monday morning that needs to be done before I’m in).

Anyway, back to events, we decided to meet at various time, Shout and Shutin met at 5pm and I arrived at 6pm, they told me they were waiting at a venue known as “NQ64”, I headed over, never heard of the place before, there were some stairs going down to a basement and I was concerned, I hope this isn’t some kind of rave club, turns out it’s a place to play retro video games and buy expensive drinks. There were arcade cabinets set up with various games, ones where you point a gun and shoot, ones with a steering wheel, normal ones. I didn’t buy any coins, wasn’t sure how long we’d be here, the guys played some Pinball, Simpsons beat ’em up and Dance Dance Revolution. Shutin was a master of DDR, he must have picked up the skill to impress Orientals. Shout gave me some of his coins and I sucked at Pinball and DDR. There were free games too, consoles set up with things like Mario Kart and Sonic, I beat Shout at the original Super Smash game, it was a total no contest.

As for outfits, I was wearing some distressed hem light blue jeans, with a fluffy light blue top, paired with white trainers. Shout wore a very fetching burgundy suede tracksuit with a rose gold zipper. Shutin wore what I guess he wore to work, the shirt looked neon blue under the lights of the arcade-bar. The place was full of what I can only assume were prostitutes and nonces. There were far too many attractive women here, some without any men, some not even playing video games. The prostitutes were likely hired by the bar to make it seem like an attractive place to spend your time, like handing a Rolex inside a crane machine. I think some of the men with women, hired the women to escort to them, it was clearly the vibe I got, I’d say a lot of the men with women also looked a fair bit older than the women they were with.

We waited over an hour for “Tig”, he turned up outside, looking as camp as ever, he might as well have been dressed as Tinkerbell given how subtle he was, though I have now reassessed and it may just be that his voice and mannerisms are all down to him being a degenerate drug addict. He really likes his drugs and I like him enough to rather spend a night with him than my other two male cohorts. Our goal was now to find somewhere to eat, while I knew Manchester like the back of my paw, I left it to Tig to lead us, we went to a place, that looked like it was set up in someones attic, “Almost Famous Burger”, there was an hour wait for a table so we went to a pub that Tig recommended, I can’t recall the name but he was friendly with the landlady, there was also lots of weird and random crap all over the wall, it was very jumbled, it was certainly a vibe, I’m not sure what the appeal is. The bar stat consisted of a clear butch lesbian with a nose ring and something that would become a common sight in places Tig liked, a skinny white woman with dyed black hair, dressed entirely in black. We sat, chatted, drank, and when Shout tried getting another drink, I tried stopping him, he clearly had a problem with drink and I was trying to protect him from at least getting too drunk too early but Shutin intervened and Shout threatened violence so I had to let him go, he seemed to choose small drinks that I he consumed quickly and I assume contained more alcohol.

Tig called over one of his drug addict friends, they arrived just as we were about to leave for the burger place, he looked like what I can only describe as a nazi, short blonde hair, blue eyes and a t-shirt that had some Germanic vibes to it though I later learned it was a band shirt, I assume the band wasn’t German, they were called something like “Leftover Crack” but the name used Nazi font.

Honestly, I was disappointed by the burger place, my own fault though, I assumed the more expensive £13 burgers came with fries so I didn’t order any separately. The burger was good but it’s poor value compared to Arizonas or New Orlandos, the burger was quite thick and took a while to consume. Shout clearly made the same mistake as he ordered the same as me, Shutin and Tig got burgers and “bacon bacon fries”, I still find the taste of pork revolting. Our Nazi pall got chicken wings which were also ridiculously over priced. We moved to leave and Shutin choose to leave his dignity at the restaurant by leaving a £5 tip, I tried to convince him to take it back but everyone turned against me, I tried explaining that this was just something done in America and all the reasoning he was spewing about why one should leave a tip only applied in America, the woman he served us here was likely much better paid than a waitress in America. He tried to spin it as if I was the one out of touch, I just called him a cuck and we moved onto our final destination, a pub known as a The Castle. Before we did though, Tig took some “Ket” drugs with his Nazi pal and Shout joined in the action.

The African, likely Somali, bouncer picked up on Tig being high as a kit but allowed us in anyway, I did like this place, it had a very clear feel about it, it looked like it was just someones house, there was even a fireplace upstairs and a narrow hallway, it was jam packed, we were shoulder to shoulder with people everywhere we went, we stumbled into a side room where live music was being played, they clearly were not adhering to rules about capacity as the room was completely packed out, it was awkward at first as I was close to the door but when I got a better spot I enjoyed myself more, some strangers tried talking to me but I signalled I was with my friends. The musical act was an older Pakistani guy playing guitar.

After a while we went to the smoking area, there was space here, we chilled and chatted, as I began to leave due to it approaching midnight, the Nazi went to hug me but he spilled his drink, I felt bad. I heard that after I left, Shout was mugged by a pair of Negroes on his way to his hotel, he was very drunk at the time and lost his passport, mobile phone and hotel key but the black woman at the hotel allowed him in, a lesson that not all of them are bad or perhaps just that the men are bad but the women are good? I feel for Shout and I am started a GoFundMe to help him make a full recovery, it is ironic though, it seems all of this could have been avoided if he had simply taken me back to his hotel instead of going solo. I guess the lesson to be learned after tonight is “Fuck Monica or pay Jizya”.

(I feel as though my mental health is recovering, this entry was very quick and easy to write, my mind is much clearer and less easily distracted)

Human Garbage

Social anxiety and failure DISCLAIMER – This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental

Category Archives: 30. Addiction arc